The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us ? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
This Midget with a lisp (speach imparament) wants to buy a horse.
So he goes to this horse farm where the Cowboy that has horses for sale
is REALLY Tall.
The midget says "I want to buy a horth, I want to buy a Female horth."
So the cowboy takes the midget to show him the female horse that he has for sale, and the cowboy says to the midget:"Do you have any questions?" The Midget says" I want to thee her eythes."
So the cowboy lifts up the midget so he can look into the horses eyes, puts the midget down and says:" Are there anymore questions?" The Midget says: "I want to see her earths"
So the cowboy picks the midget up again so he can see the horses ears. The cowboys says in an agitated voice "Is there anything else?" and the midget says "I'd like to see her Teef"
So the now getting irritated cowboy lifts up the midget so he can check out the horses teeth, puts the midget back down when he was done his inspection and askes in an irritated voice "is there anything else you'd like to see?" And the Midget says "I'd love to see her Twat"
So the pissed off cowboy lifts up the midget, shoves the midgets face into the horses crotch, puts him down and says "Is there anything else?" and the midget says
"Yeah Let me refrathe that... I Want to thee her run!!!!"
A lonely woman is looking for an unusual pet. The pet store owner brings her a frog and says,
"This frog has been trained to perform cunnilingus. Just $500.00!"
The woman buys the frog, takes it home, lies on the floor with her legs open. The frog does nothing. The woman angrily returns to the pet store and complains about the frog's non-performance.
"Show me what you did," says the pet store owner. So the woman lies on the floor with her legs open. The frog just sits there.
The pet store owner moves over to the woman, puts his face between her legs, and yells to the frog, "All right, you little bastard, this is the last time I am showing you!"
Fred and Ralph are gay lovers who like to have sex in the shower. One day, while having their
"fun" in Fred's Shower, the phone rings. Fred, in the bent over position, says to Ralph,
"I'm expecting a phone call, sorry, but I have to go get that and while I'm gone, DON"T CUM."
Fred runs and gets the phone call and comes back to the shower where he sees Ralph waiting, with
cum all over the walls. A little pissed Fred yells at Ralph, " I thought I told you not to cum?"
"I didn't Fred," Ralph explains. I Farted!"
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said.
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location.
A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. Lacking knowledge of the
male anatomy, she asked the doctor "what's that thing hanging between my
husbands legs?"
The doctor replies "we call that the penis." The new bride then asks "what's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"
The doctor replies "we call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "what are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"
The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"
Three guys are applying for job with the CIA. They got all the way to the final test.
So the first guy walks into the director's office and sits down. The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. Lays it on his desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head." The guy looks at him and says,"no way." So the director says, "You fail."
The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy picks up the gun and head for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go through with it. The director says, "you fail."
So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of ruckus(glass breaking, funiture getting smashed). Guy comes back in all beat up and his clothes tore up. The director goes, "What happened to you?" Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in the gun so I had to choke her to death."
Bewildered the mother replied, "that's where daddy hit me with an ax."
the little boy replied "good shot, he got you right in the cunt."