By: Alicia (J0J0_77@hotmail.com)

July 2000

(VOY, P/T, PG~13)

Summary: From Tom's POV. The 10 things he hates the most about B'Elanna.

Spoiler Warning: None

Disclaimer: Not mine, Paramount's. They own it all. So please, don't sue.

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You know you're one of the most important things in my life, and I care about you more than anything. But — and you knew there would be one — there are just some things about you that I can't ignore.

So, B'Elanna Torres, these are the ten things I hate about you.

You're so cranky all the time. You break a nail and you come home ready to kill someone. A run in your pantyhose isn't the end of the world you know. You can always replicate another pair.

You think PMS is an excuse for everything. True, I may not have to go through that, but how bad could it be? Does it really excuse hitting me, cursing at me in Klingon, and locking yourself in your quarters? I don't hear Captain Janeway or Sam Wildman bitching about it all the time.

You can't use a dermal regenerator to save your life. The way you wield that thing reminds me of the way Naomi holds a phaser. Like a terrified little child. I don't have time to heal both of us every morning after all those damn bite and scratch marks we both end up with. It would take me an hour!

You think I have a thing for Captain Janeway. Come on, Lanna! Just because I had alien babies with her doesn't mean anything! She's a good friend, and I respect her..but I don't have fantasies about running off to her bed. I mean, think about it for a minute. Who do I wake up next to in the morning? Whose hand do I hold secretly under the conference room table? It's you, B'Elanna. Only you, and I'm surprised you haven't picked up on that by now.

You want me to dish out too much of my past. It's not that I don't trust you, because I do. Some things are just better for me to keep to myself. When I'm ready to tell you, I will. Stop bugging me about it!

You never wear the clothes I replicate for you. And in the bedroom doesn't count, Torres. I spend good rations to replicate dresses, shirts..and what do you do with them? Stick them in the drawer and smile politely. I know you like them, so why don't you wear them? Are you ashamed of your body or something? Or do you just not like to wear tight clothes in public?

You don't appreciate the 20th century enough. You don't even try to adapt in the holodeck programs. You can't keep punching out the elves in the Santa program because they try to hug you. They're there to greet you! Did you know I had to program Santa to forget who you are after every time you walk away? It's pretty hard to piss off Santa, but you sure managed.

You shave your legs with my razor. That gets real old real fast, Lanna. Why don't you bring your own razor for once? I'm sick of going to use mine and finding your leg hairs. Geez, a guy needs to have -something- that belongs to just him!

You don't finish what you start. Like the other morning in the turbolift, you got me all hot and heavy..and then walked out. We still had a few minutes, we could've found a nice deserted corridor or supply closet. But no. So there I am, standing in the 'lift with a major erection and who steps in but Commander Chakotay. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?! And you know these uniforms aren't exactly ideal for hiding those kind of..problems.

You don't understand why I can't say 'those words'. You never say anything, but I know it hurts when you tell me and you're met with silence. I'm sorry, okay? I just can't say them yet. It's not that I don't feel them..believe me, I do. I just need to be sure it's for real. The last time I told someone 'those words', they died..don't you see? I can't take that risk. I just wish you could understand.

I know most of those aren't very major, but they really get on my nerves. See what you can do, okay?

Just so you know, even though I hate those things, they do make you more endearing to me. And while there are ten main things I hate about you, there are at least a hundred things I love about you..but we won't get into those right now.

END