“Did you seriously just tell the woman that you were going to marry that you guessed you’d take her to be your wife.” Doubled over with laughter A.J. ignored Kevin’s glares as the five men filed into the small room behind the sanctuary.
“Oh my god that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!” Putting his hand over his mouth Brian choked back laughter as Nick stripped off his bow tie slamming the door to the room shut behind him.
“I can’t breathe.” He whispered throwing the bow tie to the floor. “I really can’t breathe.” Grabbing a chair Howie walked to Nick placing it behind him.
“Sit down Nick and put your head between your knees.” Guiding Nick to the chair Howie placed a comforting hand on his back.
“Did you see her face?” A.J. howled slugging Brian on the shoulder. “I hope to shit that somebody got that on video because we gotta watch that over and over again.”
“Oh my god.” Nick gasped his head dropped between his knees. “I’m so dead. I am so dead.”
“What did you say.” Kneeling down Brian poked his head between Nick’s knees.
“Get the fuck out of here.” Nick moaned shoving him away.
“Oh you’re just scared she’s going to come charging in here with a shotgun.” Standing up Brian walked to the small refrigerator in the corner of the room returning with a bottle of water.
“Oh shit man she won’t use a gun, she’ll tear him apart with her bare hands.” Kevin offered pushing himself up on a table as he shrugged off his tuxedo jacket.
“Okay buddy take a deep breath.” Snapping off the cap to the water Brian dumped the whole bottle over Nick’s head as the door to the room opened and Nick’s mother walked in.
“Jesus Christ.” She hissed slamming the door behind her before storming across the room. “You better tell me that was some kind of joke Nick.”
“It wasn’t a joke mother.” His head still between his knees Nick wiped the water from his face flicking it to the floor.
“You’ve got five minutes to get up and get back out there.”
“I’m not going back out there.” Nick mumbled.
“Oh yes you are.” Reaching down Jane grabbed him by the scruff of his neck yanking his head up.
“Look Mrs. Carter, everybody is a little freaked out right now.” Brian stepped in patting her on the back of her hand, which held Nick firmly in her grip. “We all just need a second to breathe.”
At the second set of knocks on the door all heads turned.
“Listen you little horses ass, It’s Calinda, you better open this door right now.”
“Now the fun begins.” A.J. nudged Brian in the arm as Jane released her grip on Nick’s neck his head dropping back between his legs as Calinda stormed through the door.
“All of you out!” Callie screamed pointing at each guy one by one. “Including you Mrs. Carter. I have a few words to say to Nick and I’d like to say them in private.”
“Maybe we should-” Howie began, worried for Nick’s safety at the site of the fire raging in Callie's eyes.
“Maybe you should get out!” Callie screamed as the guy’s filed out one by one like toy soldiers, Jane Carter bringing up the rear shutting the door tightly behind her.
“Listen Cal, I can’t breathe right now.” Nick’s muffled voice came from somewhere between his knees.
“Be a man.” She spat picking up the heavy organza train of her dress as she shuffled her way around in front of him. “Be a man and sit the hell up.”
Opening his eyes Nick could see the pointy toes of her white satin bowed shoes, reminding him of the black pointed shoes of the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz when the house dropped on her. He wondered if it was totally crazy to think that a house could drop on Callie at that very moment in time?
“You have five minutes to get that bow-tie back on, dry your hair and get back up there in front of that chapel.”
“Callie I can’t.” Nick whined his stomach rolling and pitching like he was adrift on the high seas.
Nick watched the white satin shoes pace back and forth in front of him, his head still hidden between his legs.
“Listen Nick, you’re not going to make a fool out of me in front of five hundred of our closest family and friends.”
“I don’t have five hundred friends. You’re the one who invited all of those people so technically it serves you right for making the wedding such a big event.” As the satin shoes began to pace back and forth again Callie stopped.
Chewing on the tips of one of her perfectly French manicured fingertips her blue eyes widened.
“Nick I’m pregnant.”
“No you’re not.” He said raising his head slightly. “You’re just saying that to get me to marry you.”
“Dammit.” She said stomping one foot. “Okay fine you’re right. Ick, I can’t even imagine having kids that is about disgusting.”
“You don’t want kids?” Dropping his head again Nick sighed. “You never said you didn’t want kids?”
“Why would I want kids?” She began pacing again. “All they do is cry, sleep and shit. Oh yeah and ruin your figure.”
“Howie’s right you are mean.”
“So I have Howie to blame for this.” She continued ranting as Nick slipped off the sterling silver and onyx cufflinks jiggling them in the palm of his hand.
“Excuse me.” There was a faint knocking at the door. “I hope you don’t mind if I come in.” The pastor walked in closing the door behind him a kind smile on his face.
“Nickolas, in my line of work you see young men such as yourself who get cold feet all the time at the prospect of an impending marriage.”
“Yes, see honey.” Running her hand through Nick’s wet hair Callie beamed at the pastor. “Everything will be fine. You just have cold feet.”
“She’s mean.” Nick sat up pushing Callie’s hand away from him before slumping down in his seat, arms clasped over his sick stomach.
“Oh he is so stupid, I am not mean!” Callie pushed at the annoying netted veil in front of her face.
“Perhaps both of you need to take a moment to figure out what it was that brought you together in the first place. Renew your memories of the moment you fell in love, the moment you felt at one enough with this woman to ask her to become your wife.” The pastor stood beside Nick patting his shoulder.
“Can you do that son?”
“Yeah, and can you do it in the next five minutes?” Kicking off her shoes Callie sat down hard in the chair across from Nick, her gown making a hissing sound as it deflated all around her. “Because I haven’t got all day.”
“I seriously don’t feel well.” Standing up Nick walked slowly across the room. “I’ll be right back.”
“Yeah well we’ll be waiting.” Callie answered as Nick walked into the small bathroom shutting the door behind him.
“Ohhhhh.” Moaning Nick leaned forward flipping up the lid of the toilet seat before puking twice, his life flashing before his eyes as he realized he’d rather gargle razor blades then make Callie his wife.
Walking to the sink he turned on the water washing his hands and swishing handfuls of cold water over his face before raising his head to confront his face in the mirror.
“You’re a chicken.” He taunted himself.
“No I’m not….Howie’s right she’s mean?” He answered studying his frightened blue eyes. “She’s not the girl for you man. She never will be.” Turning he rested against the sink eyes searching the room frantically, setting their gaze on a small window.
* * *
“There’s no need to worry my child.” The pastor sat in Nick’s vacated chair, searching for calming words. “It will all work out the way God intended it to be.”
“Oh shut up.” Calinda muttered under her breath watching the bathroom door for signs of her future husband to come to his senses.