Anyway, today Melvin was taking the remaining members of the Entourage (SPAM was still off running amuck with the monkey and Fredania was taking care of matters back home in Macedonian) on a tour of the House of MacWeenie. Following is a copy of what the tour guide said. The only reason we have this is because the Mellow Velvetta had taken up the habit of writing everything down that everyone said. (hmm....possible career fallback...)
HELLO MY GOOD FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOORS. I AM MACWEENIE, KEEPER OF THE NIGHTENGALE AND WATCHER OF A HUMAN NAMED LIDS WHO IS QUITE MISHCHIVIOUS AND NEVER SLEEPS. THEREFORE I NEVER SLEEP, SO I AM A GROUCHY MACWEENIE. SO THERE!!! ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS BEFORE THE TOUR PROCEEDS? GOOD!! THEN FOLLOW ME!! RIGHT THIS WAY!! WATCH YOUR STEP AND LOOK OUT FOR THE GI RATS THAT ROAM THESE HALLS. DO NOT FEAR THE DRAGON, FOR IT WILL ONLY DEVOUR YOU IF YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND TASTE LIKE CHICKEN. BUT IF YOU ARE CRUNCHY THEN RUN!! ON YOUR LEFT YOU WILL SEE A STUFFED GLITTER FAERY. THIS RARE CREATURE CAN BE FOUND ONLY IN THE CORN FIELDS OF THE BEER COMMUNE IN LOWER SHANGRI-LA. THIS GLITTER FAERY WAS TRAPPED IN THE WILDS OF TAR-JAY, WHERE IT HAD BEEN TRANSPLANTED BY A BRAVE YOUNG LAD, A SYNCRONIZED SWIMMER BY THE NAME OF FREDANIA. THE LAD WAS FROM NORTHERN MACEDONIAN. HE WAS A PRINCE. REALLY. HIS MOTHER WAS THE QUEEN AND HIS FATHER WAS THE KING? DON'T BELIEVE ME? ASK YOUR SPANISH HISTORY TEACHER ABOUT THE KILTIE RISING OF 1976 IN NORTHERN MACEDONIAN. THAT'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. MORE THAN YOU WANTED TO KNOW, I'M SURE. PLEASE WATCH YOUR HEAD ON THE WAY. THE GUILLITIONE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FUNCTIONING ANYMORE BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. ON YOUR LEFT IS A PHOTO OF SAID GLITTER FAERY WEARING PANTS MADE OF THE HIDE OF THE ELUSIVE AND MYSTERIOUS NAUGA. YOU SEE BEFORE THAT LAD BECAME A GLITTER FAERY, HE WAS A BRAVE MUSICAL WARRIOR. KIND OF LIKE THE SOLIDERS IN MULAN. STEP LIVELY NOW. WE HAVE A LOT TO SEE AND BUT A WEE BIT OF TIME TO SEE IT IN. THIS WAY. THIS WAY. ALL RIGHT. STRAIGHT AHEAD IS THE GLASS ROOM. IT'S ENTIRELY MADE OF GLASS. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM THROWING STONES OR CHANGING UNDERWEAR WHILE IN THE GLASS ROOM. IT IS GLASS YOU KNOW. OKAY. NOW FOR THE BEST AND FINAL PART OF THE TOUR. A TRIP THRU THE MACWEENIE WHINERY. THIS IS WHERE ALL WHINES AND GROANS ARE PRODUCED. SOMETIMES WE MAKE A MISTAKE AND SHIP THE OCCASIONAL WHIMPHER BUT IF YOU LET US KNOW OF THE MISTAKE WITHIN 30 WORKING DAYS OR THE TIME SAID NOISE IS USED, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST, WE WILL REFUND YOUR MONEY AND FIX THE PROBLEM TO THE BEST OF OUR QUITE MEDIOCRE ABLITIES. GOT IT? GOOD. CALL 1-800-WEENIE TO ORDER. (MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER PLEASE. THANK YOU.) NOW IF YOU'LL STEP TO YOUR LEFT AS TO AVOID THE FALLING ANVILS, WE WILL WRAP UP THE TOUR WITH A SHORT RECITATION BY LADY MACWEENIE HERSELF. AHEM. "I AM MACWEENIE THE LAST. SO SAD BUT SO TRUE. THE REST ALL DIED IN A VICIOUS BLAST. THE END"
And then the tour was over.
MORE Sharks. It's like the never ending story. Only without the furry dragon..
