Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I never claimed to, get off my back!! (Feelin' a little touchy today, myself.) :p
A month ago, it seemed our very lives had shattered. The pieces are coming back together now, but slowly and painfully. One day, it had seemed dangerously close to shattering anew...
Kojiro and I don't talk much, unless it is absolutely necessary. We have never even talked about what had happened, which was probably not the best thing for us to do. We continue to go about our lives - work, eat, sleep. Yet despite this apparent normalcy, we are both struggling with a pain that, for the most part, we have held inside ourselves.
I lie awake at night sometimes, listening to Kojiro crying at odd hours. And sometimes I cry too. The only problem is, we aren't sharing our grief with each other. Maybe we don't know how. We don't even sleep close together, much less are we intimate with each other.
As I sit on the bed now, trying to mend a hole in a shirt with clumsy fingers, I wonder to myself why... why is it this way between us now? Kojiro is standing at the window, staring outside in the way that he used to after Nyasu died. When he speaks suddenly, it startles me.
"Musashi?"
"Wh... what is it, Kojiro?"
He doesn't turn around, but continues talking in a low voice. "Maybe it would be best if... if we didn't try to have another baby."
"But--"
"I don't think I could take it if all this happened again... I think I would go mad."
"Kojiro, what are you--"
He continues to plow right over me as if I am not even there. "I've been thinking something else, too... I just don't think I could be a good enough father for a child. What I mean is, my own parents never loved me... How am I supposed to know how to love a child? I have no examples of love to go by..."
Without thinking, I stand up, flinging everything - thread, needle, and all - to the floor and stride over to him, yanking him around to face me. I draw my hand back to slap him across the face; not a hard blow, but just enough to get his attention. And I definitely have it now. He takes step back, hand pressed to his cheek, his eyes widening. Before he can say anything, I grab his shirt in both hands and pull him closer.
"How dare you... How dare you say that no one has ever loved you, Kojiro? That is so... It's selfish, is what it is. What about me? Don't you... Are you saying you don't think I..." It is growing increasingly harder to see him because of the tears welling up in my eyes. Speech is failing me as well, but Kojiro helps by suddenly pulling me into a hug; I just wish I wasn't sobbing now with my face buried in his chest, still clutching his shirt hard.
"Please, Musa-chan," he whispers to me gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way... I know you love me... I'm just lucky you still do, after putting up with how selfish I am..."
I shake my head, the only motion I seem capable of. Finally I murmur, "We have both been so selfish lately, Koji-chan... We've both been fighting against the pain all alone, when we could have been sharing it, to make it easier for both of us. We're both to blame for that. And don't say that you won't be a good father, because I know you will. You've shown that through how you've loved me. I know you would never give our baby any less." I manage a weak laugh through my tears. "I suppose you think I'm being really weak now.."
"No, no, of course not," he answers urgently, hugging me tighter. "You are one of the... no, you are the strongest person I know. It's why I need you so much. I don't know where I would be without you..."
I look up at last to smile at him. "You can be strong too... It's just that when you aren't, I'm here to help you." As if to emphasize this, I reach up to bring his face closer to mine, then kiss away the tears he had silently shed while comforting me. Without speaking, he smiles and takes my hands away, leading me over to sit beside him at the edge of our bed.
"What is your decision now?" I ask quietly.
"I think... I mean, I do want a baby. The two of us combined into one little person..." he finishes wistfully, staring into space as though he can see it now. As I watch him, I feel a newness come over me, almost like I felt on our wedding night, with so many new things to explore together...
Suddenly, Kojiro is kissing me, and I realize that I must have drifted off myself. It is a nice way to come back to reality, however. "You're right," I say teasingly, pushing him onto his back and settling myself on top. "Less talk and more action." He only smiles again before we continue.
Two people combined to form one... That will truly be something wonderful.
"Musashi-chan? Hello? Are you in there?"
Keiko giggles at me and I return from my reverie rather reluctantly. "Oh yes... I'm here," I smile, the happiness I had been feeling catching up to me again. I had just arrived at the café for work, and the two of us are waiting in the kitchen for orders to be prepared; I have yet to actually go out into the seating area.
Keiko shakes her head, sending blonde curls bouncing around her slim shoulders. "You know, Musashi-chan... You seem unusually happy. I think... that maybe you have some secret to tell?"
"Well, I..." I begin slowly, feeling the warmth of a blush tingling in my cheeks.
