Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters... but I'll keep dreaming. :p
Six months later, I believe that I am finally fully adjusted to the newest member of our "family". I still refer to it as the "rodent", even though the little thing has attached itself quite firmly to my heart. It is adorable, the way it clings to Kojiro's head when it wants a ride, or when it scampers around underfoot when it gets excited. And, I've only stepped on it twice.
It had only occurred to me some weeks after I let Kojiro keep it that it didn't even have a Pokéball. My husband explained to me that it had come to him on it's own, so he had never exactly "captured" it; it might have been abandoned at some time by another trainer. We aren't training it to do anything now, although I would like to train it to stop burrowing through piles of dirty laundry, a habit that I blame entirely on Kojiro.
On this particular night I have just turned the lights out and am waiting for Kojiro to come to bed. More than likely he is putting Ootachi in it's own bed beneath the futon. That it slept in another room was something I had made sure he knew the absolute necessity of.
My eyes have yet to adjust to the dark, so the room is still cloaked in pitch black as I huddle under the blankets in an attempt to warm myself on this cold winter night. Several minutes pass before I see a vague shadow appear in the doorway, followed by a loud clunk and an even louder string of curses. I merely smile as Kojiro makes his way slowly around to his side of the bed.
"I stubbed my toe," he whimpers to me before climbing in.
"Poor baby," I murmur before losing control and giggling at him.
"Not funny, Musashi," he replies, snuggling up close to me. I try to push him away halfheartedly.
"Cold... you're too cold."
"That's the point... I'm trying to get warm." He moves even closer and puts his cold hands on my bare stomach; they tickle and feel like ice at the same time.
"Kojiro..." I begin warningly, "don't you even... Kojiro!"
Before long we are both giggling and pushing at each other like two children playfully wrestling. Quite unlike a child might, however, Kojiro's frigid hands seem to aim for areas of my anatomy that are particularly sensitive to cold. In the end, I win (naturally) by flipping him onto his back and pinning him down with the weight of my body. I have the feeling that he might have let me win, but I would never say that.
"Want to warm up, do you?" I grin wickedly, my nose pressed against his. "I know just the thing..."
My energy and passion spent, I lay nestled comfortably with my head resting in the crook of Kojiro's arm while he smooths my hair gently away from my temples. I am quickly becoming very sleepy and would have soon drifted off if he hadn't said something then.
"Musashi... I've been thinking..." He moves slightly in order to look down at me; the moon is shining through the window now, and by it's light I can see the outline of his face, most of his hair hanging down loose and dangling tantalizingly near my nose. I reach behind his head and pull out the elastic that was holding the rest back so that it all tumbles down, almost as long as my now short hair. Lost in playing with it, I eventually realize that he hasn't spoken again.
"Thinking about what?" I prod softly, tucking the hair back behind his ears.
"Well... Musashi..." he begins again, this time seeming faintly nervous. "I was wondering... you... you still take those pills, don't you?" I blink up at him.
"Kojiro... we just got through... and now you wonder if I'm taking the pills?"
"I'm sorry, but..." he replies, sounding wounded by my tone of voice. "I was just... thinking about..."
"Having a baby? First a Pokémon... now a baby, Kojiro? What will you want next?" I ask him, only half teasing. "Besides, we can't afford--"
"Don't use that excuse again... Our debts are almost all paid off, and by the time you had the baby, we could have some saved up. And then--"
"You think too far ahead," I interrupt him by sighing. Even without enough light I can see the pouting expression on his face as he mumbles, "But don't you want a baby..."
"It's too late to talk about this now. Why don't you just go to sleep, Koji-chan, and we'll talk about it later."
"I guess," he sighs, laying down again. "If you promise, Musa-chan..." Despite his apparent protest, he is soon asleep.
But now I can't sleep.
I suppose it would be nice to have a baby, maybe a cute little boy that looked like my Kojiro-chan... I shake my head quickly to rid my mind of the image of that little boy. Always before when Kojiro had brought up the subject, I had laughed and told him we couldn't afford it, and besides, taking care of two babies instead of just one might be too much for me. He would scowl at me then, clearly understanding what I had meant.
