October 29...I just wanted to give a heads up that I will be taking an indefinite hiatus from doing this here page. Quite frankly, I have found my latest updates to be pathetic, a desperate attempt at updating even though I really have nothing to say. This isn't to say I'll be gone for good, I just need to relieve some of the pressure off myself, letting myself realize that it's okay to not update. Totally weird, I know. So I'll be back someday, but for now, adios.

October 24...I have a question…maybe someone out there can help me answer it. When people tell you that other people talk about you behind your back, are they doing it to be your friend or are they engaging in some sort of weird, malicious back-stabbing psycho gossip behaviour? I had a woman at work today tell me all the things my lovely co-workers have said about me. There weren’t many specifics, they don’t think I’m a bitch or anything like that. The reason they hate me is that I happen to share the same name as the company. I have had almost everyone come to me at one point to confide that someone else has been talking shit about me. Today was the final straw, largely because I finally let loose and asked the woman why she was telling me this. Her answer: “So you know who your real friends are.” Hmm.

I know that the bullshit attitude of my co-workers shouldn’t affect me. But it does. So there you go.

I think I need to call a group meeting and sit everyone down and tell them once and for all that they can resent me all they want. Because no one can ever say I don’t work hard and do my job as well as I possibly can.

I have another question. I happen to use Playtex tampons. They come in either a box of 20 or a box of 40. But they only come in deodorant in the box of 40. This irks me to no end. I HATE deodorant tampons. I don’t know what crackhead thought that atrocious “deodorant” smell was a good thing to add to a woman, but it fucking reeks. So why can’t I get the more economical box of 40 in non-deodorant? Why Mr. Playtex? Fucker.

October 22...I can already tell today's entry is going to be all weird and disjointed, which usually equals non-entertaining. Please bear with me.

One of the speakers in my car is blown. Sometimes it hisses and crackles when you turn the CD player on, sometimes it doesn't. Usually the former. It's very strange driving around 80% of the time in complete silence. Sometimes I sing to myself in the car, but usually I feel pretty stupid so I stop. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming and not paying attention to what's going on. This is bad. I think this all means I should get new car speakers, but I can't justify spending the money. Anytime we have a little extra money something seems to come up, whether it's surgery or needing new tires. So I guess I'm doomed to silent car rides for the forseeable future.

I've been very resentful towards work and school for how little free time I have lately. I know that seems incredibly whiny, but as Angie would say, feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. (FYI, that's meant to be said/read in an incredibly annoying voice. It increases the humor, trust me.) All of this resentment has manifested itself into weird crying jags the past week. For instance, Michael left this morning for a five day business trip. Last night I was so terribly depressed about it I started crying. Lest you think me completely pathetic, I stopped after about two minutes, but there you go. Why should his abscence of 5 days set me off so unreasonably? I think part of it is my approaching period, but another part which I think is totally relevant is that I am overworked. I think everyone needs time to themselves. We can't operate continuously and expect to be happy and well-adjusted. Right? So today I have decided not one bit of schoolwork will take place. It's a Lisa day. I'm going to update my webpage and read a book and watch television to my hearts content.

Don't you hate it when you go out to eat and get a creepy waiter? I mean, someone who makes your skin crawl every time you see him approach the table. Someone whose pathetic attempts to get you to order more off the menu are so lame that you don't even feel guilted into going along with their suggestions, you just want to call the manager over and tell them to make the bad man go away. I had this experience last Thursday. Said waiter was so bad, the comment was made that he seemed like an actor in a porn movie. He wasn't being overtly lacivious or anything of that nature, it was just like he was a really bad actor. The whispy little moustache he was sporting probably added to the image. Ugh.

Ok, compulstion to update is over. Hope this satisfied. Sorry for all the melodrama, but I'm a girl. It's my job.

