January 28...I haven't received a word about my latest rant, which either leads me to believe that nobody reads my page anymore, or people just don't care. Sniffle. Fine. Today is Friday, and boy, am I glad. This has been the longest week ever. You know how right before you are about to get in a car accident or something time seems to slow down and the seconds drag out like minutes? I read something interesting this week that explains that phenomenon. It seems that the burst of adrenaline your body releases when it's anticipating something slows down your mental processes. In other words, your mind is reacting faster than the events around you, which explains why time seems to move so slowly. Cool, huh?

I wish it would snow. It seems like the rest of America has been inundated with snow this week, while poor little unfortunate me has to live in Texas where it NEVER EVER snows. One time we had an ice storm that shut the whole city down, but that's about it. To all my Yankee friends, bundle up and keep warm.

After you leave me, you MUST go read Mike Jasper's latest column. If gay midgets make you laugh, you'll thank me for it.

January 26...So I've got a new rant up entitled Why Feminism Gets on My Nerves which I am anticipating will probably annoy some people but oh well. It's something that I feel strongly about, although I haven't quite worked out in my head what my solution is. All I know is that my thoughts and attitudes about feminism have changed since I was in college. Now when I see someone spelling "women" as "womyn" it just makes me laugh and feel embarrassed for that person. Maybe I'm just too jaded, maybe because most often the girls who are so outspoken about being feminists turn out to be pseudo-intellectuals of the worst sort, I don't know. Whatever, the nice thing about aging is you stop caring what people think about you, so if the riot grrl population of America wants to have a go at me, so be it.

January 19... The comment was made last night that every time I say I'm not going to update, I do. Well, to the smart ass that thinks they know me so well...you're right. Humph. Ok, so that didn't exactly prove my point. What point WAS I making?

Today the worst thing that can happen to a loyal Diet Coke drinker happened. I put my 55 cents into the coke machine, press the button SPECIFICALLY marked Diet Coke, and what comes out? A fucking PEPSI. The machine should have just said in a robotic computer voice "fuck you" for all that Pepsi symbolized. I know I'm not the only person out there addicted to Diet Coke. It's become an obsession, I need at least five of them a day to function properly. So you can imagine my dismay and frustration when I get the bastard of all colas, a Pepsi. I even marched around the office trying to sell the offending beverage, but who in their right mind would buy a Pepsi because they LIKE it? In the end, I had to settle for coffee, which is good but just doesn't have the kickstart that Diet Coke does.

Another thing I've been pondering lately...why are fast food joints so cheap with the ketchup? Why do the people at the window get so frustrated when you ask for more than three packets? I just don't understand why it has to be such a big deal. I'm the customer, I want my food MY WAY, and I happen to like it drowning in ketchup. The other day I asked for ten packets, because I use every single one of them in the process of eating my food, and the girl looked at me as if I was a thief and had some other use for them in mind. Like I hoard ketchup in my refrigerator so I don't have to buy it at the store. Actually, I am guilty of behavior like that. Especially in college, when my dorm room had a complete set of dishes from the dorm cafeteria, as well as salt and pepper shakers and cutlery. But ketchup? Even THAT is beneath me.

January 18...I don't have the time nor the desire to update today. It's going to be hell week here at work, so there will be little to no updating going on this week. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Check back next week when things will hopefully be a little quieter.

January 13... Maybe it's because I've gotten older (or smarter), but TV sucks nowadays. Usually I don't have the time to veg in front of the television, but when I do, I want entertainment doggonit. I have started to really get into the Home and Garden channel, and the Food Network, which I find terrifying because of what it portends...my ascent into middle-age. Ok, I'm only 25, I know it's not time to start freaking out over the domesticity that is creeping its way into my being, but it's amazing the change that has come over me in just the past year.

