Bob ate fish. Bob got Sal-Mo-Nella and got VERY sick. Bob died. Bob went to the bright light. When he got there all he found was this flashlight with a note. Dear Prospective Spirts: I've gone to lunch. I'll be back in two hours. Please wait. Thank You, The Mangement. When The Mangement got back, he said "Were you good?" Bob said "Well, I help old ladies across the street." The manger, Ifrinn, said "Yeah, but you left them in the passing lane!" Bob said "But they were old! And they smelled!" Ifrinn said "That doesn't matter. You weren't good. Go back down the tunnel & half way to the other light, take a right and talk to my brother, Squir. He'll fix you right up. By the way, are you hungry?" Bob went & saw Squir. He was in a pink, plush chamber with disco balls. Squir looked at a clipboard and said "hello Bob, so Ifrinn rejected you huh?" Bob said "Yeah, I wasn't good enough or something. "Well," said Squir, "this is the entrance to the land of Noggin, where all your dreams come true." Bob got very exicted about this. Squir said "but 1st you must lick all these pickles" as he pointed to a pile of pickles the size of Mt. McKinley. Bob was licking pickles for weeks and the pile didn't get ANY smaller! Bob finally went to Squir and said "Screw this! I quit!" Squir said "That's fine. Please exit the tunnel, go straight to the other light." Bob was getting really tired of lights and tunnels and all these weird people, but he went anyway. He got in the room and it was all glittery and tye-dye. Ceatramh said "This is you LAST chance Bob. To get in you must answer one questiong. What is the 1st letter of the alphabet?" Bob was very relieved at this because he though it would have been something hard like calculate the time it would take to travel round-trip from earth to uranus at the speed of light plus 20 miles. So he took a deep breath and said "A" Ceatramh said "Yes! Yes! Wonderful! Congratulations Bob! Welcome!" And Ceatramh opened the doors and Bob saw lights and sound and oh the color and he heard the BeeGees singin' about stayin alive and Bob turned around and said "Mr. Ceatramh, is THIS heaven?" the man laughed and said "What? Are you kidding? You're in Hell buddy!" And Bob laughed and went in and boogied the night away Baby!
*Author's Note: This Bob story was written before the author/authors decided that Bob was a representation (albeit a warped one) of an actual person. The person that the Bob in the later Bob stories isn't dead. Yeah. That's it. But, unlike America's favorite old cop show, Dragnet, the names will not be changed to protect the semi-quasi innocent.....
Back to the Stories Page... Back to the Seven Nations Humor Page..
