Darling We're the Young Ones...

Do you guys remember The Young Ones? If you don't remember or are too young to, it was ONLY the funniest fucking shit to ever come out of England during the 1980's (besides Banarama). This brilliant sit-com centered around the lives of four young university lads sharing a house in London. The dialogue was filled with sharp, biting social commentary, usually against Margaret Thatcher or the British establishment. These were the characters:

Neil: The hippy of the group. Always eating lentils and trying to commit suicide. Tall skinny guy with long hair. The most hated member of the house (and if you've ever lived in Austin Texas or California, you would understand why--there is nothing more annoying than a self-righteous hippie, riding his bike, bitching about people who drive cars, and reeking of patchouli, the nastiest smelling shit ever!)

Rick: Anarchist, social activist. Always refering to people as "fascists". Formed a union society called "People Who Don't Pay Their TV Licenses Against The Nazis". Unique dancing style. In one thouroughly engaging episode, mistook a tampon for a mouse. My personal favorite.

Mike: The Londoner of the group (before I met my ex-husband (a Londoner), I didn't really "get" Mike. You gotta know these people to understand). Fashion and sex obsessed. Always coming up with money making schemes.

Vivian: PUNK RAWK! Interesting Prodigy-like hairdo with a mowhawk in the middle and down the sides. Four metal studs in the forehead. Very violent, yet endearingly sweet. I can hear his shrill cry of "Bastard!" (which was usually directed at Rick) even now.

This show instilled in me a life-long fascination with all things english. Smart, funny, and before its time (for the United States anyway), it caught on briefly when MTV aired the series in around 1983. Trust me when I say this show was true brilliance at it's finest. If you've never seen it, run, don't walk to your local independent video store and rent the compliation tapes that are available. I swear, you won't regret it. (Note: For any of you out there with satellite, it is still shown on BBC America. When, I have no idea.)

My favorite quote: "I'm gonna tell Thatcher we've got a bomb, and if she doesn't do something to help THE KIDS, we're gonna blow up England! These are my demands. 1. Abolish capitalism. 2. Abolish racism. 3. Dexy's Midnight Runners, playing free, daily, in the university library."-Rick

Quotable Lines

Demolition

Neil: "Oh wow!"
Neil: "Guys, there's some dinner on the floor if you want it"
"Wow, I hope we don't have a crash..."

Oil

Rik & Vyv: "Neil, your bedroom's on fire !"
Neil: "No way man ! Everyone knows sleep gives you CANCER!"

Boring

Neil: "I just looked at it and it blew up !"
Policeman: "That's white man's electricity you're using." (to be used with heavily emphasised smilies !)
Neil: "Guys, why don't we, like, try going to lectures tomorrow ?"
Mike: "Neil, I know things are bad but there's no need to panic ! No, I'll just treat this problem like my mattress - and sleep on it."
Rick: "Wouldn't it be amazing if all this (Monopoly) money was real?"
Vyv: "Rick, that is the single most predictable and boring thing that anyone could ever say whilst playing Monopoly."

Bomb

Neil: "It's like the kettle killed itself rather than be used by me..."
Mike: "If people weren't sick, we wouldn't need penicillin"
Mike: "A social conscience is like a garden fence, you try to eat it, it'll get stuck in your throat."
Rick: "No, YOU put my address down. Rick, 15 Credibility Street" (at the Social Security office)
Rick: "Tomorrow everyone in England will be free, and there will be no more social prejudice or hatred. GET UP NEIL, I HATE YOU !!!!!!!"

Interesting

Neil's hippie friend Neil: "My barely adequate psychic defences are crumbling !"
Rick: "You bought me a present! It's a telescope -- a telescope with a mouse in it!"
Professor Jim Morrison: "Wow, what is this stuff - tobacco or ...Pink Floyd ?"
Neil's hippie friend Neil: "Wow - it's so uncoool !"

Flood

Rick: "God, I'm bored. Might as well be listening to Genesis"
Rick: "There's nothing poofy about a man wanting to love his fellow man - It's just when they start touching each others' bottoms...." - (to be used with heavy irony)
Vyv: "I put it (serum that turns you into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac) in a Coke can so nobody'd drink it by mistake."
Neil: "You know, I just bet that a bit later on someone does drink that and turns into an axe-wielding homocidal maniac."
Rick: "Yes, I bet that as well. That's just the sort of crazy imaginative thing that happens around here."
Mr. Balowski: "Ah, Coca-Cola, symbol of free West!"
Rick: "There's no one in here, Mr. Balowski! We're all holograms !"
Neil: "Oh, well, out of one frying pan, into another frying pan."

Bambi

Vyv: "You haven't got a sister, Rick! You're the classic example of an only child."
Vyv: "This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence."
Rick: "Honestly, I don't know why I bother sometimes..."
Vyv: "I don't know why you bother ever."
Neil: "Socks aren't vegetables, man, they should be wiped out !"
Rick: "Hands up who likes me !"
Miss Money-Sterling: "I've got a Porsche -bwaha haha ha" (a.k.a. Emma Thompson)

Cash

Vyv: "Neil, is it really necessary to nail the plates to the table? What happens when we want to play Monopoly? Go directly to plate? Do not pass plate nailed to the table by a stupid hippie?"
Neil: "Boom shanka...May the seed of your loins be fruitful in the belly of your woman."

Nasty

Rick: "Oh, that's right, Vyvyan. If the mountain won't come to Muhammed, smash the drawing room to pieces. That's very Buddhist, isn't it!"
Rick: "Neil, the bathroom's free! Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta."
Rick: "Neil, is it really necessary to have the light on when you're in the bath?"
Neil: "Well, yeah."
Rick: "Why, what are you planning to do - photosynthesize?"
Mike: "What's that thumping?"
Vyv: "Oh, it's probably Rick doing a bit of reading."
Vyv: "YES !! WE'VE GOT A VIDEO !!!"
Mike: "I hate to say anything negative, but no."
Vyv: "Rick, shut up or I'll kill you."
Neil: "Flares are coming back in -- I read it in my horoscope!"
Rick: "Neil, how are you keeping that flowerpot up?!?"
Rick: "Oh, no. The front door's exploded."
Vyv: "'Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan!' Honestly, whenever anything explodes in this house, it's always 'blame Vyvyan!'"
Rick: "What, me, Rick, a virgin? Try telling that to some of the foxy chicks who owe me favours."
Rick: "So in fact, all four of us have stayed up for the entire night. Now that's what I call anarchy!"

Time

Neil: "Oh no, I'll die if I miss 'Scooby-Doo'!"
Rick: "And that's Vyvyan....being sick"
Mike: "Last one to find the jungle animal has to take off all their clothes. (to Helen Mucus) All right, your turn."

Sick

Rick: "We never clean the toilet, Neil! That's what being a student is all about!"
Neil: "I hope Mike hurries back with the cure!"
Vyv: "No Neil, it's Madness this week!"

Summer Holiday

Mr. Balowski: "Aw, some sod broke your chair! That's 20 pounds you owe me."
Rick: "What's the difference ? There'll be plenty of chicks for these tigers on the road to the promised land! Who cares about Thatcher and unemployment? We can do just exactly whatever we want to do! And do you know why? Because we're Young Ones! Bachelor Boys! Wild eyed big bottomed anarchists! LOOK OUT !!! CLLLLLIIIIIFFFF !!!"