One day as Bob and his two good friends Melvin and Spam were sitting on Bob's front porch rocking in Bob's little rocking chairs trying not to think of anything in particular (for it was sweltering hot that day and the little group found thinking to be incredibly strenuous) Bob- miraculously- had an idea (despite his valiant efforts not to use up his precious energy). So, Bob decided to let his friend in on his wonderful thought.
"HEY!!" exclaimed Bob, "Why don't we all jump into my Back-To-The-Future-Winnebago and high tail it back to the Ice Age where it wasn't so friggin' hot?!?!?!?"
Well, needless to say SPAM and Melvin were very impressed with this very wise suggestion and so they agreed and then began preparing themselves for this great adventure (SPAM was especially excited because he always wanted to see a woolly mammoth.)
Soon the group was ready to go and after securely strapping Bob's prize Himalayan-Tibetan Llama, Edna to her seat in the back of the Winnebago, the three friends buckled themselves in and braced themselves for take-off. Bob was driving, of course, so he performed one of his many duties as such by calling out the countdown. "TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO," and as Bob reached the final, "OOOONNNEEE," his voice raised to a shriek and the Back-To-The-Future-Winnebago shot into the sky at a mind boggling speed.
Amidst the din of roaring time travel gadgets and car engines, Bob screamed out to Melvin in a near frenzy, "HHHOOOLLLDDD MMMEEEEE!!!!!" However, as afore mentioned, there was such a clangor of gizmos that even had the kindly Melvin heard Bob's panicked cry, he could not have complied anyway, for Melvin was buckled snugly next to Edna in the back of the Winnebago.
Then with a sudden, final, *CRASH* the Winnebago came to a halt. The three friends- and their beloved Edna- slowly (ever so slowly) began to catch their breath and regain their thoughts. As the fog began to clear from the windows of the Winnebago the posse realized that they had not- indeed- reached the ice age. SPAM was especially disappointed and exclaimed in a sad voice, "I guess we won't get to see the mammoths today." But then Bob pointed out that they were parked outside of a pub. This point lightened SPAM's mood and he felt a little better.
Well, the three decided to go into the pub and have a drink (Edna stayed in the Winnebago because she was very tired after their afternoon excursion, she was underage, and a llama in a pub would look very suspicious.) Anyway, as SPAM, Melvin, and Bob approached the door of the pub they noticed a sign that read (well, it didn't actually read, cause signs can't read . . .) "TONIGHT ONLY!!!!! Anti-Pepper and his Amazing Ovii. Also tonight only- FREE BEER." Well, needless to say, the three were now absolutely thrilled as they entered the bar.
The mood of the three changed to one of confusion when they saw a giant sized disco ball swinging rather precariously from the ceiling of the pub. Even more distressing to Bob, Melvin and SPAM was the strange spectacle that was performing on the stage. A bassist with purple hair and "shades" of that same violet hue was plugging out a "funky" bass line. Then, suddenly, the lone bass was joined by the horrible, ear splitting (yet strangely likable) wail that only belongs to the highland bagpipes. A man dressed in a white jump suit covered with hundreds of glittering rhinestones wearing blue "shades" was "groovin'" as he played those squealing, shrill pipes.
Obviously, Melvin, Bob, and SPAM were appalled by this deplorable use of such a noble instrument. Bagpipes and disco . . . ? Well, enough said. All the three wanted to do was get away from it. They were just planning their escape when rows and rows of dancing sheep suddenly filled the pub! The trio was instantly surrounded by blue- rhinestoned jumpsuits and black shades all dancin' their lil' hooves off in time to the music!
Well, poor Bob, whose nerves were already shot from the stress of the disco bagpiping nearly had a nervous breakdown when the "groovin'" farm animals surrounded him. So Bob, turning (as usual) to his trusted companion Melvin, cried, "HOLD ME!" But alas, Melvin could not comfort Bob for he was executing ESCAPE PLAN A.
Melvin had, with his extensive knowledge of the 1990's concocted an idea of how to flee the dancing sheep in their retro frenzy. He planned to leap from the stage and allow the disco-ing hooves to catch him and pass him safely to the door. So, Melvin pushed his way up onto the stage to test his theory. As Melvin jumped determinedly from the stage he found that only a hardwood floor waited to catch him. You see, Melvin, in his planning failed to realize that the sheep he was dealing with had no knowledge of the 1990's and therefore, had never crowd surfed before. He also did not recall that sheep are of the skittish sort, and don't take very kindly to being leapt on top of!
Well, it was just as Melvin was about to belly flop to the floor that Edna, who had heard Bob's distressed cry of, "HOLD ME!" from her comfortable seat in the Winnebago, burst through the doors of the pub. Instantly surveying and assessing the situation, Edna sprang into action. She leapt onto the swinging disco ball (suddenly thankful for her gymnastics training) and managed to jump back off of the ball just in time to allow Melvin to land safely on her back and save him from his near rendezvous with the floor. Then Edna proceeded to charge through the dancing sheep and carry Bob, SPAM, and Melvin back through the swinging doors of that very strange pub.
The four then ran to the BTTF Winnebago and blasted off to 1999 where disco (thankfully) is dead. The three friends were very grateful to Edna and her bravery and thusly treated her to her favorite drink (a virgin margarita). And so, the four sat happily on Bob's porch drinking margarita's and trying not to think of anything in particular.
The End
(This has been a Twig and Urchin Production)
