by pstoddard
(Originally published in "The Eagle Hill Sentinel" Issue 6, August 1987)
Sky, Sky, I'm sorry it had to end this way. I am truly sorry. I did love you - perhaps part of me still does. I still remember the first day we met - it seems so long ago. You came all the way to New York, just to meet me. The only thing you knew about me was that I had posed as a model in one of your fashion magazines. And I was so determined to keep it that way.
So I never brought up the subject of the past. Perhaps if I had, things would have been different. Perhaps we could have figured out a way to make it work. You were so kind, so gentle, so caring. If only you hadn't - if only you hadn't been one of the Leviathan cult. One of the few things I could not forgive.
We almost made it work. Closer than I ever came before. I've been married twice before; never have I had what we did. Roger, he's barely worth mentioning. He was just a tool for my revenge. The only thing he gave me that I never had before was a son. Not really my son, but a son all the same - in time, I think, I could have learned to love him. David...It makes me wonder what our children would have been like.
Then, of course, there was Barnabas - the closest thing to true happiness I ever had. Oh, how I loved him. You would never have known from all I did to him, but yes, I loved him. And I was determined to have him. That was my biggest mistake - to try to force him to love me. He finally did, though. I could have had him. I could have been happy. And I was - for a while. But I was too jealous - and not willing to give up my powers. Barnabas found out I was a witch, and that was where my happiness ended.
That was why I never told you about my past, Sky. I was too afraid that I would lose you, too. And I couldn't do that. I couldn't lose you. I loved you. I loved you. But you betrayed me.
Once I loved you. Now you are gone forever. But you were gone from me long before you were dead. Perhaps they all were. Perhaps they all will be.
Won't I ever find love?