"I knew it!" Keiko exclaims triumphantly, without even letting me finish. She clasps both of my hands in her own and all but jumps up and down in excitement. "You're pregnant again, aren't you? Oh, this is so wonderful! I just knew it, since this is exactly the way you acted the last time! And this time everything will go just perfectly for you, I know it! And your baby will be so beautiful, it has to be, seeing as how..."
Her happy chattering fades away to me as I begin daydreaming again. Keiko is right - I am pregnant, and only a month along. In fact, I had found out just yesterday. I remember with a smile that Kojiro's reaction to the news had been even more spirited than Keiko's.
My order is ready shortly, and I am lucky my head unclouds enough to hear what table number it belongs to. I hum my way out the door with the tray and over to table four. When I see who is sitting at that table, I am lucky again, this time in that I don't drop everything in surprise.
For sitting there in front of me are two very familiar people - one a woman with long orange ponytails, and the other a man with short green hair.
Yamato and Kosaburo.
"Well, well... Musashi, isn't it? I wasn't sure for a minute... with the haircut and that... that costume," Yamato very nearly smirks at me. Anger replaces shock quickly. Yes, she is the same old Yamato - just as slender and pretty as ever, not to mention just as annoying. Kosaburo looks back and forth between us nervously, as if this was something he had wanted to avoid.
"So," I speak coldly as I plop their orders in front of them, "come to drag me back crying to Sakaki?"
"Ha," Yamato scoffs, "We don't belong to that... 'organization'... anymore. It's in such bad taste. And finding you here isn't a coincidence; no, we knew that you and your silly partner were here."
"He's my husband, not my partner. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do," I reply, as brittle as I can manage.
"Wait. We just want to... to know what's happened to you since you left... We don't mean you any harm at all, I swear it," Kosaburo finally speaks up, adding a sidelong glance toward Yamato in closing. Slowly, but scowling, she nods.
"That's right. Just tell us when you get off from work, and maybe we could drop by your place. We both live in town now too, anyway. We do just want to... talk," Yamato says, only sounding slightly reluctant.
"Five o'clock. And if you're only coming over to insult us, you might as well forget it." I sweep away from the table without giving them a chance to reply. This may be a big mistake... But my instincts tell me they just may be sincere.
I walk out the back door at five minutes after to see my two former enemies waiting for me. We don't talk much on the way; instead I try to size them up as we walk in silence. Kosaburo actually appears to be the most changed of the two - he is definitely calm and relaxed around me, and dare I say even good-natured. Yamato still looks and acts uncomfortable, but I suppose it is to be expected, as we have been somewhat close to mortal enemies for a rather long time. Despite my better judgement, I find myself wondering exactly what relationship the two of them share now that they are no longer "partners".
"Nice place," Yamato mutters as we climb the apartment stairs.
"It's not like yours is better," Kosaburo says with a shake of his head. She just scowls. Shaking my own head, I open the door.
"Kojiro! Where are your manners? We have company." I suppose I should be embarrassed by the fact that he is sitting cross-legged on the floor in the main room, wearing nothing but boxers, but for some reason, I'm not.
"Oh... oh!" he exclaims as though reality just dawned on him. He hastily scrambles to his feet, scrubbing a hand through the hair hanging in thick strands around his face, then gawks at the two figures behind me. "Yamato... and... and... Kosabara..."
"It's Kosaburo," the man whose name is in question sighs. Kojiro just blinks at each of the pair in turn before his eyes land on the disapproving look on my face.
"Oh... I'll go put something on." With a last unsure look at our old enemies, he hurries to the bedroom.
"So..." Yamato begins, smirking quite openly this time, "You really married that goofball? And you haven't gone crazy yet?"
I turn on her angrily, the fury heating up my face. "I said... If you came here to insult us, you'd better forget it!"
"Alright, alright... Quite the protective little wife you've become, hm?"
"Yamato, please," Kosaburo sighs again, looking pained.
"Fine," she huffs crossly.
"I'm going to talk to Kojiro," I sniff at the both of them. "Just go sit down or something." I don't wait to see that they do and don't even care how rude I'm being, but head straight to the bedroom myself.
When I arrive, Kojiro appears to be trying to put on both pants and a shirt at the same time. With a sigh, I help him with the buttons.
"Musashi... what are they..."
"They're not with Rocket-dan anymore... or so they say. And they just want to talk... if you can believe that." I move on to pulling more of his hair back into the ponytail, but despite my best efforts, as usual, several strands just refuse to be restrained. "I wish your hair would behave, Kojiro."
"It never does." He turns to look at me worriedly. "What are we going to do?"