Wow, who would have thought I could go from bitching about TV to feeling old in a few short sentences? Shows where my train of thought is today. I've got a question, why is everyone talking about Hillary Clinton being on David Letterman last night? Who cares?! From what has been reported, she didn't say anything particularly newsworthy, yet it's a top story today. My personal opinion on Hillary running for Senate is this...I think it's a load of bullshit. I used to like Hillary, but during her time as First Lady, she has done nothing to impress me. The fact that she is moving to New York for the express purpose of running for Senate paints a picture in my mind of an opportunistic woman who is running for office not because she cares about her constituents but rather about her own prestige and public personna. I think she is an intelligent woman, but I don't think it's a wise move to run for office for a state that to the best of my knowledge she's never even lived in. It will be interesting to see what happens.

January 11... I've already abandoned my New Year's resolution. How pathetic is that? It's almost as pathetic as the two years in college that I actually tried to give up smoking for Lent. Both times I broke down at about ten o'clock at night on Ash Wednesday. Today at lunch, I realized how non-existant my self-control is. If there is something that brings me pleasure, I cannot deny myself, no matter what. I will rationalize it like this.

ME: Ok Lisa, you're going to limit yourself to two beers tonight. You got that?
LISA'S BRAIN: Sure, ok, no problem.
After two beers.
ME: Ok, that's it, no more beer.
LISA'S BRAIN: Oh, come on, we're having such a good time, one more won't hurt.
ME: Well, ok.

This scenario repeats itself until it's 2:00 a.m. and the lights come on in the bar.

And it's not just beer, it's anything, from lazing around the house to spending more money than I should. I will choose instant gratification over delayed any day of the week. It's horrible. But I'm still not willing to change.

January 10... Here we go, another week starts again. I've never felt that the beginning of the week starts with Sunday. Sunday is just one of those days that doesn't feel like anything. I've always hated them, there always seems to be a depressing gloom that permeates the day, a constant reminder that your weekend is over all too soon, and reality will commence shortly.

I saw "Magnolia" this weekend. I don't know what to say about it, except it is too long. I'm still not sure if I liked it or not. I recommend waiting 'til it comes out on video so you can pause it at your leisure. My butt was sore from sitting for three straight hours.

January 7...M. (the boy I am marrying) has an interesting theory on the appeal of boybands such as N'Sync, etc. His theory is that the reason pre-pubescent girls as well as a handful of teenagers and even middle-aged women find these boys attractive is that their looks and appearance are extremely non-threatening. What leads a person like me to call them effeminate and totally queer is the same thing that causes little girls to swoon. They are safe in their crush, free to daydream and worship from afar without feeling threatened by them. This is also true for other celebrities such as Leonardo DiCaprio. Look at him...he looks like a boy whose voice is still cracking. He's also on the walls of millions of teenage girls across the country. There is a definite correlation between baby faces and teenage girls. Look at Lisa Simpson and "Corey". Remember the episode where she made all those calls to the Corey line?

What made me think this theory has some merit, is that the object of my affection when I was eight or nine was Duran Duran. I know that I am not the only girl in her twenties who went through an extreme crush on these guys. Looking back, they are the ultimate in non-threatening masculinity. They wore heavy make-up and brightly colored clothes. I know it was the 80's, but even so, they did stand out from their peers as being particularly tame.

Looking at the situation from this viewpoint, these groups don't bother me as much. I see them for what they are, the fodder of little girl's fantasies. In that light, I can actually tolerate them. As long as I don't have to listen to their music.

January 6...I've got a couple of things to say regarding recent events in the news.

1. The Cuban boy in Miami thing. What is up with THAT bullshit? The kid was found clinging to an inner tube, floating in the ocean, his family dead because they were attempting to commit what is supposed to be an illegal act (entering the country without permission), and the US takes him to it's bosom and debates on whether or not to return him to his father? Look, the kid may be the cutest thing since sliced bread, but the fact remains that he is NOT an American citizen, and he should be returned to the country he is from. The fact that people are protesting the government's decision to return him (which shouldn't have even been an issue) shows a lack of logic that I find hard to digest. Call me a shithead, but we can't just take in every Tom Dick and Harry that washes up on our beaches. And to have an international dispute arise over this is fucking ludicrous.

