08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
08:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny, personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife; she has gained 30 lbs.
13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
15:00 Nap.
16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.
17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before mirror.
19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
22:00 Hot shower (alone).
22:30 Make love.
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
06:00 Alarm.
06:15 Blowjob.
06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.
07:00 Breakfast, Beer and eggs, toast.... and more beer.
07:30 Limo arrives.
07:45 Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport.
08:15 Private Jet to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, Sports Illustrated, WSJ).
09:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
09:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under).
11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens (fancy beer).
12:15 Blowjob.
12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under).
14:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay Martini).
14:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas. (nap)
15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all-female (topless) crew.
16:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1,249 lbs.)
17:00 Jet back and get massage & hand job enroute, by naked Callista Flockhart.
18:45 Shit, Shower, and Shave.
19:00 Watch CNN news flash: Milosovic catches cruise missle in the belly. War's over!
19:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1962), 20 oz. New York Steak.
21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar.
21:30 Sex with three women.
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
23:45 Bed (alone).
23:50 12 Second, 4 octave fart, dog leaves the room.
23:55 Giggle yourself to sleep.
Return to House of Laughs
Return to Palace of Purification