...the little boy smiled up at me, he seemed so small as his hand reached up to clutch mine...
And I had always wondered what kind of mother I'd be... My own mother died when I was still only a girl, but I remember how much she had loved me, even though her work had kept her so busy... Miyamoto and her beautiful dark purple hair...
...the little boy came running to me, crying; I hold him tightly in my arms and comfort him as best I can...
I look over at Kojiro to see that he is still asleep. He has one hand clasped over mine, close to his mouth as though about to kiss it, but his breathing remains deep and even. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, knowing that his parents never really loved him. I had never asked him about it, yet on the rare occasions that I talk about my mother, there is a tightness to his smile and a sadness about his eyes, showing me that thinking about parents causes him pain that he is holding back from me. I may know the pain of losing someone who loved me, but I don't know the pain of not being loved at all...
...the little boy is smiling again, smiling and so happy, telling me that he loves me, his eyes intent and adoring on my face...
Kojiro shifts around in his sleep, letting go of my hand and moving his face so close to mine that our lips are just barely brushing together. Closing the remaining distance, I kiss him softly before I finally drift into sleep.
The image of the little boy visits me even in my dreams...
In the morning I am awakened, as usual, by the press of little feet as Ootachi hops back and forth between Kojiro and me. It's hyperactivity is hard to control unless it is sleepy, which is only at night. How Kojiro can still be asleep is a mystery to me, yet he is. I shake my head, then give him a shove.
"Kojiro-chan, wake up! We're going to have a baby!"
It is truly amazing how fast his eyes popped open. "Really? When?"
"These things take time, you know," I smile. "We haven't exactly made one yet, but... I think we can start trying now."
"Really? Right now?"
"Kojiro!"
"Sorry... Anyway, it would be too hard with Ootachi being on your stomach like that." I look over at him as he smiles at me innocently, still sleepy but definitely eager.
Carefully, I pick Ootachi up and put it on the floor with a whispered, "You run along and play in the laundry or something, little rodent," and after a few pats on the head, it dashes away. "Now that we're alone... You know, we'll have that baby in no time..."
Six months later...
Even with four months left in my pregnancy now, the level of excitement is running fairly high. All Kojiro ever talks about is the baby; he even claims that it is listening whenever he talks to it through my stomach. All I do is smile and think of what a good father he will make. I am still wondering if I could possibly be a good mother, but I suppose I will just have to wait and see...
These are basically my thoughts again as I sit on the futon with Kojiro dozing next to me and Ootachi playing on the floor. Will I be a good mother, or will I...
The sudden, sharp pain in my abdomen causes me to sit up straight and clutch my stomach in fear. Visits to the doctor had never shown any problems... The pain is continuing rather than lessening or stopping. The corner of my mind unclouded by fear tells me I should do something.
"Kojiro... I think..." Surprisingly, he is immediately alert and holding my arm, intense concern in every line of his face.
"What's wrong, Musashi?"
"It hurts... my... Kojiro... I think we should go to the hospital..."
I lay in a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling. Kojiro is next to me, holding my hand, but I am not paying much attention to him. I am thinking about the baby. My baby.
I rest my hand on my stomach, but then remember that it isn't in there anymore. It is somewhere else, with doctors in another room, I think. My little boy was so small... how could it live...
Those doctors come into the room again. They say that the baby is dead, that it was too early for it to live, and that there were other complications with...
At this point I am not listening anymore. I don't feel anything different, no sense of loss, no sadness... I guess I have just gone numb. But when I look at Kojiro, I see that he is glaring at the doctors as they talk, an almost unbelieving defiance in his eyes. Yet he doesn't speak, which leaves them looking confused; they must think we are both odd.
Eventually they leave, and he glares at the door for some time, as if they were to blame for all that's happened. Then he looks at me, a brief, almost guilty look, before his face crumples and he rests it down against me on the bed. I see his shoulders shaking and know that he is crying, even though I can't hear it.
I stroke his hair, my fingers running through tangled lavender strands as cold, silent tears trail down my own face at last. It had been so important to him, to both of us...
...the little boy reaches his hand up again, straining to intertwine
his small fingers through mine, but his hand falls short, and the image
vanishes...