2. Jennifer Lopez & Puff Daddy. Let me just give a big fat shout-out of WHO CARES to these idiots. I'm tired of hearing about them, I'm tired of their antics, and if there is a god, he will take all of Puff Daddy's money away so that obnoxious piece of shit will one day be comparable to Todd Bridges and appear on The E! True Hollywood Story whining about how broke he is.

January 5...I wasn't going to talk about it. I swore this wasn't going to become an online journal. And despite what follows, I promise all of my loyal readers that I won't become a self-obsessed, driveling whining asshole. Ok, forget the last part. Anyway, what follows may shock and dismay many out there in internet land, but the joy can be contained no longer...

drum roll please...

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!

Yes, it's true, I've got a big old rock on my finger and a smile on my face. Now, in light of recent webpages who aren't so hip to the idea of marriage, I offer a brief rebuttal:

Marriage can suck. It can be really really bad and make your life a living hell. BUT, if you marry the right person, and if you know from the get-go what both you and he/she want out of life, it can be a solid partnership that will lead to a satisfying life. I firmly believe there should be a law that no one is allowed to marry before they are 25. This isn't just because I am 25, but because I really think getting married any younger is a bad idea. Sure, it happens and works sometimes, but the odds are greater for failure rather than success. I also think you should live with someone for a good while before you marry them. Most people do nowadays, which is great, but until you live with someone, you don't know the REAL them.

People who KNOW marriage isn't for them should be applauded. It is much better to know marriage isn't right for you, rather than to be ambivalent about the issue, get married on a whim, and then regret it months later. However, I've always known I wanted to get married. Not for it's own sake, but rather because I want children, and I want someone to share my life with. Maybe it sounds lame, but I don't think wanting these things makes someone pathetic.

I hope I don't sound defensive, because that is not my intention. Of course, there is tons more to say on why marriage isn't necessarily a bad thing, but that will have to come later. I've got to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan ('cause I'm a woman). (sorry for the Angelie (or however you spell that cheap-ass perfume) flashback.)

January 4...Someone is eating some really nasty food right now. Ugh...it's permeating the whole office. You know, I really really hate the postal system. Why does it seem that postal workers have no problem delivering junk to my house right on time, yet the really important stuff never arrives. It just never comes! What the hell do they do with it? Throw it away? Do they do it on purpose? Is it a sinister plot to overthrow the government (the postal service is an independent entity, you know...)? Whatever it is, it's seriously cramping my style.

Let me explain. I found out at around 1:00 pm that my $2,000 tuition is due TODAY. I knew the deadline was coming up, I knew I should probably start making arrangements, but silly me was FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS and waiting like I was told to receive a statement in the mail (on a side note, the food I am smelling is starting to make me ill. Jesus Christ, it smells like burnt pot roast). Well, my dad calls this morning and says "You got a postcard saying tuition is due today." Silly man, I thought, you know nothing of the ways of the world. But, to humor him, I decide to call and see if he was right. He was.

Because of a variety of factors in my life, none of which I care to share, the money will not be available to me until after five. This means I will be dropped from my classes. I can, and will be, reinstated, but there may be a penalty. And all because of some fuckwit at the post office.

January 3...You Gonna Eat That? has been all over the place lately. My New Year's resolution is to get my groove on and bring some sort of consistency to my darling web page. With that out of the way, let me just say how happy I am to be alive, and thankful that the world didn't end a few days ago. Although if it had, I would have certainly gone out in style. Just to rub it in to all my northern readers, on January 1st I was lounging by a pool, basking in the sun, and drinking a pina colada. I hope my leisurely holiday is an omen of things to come.