Melvin was quite surprised at Bob's sudden temper tantrum, so he did shutup and showed the Seventh Deli to their huts. They each had a cute little hut, each carefully decorated by Melvin as to bring out the inner Guillaium in each lad. SPAM's was absolutly covered in animal skin and tribal drums and mosquito netting. SPAM was quite confused and thought that this hut should be Melvin's (what with him being quite the Tarzan and all) but didn't argue. Next Melvin showed Fredania where he would sleep. Fredania's room was quite weird in itself. There were fish and whales and walruses and sea life all over the place. The room was dominated by a circular bed surrounded by a 10 foot tall circular aquarium. There was a wee opening in the aquarium at the foot of the bed. It was a very cool room. But Fredania didn't like water. He was scared and began to cry. But Melvin made him stay anyway because it would bring out his inner Guillaium. They left Fredania sobbing in his room and moved on to get rid of Velvetta. Velvetta took one look inside his room and immediatly turned into a quavering mass of ooze on the floor. There was was HEAVEN FORBID!! BATH WATER!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! AND BUBBLES!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the mood music. It was so so icky and mellow. It was Kenny G!!!!!???!?!?!?!! Velvetta, the Quavering Mass of Ooze put up a good fight. But when it was all over, the Beer God had shoved him in the bathtub fully clothed and locked him in. Melvin lead the now quite afraid Bob to his room as the wails of Velvetta faded in the distance.
As soon as he saw the outside of the hut, Bob knew he was in for it. It was all pink and art deco-y. Melvin said with an air of loftiness "Bob, my friend, this is your room. Watch out for the Sparkly....." and shoved Bob in.
Bob was in a sea of pink and glitter and feathers. He spent all night trying to chase down the Sparkly but never could quite pin it down because of the strobe light. He then ripped down the tulle curtains and started making himself clothes. He draped the tulle dramatically around the bodysuit he'd made from the sheets and made himself a cute little wand out of the silver pipe cleaners that adorned the hotel type towels. And then he found a bucket of glitter Malibu Melvin had forgotten to remove after shellacing it onto ever flat surface in the room. Bob put this glitter in his fuzzy little butt pouch and that is how the rest of The Entourage found him the next morning. Melvin had expected this very result but wasn't quite prepared when Bob ran up to him on tiptoe, banged him on the head with his wand and said "I am the Magic Glitter Faery!! Prepare to be glitterized!!" And with that Bob threw obscene amouts of glitter on Melvin and the rest of the Seventh Deli whose after affects from the night spent in these most traumatizing of huts was quiet apparent. SPAM had gone wacko and was in a leopard skin loincloth and eating some random roots he'd dug up on the way here. Fredania was in swimming trunks and carring around a trident, proclaiming that he was Amonkazooy, King of the Ocean, Ruler of the Seven Seas, etc, etc, etc. And Velvetta was very mellow and spacy after his night of bubble baths and Kenny G. Melvin found this all very interesting as he was the only one who was still normal. As normal as a man who runs around in a toga and owns a Beer Commune/Nudist Colony (but that's another story) in Lower Shangri-La can be that is.
Anyway. Melvin and the Entourage resumed their tour of the Beer Commune. They saw the kitchen (AHH!!! A GBS KITCHEN PARTY!!) and the library. The library was huge. It was three stories tall and covered an area the size of a city block. Malibu Melvin the Beer God liked to have lots of books and reference materials on hand it would seem. Moving on down one of the roads in the Commune, Guinness Avenue, the Entourage saw the Beer Commune Grocery Store, Barber Shop, and Gift Shop. (Open 5pm-9pm, Sat. and Sun. only) They stopped off in the Gift Shop of course to buy some gifts (whatelse?) for their friends(human and otherwise) and family at home. Velvetta, ever the dutiful child, bought his mom the Offical Crystal Beer Commune Salt and Peeper Shakers and the matching keepsake Beer Commune Silver Set. While Velvetta was making those very important purchases, Bob set out to find the perfect gift to apease Lady MacWeenie. He had deeply offended MacWeenie's delicate sensibilties the other day when he pushed her into the pool and though some sort of peace offering was in order. Bob knew he would be forgiven by MacWeenie when he spotted the Offical Beer Commune Opal and Emerald Water Bowl. He shelled out the $93.43 for it, had it gift wrapped and sent by llama express to Lady MacWeenie's residence in the Bobologist Commune and Santuary in the Wilds of that Most Mystical of States (yeah, right..) Oklahoma. (on a side note, after recieving the water bowl, Lady MacWeenie promptly forgave Bob and all once once again well at the BC and S) Meanwhile, Fredania had been trying to get the fish in the fountain right out side the gift shop to follow his orders, as he was the King of The Ocean. The fish however, were stubborn freshwater catfish that just swum lazily at the bottom of the fountain which made Fredania very angry. He informed the fish once again that he "was the Ruler of the Seven Seas and terrible fish plague would come upon them if they did not obey his most highest of orders and jump through the hoop!!" The fish just continued their lazy swim so the Entourages gift shop visit was cut short as Melvin had to stop his tantrum with some quick hypnotic suggestions. The Entourage continued down the street, passing many residential homes and the occasional business (Twig:Tinwhistle Goddess for example. And the Law Firm of Obi-Wan and Wookiee Child, INC.) and just hangin around until they noticed that someone was gone? But who? The toga man who'd brought them here was still present. Glitter boy was accounted for. The Mellow Velvetta was here and so was the Fish King. That left SPAM. SPAM HAD RUN AMUCK!!! NOO!!!! The four quickly set out on a search for the monkey boy. They searched high and low and left and right and left no stone unturned. And then it hit them. DUH! They needed to search the most obvious places first!! Namely, the Beer Commune Zoo!! They ran (as fast a fish king can run..) to the Zoo. They entered (without paying naturally. Malibu Melvin did own the place...) and went to the ape house to continue their search. Their efforts did not go unrewarded, because as soon as they entered the ape house, they say SPAM, up on a tree stump, speaking to all the other apes in a series of grunts and gurgles. As luck would have it, Velvetta spoke ape so he translated: "Brothers. Sisters. Friends. Family. I have gathered you here today to tell you of a great crisis. The Beer Shortage in Northern Macedonian, homeland of our Fish Brother, Fredania" at this the assembled primates let out a great screech almost of saddness. Velvetta continued his translation: "What will we do to help out our Fish Brothers and Sisters? We can not stand idly by while this travesty continues!! We can not and will not!! Now!! To the Ape Cave!! We have much work to do!!" and with that, the stump fell away from underneath SPAM and he went down followed by the other apes. The Entourage was stunned. They looked to Fredania the Fish King (Fiddles too!) but he had none. Quickly he ran to a nearby pay phone and called up his mum and da who were the good ole Queenie and Kingie of Northern Macedonia. Fredania explained the situation and then nodded, said "I see." and hung up. He turned to what was left of the Entourage, after they lost Ape Boy to his comrades, and said "It's true. It's all true. There is a beer shortage in my homeland. That place, far across the seas. It is a land of many monkeys. I must go there now and save the day. SPAM will take care of things from this end." And with that, Fredania waved his magic trident around his head 4.28 times sang "Home Home on the Range." and vanished. The remaining three members of the entourage waited until the smoke cleared and then wandered out of the Zoo.
