One Llama's Beginnings
Edna, Bob's prized Himalayan-Tibetan Llama, was born in the highlands of Dupshaluschkalinatia, a small suburban llama commune nestled somewhere between the towns of Here and There in the city-state of Guam. Her parents were the cheese-makers of Guam, and though they were poor, all they had they put towards Edna's education, as she was their only child. So, the young Edna, with the money her parents' earned from skimming whey off of goat curds, was sent to an elite school for llamas just down the road. Unfortunately, when little Edna was only 6 weeks old, she was llama-napped by an evil gymnastics trainer on her way to the school! *Gaspity gasp gasp!!* This evil gymnastics trainer smuggled poor Edna across the Guamian border to Dankland, where, recognizing her amazing gymnastic potential, he forced her into an intensive training program for the Himalayan-Tibetan Olympics!!! For a solid year, Edna toiled with the slave labor of the parallel bars and the high beam, perfecting her vaults and aerials, until one miraculous day, she escaped in her llama-napper's pink POS Ford pickup, while he was in the bathroom taking a pee pee. Joyously, she sped back across the Guamian border to her childhood home in Dupshaluschkalinatia, but, CRIPES!!--she returned to her parent's Cheesery only to find a solitary sign taped to the blackened door that said (well, didn't actually SAY cause signs don't TALK):
"NUCLEAR TESTING SITE. NO CHEESE FOR YOU--COME BACK SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS"
So, homeless, friendless, and cheeseless, Edna meandered back out to the pink POS Ford pickup and wept.
For the next two weeks she sat in a pub on the outskirts of the testing site, blitzed on margaritas, mourning the loss of her beloved family and home. One night a brawl broke out in the pub when a tough Danklandian biker accused an innocent lad of wearing FAKE LEATHER PANTS!!!
"They're VINYL, you HEATHEN!!" the biker bellowed to the cringing culprit.
"NO!!" the defendant sobbed into his half-spilled Guinness, "They're GENUINE cow hide— I SWEAR IT!!!!!"
"VINYL!!!!"
"LEATHER!!!"
"You're BOTH WRONG!!" screamed the bar tender, "They're LAMINATED DENIM!!"
The accused lad, unable to cope with this affront to his wardrobe, cried out, "SOMEONE HOLD ME!!!" and collapsed dramatically in his barstool. His cry touched Edna's inebriated heart and she sprang up from her seat at the bar and kicked the crap out of both the bartender and the Danklandian biker with a few judo chops. Once revived with a healthy shot of Jack Daniels, the lad, who introduced himself as Bob McLugie, thanked Edna profusely and offered to let her stay on his Llama Farm in Abu Dhabi. Edna graciously accepted and has been saving McLugie's butt ever since.
THE END
(This has been a Twig and Urchin Byproduct)
A Note from Lids, the High Holy Goddess of Bob: We love Twig and Urchin!!! WAHOO!!! What can I say? I laughed so hard I cried!
In Bob We Trust,
~Lids!~
