Fredania rushed down the hall where he found the damsel, dressed in a pink ballerina gown, silver tiara and silver platform sandals. She was holding a necklace made of flowers and she had the saddest expression on her face that Fradania had ever seen. His heart immediately leapt out to her (just as a male balerina would leap out on stage) and he ran to her.
"Damsel in distress!" he cried. "Whatever could be the matter?" Fredania momentarily forgot that he was there to try to assist the poor damsel and was distracted instead by her cute shoes. "Wow!" he exclaimed, completely changing the subject, "those shoes are fabulous."
The damsel looked at her shoes and showed them off as a model on MTV's House of Style would do. "They are great, aren't they?" she said excitedly, forgetting her sadness. And the shoes truly were great...the straps criss-crossed across the top of her foot and were covered with tiny jewels that shined a billion colors when she modeled the shoe. The platform heel was a good three inches high, but was chunky enough that the damsel was able to retain her balance at all time...well, except for that one time when the movie star turned around and caused her to bump into him...but that was OK, because it led to a whirlwind romance that lasted for three days, 13 hours and 23 minutes, and got her on the cover of three "People" magazines and 42 "National Enquirer" articles when she broke up with him, smashing his heart into little bitty pieces. "But let's not change the subject here, mister!" The damsel forced the pout back onto her face and continued twisting the flower necklace, pretending she wasn't waiting for Fredania to assist her.
Fredania smiled at the damsel and again asked what was the matter. The damsel stuck out her bottom lip even further and looked up at Fredania, her eyes welling with tears (she was very used to using this look on men and knew what angle to hold her head at so that she looked the most pathetic while still remaining extremely attractive). "It's my stupid boyfriend, Samuel!" she whined. "He is the most insentive jerk in the entire world!" The damsel was almost on the verge of tears and Fredania could not stand to see such a beautiful girl in such agony.
"What did he do to you, damsel?" Fredania threw himself on the ground in front of the damsel and clasped her hands.
The damsel scrunched her nose up in disgust. "Who are YOU to put your slimy hands on me, you black lattice pants wearing, red boot walking, fiddle playing, which by the way, is so NOT a cool instrument, baffoon!?!" The damsel backed away from Fredania shaking any germs off that might have escaped from Fredania onto herself. "Ew! Ew! Ew!" she cried..."You're so icky! But if you must know, my boyfriend is so insensitive because today is my birthday and I specifically told him I wanted a string of pearls and instead he gives me this!"
At that comment the damsel shook the necklace made of flowers at Fredania with so much venom and anger that he got off his knees and stood back in fear. Poor Fredania had never made someone angry before (well, except for that time when he borrowed that green shirt that read "I am a stud machine" from Bob, and people told Fredania it looked more convincing on him than on Bob...Bob really got mad then...) and he didn't know what to do.
"DO YOU HEAR ME?" the damsel screamed. "I WANTED PEARLS! AND THIS-THIS IS WHAT I GET?" Again the damsel shook the flower necklace at Fredania. Fredania looked at the flowers and to him, they were beautiful...every flower was bright and perfect, and the necklace had obviously been made with such care, but he was too scared to speak to the damsel. "MEN ARE SO STUPID!" the damsel screamed. "I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!"
And suddenly the damsel's appearance changed to Fredania. What has once been a beautiful, slightly quivering pout turned into a snarled, drooling growl. Her bright and shiny tiara turned into two pointed horns, and her lovely face melted away to show her green and slimy insides. But the shoes and the dress remained just as lovely because the shoes were just so darn cool and even monsters can wear pretty dresses.
The damsel huffed vigorously and threw the necklace into a nearby trash can and stormed off. When Fredania was convinced that the horrible monster was surely gone he sheepishly crept toward the trash can and pulled out the lovely necklace made of flowers. It really was pretty, so he decided to keep it.
Fredania was too shaken to attend fiddle school that day, since he realized that things and people are not always what they seem, so he decided to go for a nice long walk around the palace of Northern Macedonia, where his parents King Herb and Queen Al lived. As he came up to the palace, Fredania heard a quiet whimpering. He peered into the bushes and saw the cutest puppy that he had ever seen. The puppy was white and furry and was covered with brown patches and she had a long wagging tail with flowered ribbons tied around the end of it and she yipped when she saw Fredania.
Fredania immediately fell in love with the puppy and named her "Mush" and untied the necklace and attached one end to the puppy's pink collar (because Mush loved pink) to make a pretty flowered leash. But he didn't really need the leash, because Mush fell in love with Fredania too, and vowed in her puppy way to never leave his side.
And Fredania was very happy that he had a new puppy and Mush was very happy that she had a new Fredania and the two walked together, Mush always with her tongue hanging out, drooling, tail waggin' the way puppies do. And every once in a while Fredania thought about the beautiful damsel/monster and would say to himself, "Cool shoes or not, that damsel is no Mush!" And they lived happily ever after.
By:Vermillion Quagmire Pull
******************************************************************************* Fredania was minding his own business walking to Fiddle School when his Damsel Radar went off. This normally wouldn't be a huge deal, except his Damsel Radar had not previously gone off in public before. See the Damsel Radar, as some may already know, presents itself as wild and crazy dance. So there Fredania was, walking in his new red boots to Fiddle School when he was overcome by the urge to dance...Needless to say, he drew some stares, but off he went to find the Damsel in need.
Minutes later, Fredania came upon the weeping damsel (let's call her Merry from now on in.) Merry was upset because she had lost her job as a make-up artist for Barnum and Bailey's circus the night before (clowns plus lip liner=unemployment line) and didn't know how she was going to buy presents for her quintuplets birthdays. (Thought I was going to say for Christmas didn't ya???) Merry was quite distraught because she only had $42.57 to buy little Peter, Paul, (hell, why not??) Mary, Michelle, and Mandy birthday presents with. And seeing as she was trying to be a good mom, that just didn't seem like enough! Fredania was stumped for a minute. Suddenly, he had an idea.
See, Fredania knew of a Princess that could use a new make-up artist. Not that there was anything wrong with the way the Princess looked, but Fredania knew that Merry could be a good influence. Fredania used his telepathic powers to contact the Princess and secure Merry a position. Fredania explained that Merry would be given complete control over the Princess's looks and that she should be careful not to change too much too soon. The Princess was resistant to change, as were the members of the Princess's court. Every little action was analyzed, so Merry would have to play it safe for a while.
As Merry and Fredania were headed off to meet the Princess, disaster struck! A bootyquake rocked the earth! Merry and Fredania were soooo scared. Neither one had ever been caught in a bootyquake before as bootyquakes were usually reserved for the East Coast. Merry and Fredania ran for cover. Fredania's red patent leather hiking boots proved to be good running shoes, but alas poor Merry didn't fare so well. Her stiletto heel broke, and she found running with a four-inch heel on one side and nothing on the other to be quite challenging. Fredania, being the damsel saving gentleman that he is, patiently waited for Merry to catch up. Together they ran until they reached the safety of Fredania's house. Fredania invited Merry inside, and called the Princess. The Princess appeared (wow, it's almost like the Princess lived there too!) and loved Merry!!! Merry loved the Princess although she knew she had her work cut out for her! Fredania the super hero had saved the day again!!
By Jennie