"Just be careful what you say... I don't know what else we can do." I throw on some more decent clothes myself before we start for the door. "And remember, Kojiro... you behave."
"Me? What about you?" he grins, leaning down slightly to kiss me.
Yamato and Kosaburo are indeed sitting on the futon as instructed, but on opposite ends. Noticing this, and considering that there is only one other chair in the room, I push Kojiro down into it and sit on his lap, my arm wrapping around his neck protectively. Directing a smirk of my own at Yamato, I say, "Why so spread out? We're all pretty close here, right?"
Yamato and Kosaburo look at each other and actually smile. "Oh no... we're not 'together'. We live in separate apartments, if you must know. We're not like you two... Everyone knew about you two," Yamato concludes with a nod.
"Everyone... knew?" I say in confusion at the same time Kojiro says, "Knew what?"
"About how you liked each other while you were still in Rocket-dan."
"Everyone knew? We certainly didn't!" I protest hotly.
"Speak for yourself," Kojiro mumbles, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. Yamato giggles while I shoot my husband an acid glare, reminding myself to slap him later.
"Enough about this," I say irritably, extracting my arm from around Kojiro's neck to fold them both together tightly against my stomach. "Just tell us how you found us here."
"Well, it's basically the same answer as the first question," Kosaburo replies. "Everyone knows."
"Everyone?!" I practically shout, not paying any mind to the fact that I'm probably squishing my husband with the way I'm leaning forward.
"Don't get so excited," Yamato sighs. "Of course you were tracked once you started acting funny... Not reporting to Sakaki, etc. All former members are tracked once they leave the team. But it's not like they're going to come looking for you, or they would have by now. Besides, the two of you hardly merit capture."
I scowl at her, settling back against Kojiro again. "What about the two of you?" I snap. "Wouldn't you merit capture?"
"No..." Kosaburo says slowly. "Once you left, we were given your assignment. And, well... You can guess how it went from there."
"Exactly," I reply smugly. The both of them look just plain embarrassed until Yamato changes the subject.
"So the two of you have been married..."
"Three years," Kojiro supplies. I look at him suspiciously.
"...three years, and no little brats yet?"
"Well... actually..." Kojiro begins softly before I slip a hand over his mouth. They don't need to know about that.
"Actually," I smile indulgently, "I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant."
"That's great... Congratulations," Kosaburo says, sounding genuinely happy for us.
"Yeah... What he said," Yamato sighs. Meanwhile, I remove my hand from Kojiro's mouth and give him a calculating stare before turning back to the others.
"I hate to be rude now, but..."
"Wearing out our welcome, eh?" Kosaburo smiles, standing up and stretching. "It's okay." Yamato takes her time in getting to her feet, and that's when I notice Kojiro smiling faintly at something on the floor near her. I don't realize what it is until it jumps playfully onto her feet, causing her to shriek quite loudly.
"What is... what is that?" she squeals in a most satisfactory way. Kojiro wiggles his fingers at it and Ootachi hops up next to me on his lap.
"Just our Pokémon," I smirk at her for a final time. "Nothing to be so afraid of."
"Really, Musashi? The first time you saw it, you didn't seem to think so--"
I furiously glare at Kojiro, fingers clamping over his mouth once more. "You be quiet," I hiss. Yamato just laughs while Kosaburo wrings his hands nervously.
"Well, I... hope you'll let us visit again... sometime..."
"If we want to," Yamato snorts, breezing her way right out the door.
"Don't mind her," Kosaburo apologizes. "She's just... Well, she's been really touchy lately. I'm sorry.. But goodbye for now." We say our goodbyes and then we are left alone again.
The look I give Kojiro makes him squirm back in his seat, as though it would get him any farther away from me. Even Ootachi jumps down and scurries away.
"Musashi...?" he whimpers pitifully at me. "Musashi... Don't look at me like that... Musashi? Ow! Don't... don't do that!"
"Then don't embarrass me like that!"
"Okay... okay, I'm sorry! Let go!"
I finally give in and just relax against him, and after awhile he enfolds me in a hug. "Do you think they're serious? About not being out to get us or anything..." he asks quietly.
"I really don't know. I guess we'll have to trust them for now."
"Oh... alright." He rests a hand gently down on my abdomen. "How long did you say again..."
"Eight months, Kojiro. I wish you wouldn't ask this every day."
"Sorry," he mumbles, looking hurt. I kiss him softly.
"It's okay. I'm as anxious as you are." He accepts this with a nod and just holds me, occasionally running his fingers through my hair.
All I know for sure about these events in our lives is that time will
tell.
