Psychological Impacts of DI

The decision to use DI should not be taken lightly, and you should be prepared and have worked through any issues you have. This is truly a decision that will not only affect the rest of your life, but the life of a child as well.

Turning to Donor insemination is a big decision for any couple. Besides the biological implications, there are some psychological ones that also must be considered. Like any fertility treatment, DI may make you both feel as though your private life is being intruded upon. Many times, infertility can lead to separation when one of you is uncooperative or going along with treatment only because that is what they feel the other wants. Both of you must be totally honest about your feelings and it is advisable to seek help from support groups or professional counseling.

You will need to face your own feelings concerning infertility, donor insemination, and any other reservations you may have. It is normal to feel some guilt or anger towards each other for having fertility challenges. Many men may experience a of loss of self esteem, or fear the loss of his partner because of infertility. Others may feel threatened by the fact that the child will be genetically related to his partner and not to him. Some must mourn for the biological child they will never have -- they will not 'pass along their family genes'.

Make a list of all the reasons why you want to do DI, and a list of all the concerns you have. Have your partner do the same. Go over your lists together and discuss your concerns and difference from each others list. Many of the concerns may not seem as overwhelming as you thought -- or your desire to have a child may be so great that you are both willing to work through any issues you may have. Perhaps DI is indeed the perfect choice for you!

For some couples, there may just be issues you can not resolve. Be open and honest with each other as this decision will affect you and your child for the rest of your lives. Perhaps DI is not the right choice for you.

There is also the issue of secrecy. Should you keep it secret from your child, friends and relatives? If knowledge of the procedure is concealed there is always the risk that the truth will eventually be disclosed, causing the child to feel betrayed. There are expert opinions in favor or against disclosing this fact to the child. In the end, you need to make the decision that you feel is best for your family.