October 13...Today I had a girly day. One of those days where I detest the thoughts that run through my head, thoughts that consist of things along the lines of "She's so much prettier than I am" or "God I'm so fat" or "Yuck, is that really me in the mirror?". I try to stay away from thoughts like those, and most of the time I do a pretty good job at it, but now and then they slip into my mental process and manage to completely eradicate all the good thoughts and feelings I had about myself. Like nevermind that I'm smart and funny (I AM, damnit!), the world must end because I can no longer shop in the juniors section!

So excuse me while I make myself puke (and probably you, too.)

Yesterday as I was getting out the car to go into my office, a gust of wind slammed it straight into my mouth. It hurt like a mofo. I walked inside and happend to glance into a mirror on the way to my desk and my lip was busted open. Only I would be capable of such a stunt. The swelling has gone down quite a bit, but it was really cool to look like a prize fighter for the day (insert sarcasm.)

Just between you and me, I'm supposed to be studying for my accounting midterm. I've played about 10 games of solitaire and checked my email a few times in the past hour alone. I wonder if I intentionally try to underachieve, or if it's all a coincedence?

I bought a new purse today. I am not a purse kind of girl. I would rather carry my wallet and keys and lipstick around in my hands all day than carry a stupid handbag. I can't help but feel like my mother when I have a purse. Don't ask. But today I realized that it had to be done. For the sake of convenience. So the purse I liked was simple and on the small side, and black. Those were my 3 requirements. But it has this like leopard print on the inside. You really can't see it that well, and I almost didn't buy it for that reason alone. I am just not an animal prints person. But I bought it anyway, so don't think less of me for it.

October 9...I suppose it's time to update now. Sigh.

The weather is like 48 degrees and rainy. I'm in heaven. I'm wearing the ugliest pair of flannel pajamas you've ever seen, enjoying the rain, enjoying the cold, feeling so cozy and like everything is right with the world. Michael left for Seattle today and I've got the house to myself. It's Lisa time. Lisa's in full effect. Yeah.

So, if you haven't noticed by now, I'm on the internet. The place I waste most of my free time. I realized today that half the stuff I usually look at doesn't interest me in the least anymore, which says I don't know what. I bid on three things on eBay today in a fit of spontaneity. I am not a girl who likes to shop, but there is something about eBay that turns me into compulsive shopper-girl, buyer's remorse included.

October 3...Ok, I changed my background, and if you had seen the first one you would be as relieved as I am. It was pretty heinous.

So I have to announce to everyone that herein starts my birthday month. I am a total egomaniac about my birthday. I honestly believe it should be a national holiday. Even though the prospect of getting older is not the most appealing one (I'd like to stay 25 forever), I still delight and rejoice in having birthdays. So prepare to hear all about the days leading up to my 26th...it will be fascinating, I'm sure.

For some reason I've got the debate on right now. It hasn't started yet, but I'm hearing the thrilling details of how many sheets of paper they're allowed to bring on stage with them. I'm having some real problems with deciding who to vote for. Because in many ways, I am a Republican. Yes, it's true. I believe in less government and lower taxes. But I can't get past how much I inherently loathe George W. Bush. He is such a tool. It is completely irrational how much his presence on this Earth angers me. It must be akin to the hatred of the redneck with "Impeach Clinton and Her Husband Too!" on his truck bumper. For instance, why do they hate Clinton so much? It's unexplainable, totally doesn't make any sense, but there you go.

Okay, so Clinton is pretty gross. That's a good word to describe him, plain old nauseating. I feel the same way about Hillary. But I still can't get as irate about him as Bush.

Gore bugs the shit out of me. It's as simple as that. But not as much as Bush. Isn't it pathetic that this is what my vote will come down to? Let's face it, I'm only 25. I don't make a lot of money, own a lot of property, in short, I don't have a political stake in America right now. And don't try to tell me that isn't true, because it is. What the President of the United States does for the next four years affects me about as much as it does an Eskimo in Antartica.

So in short, because I don't want to waste my vote on a third party candidate (and for me it would be wasted because I have to use my vote to end George Bush), it looks like I'm voting for Gore. God help us all.