Where There is Love –
I John 4:21 Alan Hill, March 21, 2004
7 Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.
14 And we have seen and do testify that the Father has sent his Son as the Savior of the world. 15 God abides in those who confess that Jesus is the Son of God, and they abide in God. 16 So we have known and believe the love that God has for us.
God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.
17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Those who say, "I love God," and hate others, are liars; for those who do not love other people whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. 21 The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love others also.
No, this message is not left over from Valentine's Day!
This message is always relevant since as Paul tells us, love is the greatest of the Christian virtues.
In I Corinthians 13, Paul writes,
1 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
13 But now abides faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
So, love is greater than faith or hope. It is God made manifest. But what is it?
We say, "I love my aunt," "I love pizza," "I love skiing," "I love my wife." And so on….
Surely, not all these "loves" can be the same. And they aren't. We are betrayed by the English language. The Greeks knew better. They had various words for different kinds of love.
Three are particularly important to us:
There is EROS. That is the kind of love we might call being "in love." It can be delightful. But it's rather possessive and sometimes not a whole lot of fun since it can lead to anxiety that one might lose the object of one's desires. And it depends on the quality of the loved one. It tends to be self-limiting. We can "fall out" of this kind of love.
Most of us have been "in love" at one time or another. The Song of Songs in the Bible describes and illustrates this kind of love. It's natural. It's one kind of love. It's not a bad thing. Indeed, it can be wonderful, but it isn't the highest form of love.
There is also philos. We find this root word in the name of the city, Philadelphia. The city of brotherly love. Philos is what we might call "liking" another person. It's usually based on having common interests and compatible personalities.
Finally, there is agape. Agape is the kind of love that is self-sacrificing. It doesn't depend on the loved one's merit or beauty or having common interests. It is unqualified love. It is the way God loves us. It is the way we'd like to be loved. But it's very hard for us to love others that way.
While the Bible recognizes all these kinds of love and does not condemn eros or philos, it is agape that is clearly seen as the highest form of love.
It is agape that Jesus illustrates in this familiar story from Luke the 15th chapter as recounted in The Message:
11 …. "There was once a man who had two sons. 12 The younger said to his father, 'Father, I want right now what's coming to me.' 13 It wasn't long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. 14 After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt.
15 He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. 16 He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any. 17 "That brought him to his senses. He said, 'All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. 18 I'm going back to my father. I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; 19 I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.'
20 He got right up and went home to his father. When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 The son started his speech: 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'
22 "But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! 24 My son is here - given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!' And they began to have a wonderful time.
25 "All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. 26 Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. 27 He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast - barbecued beef! - because he has him home safe and sound.' 28 "The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen.
29 The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? 30 Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on prostitutes shows up and you go all out with a feast!'
31 "His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours - 32 but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'"
The prodigal son did not earn his father's love. He did not merit it. The father's love was unqualified, unconditional.
Jesus clearly means us to identify this father's love with God's love for us, but more, He sees this as a model for how we should love one another.
But wasn't the father a patsy? What about tough love? Shouldn't the son have suffered the consequences of his actions? Didn't the older son have a good point?
These are troubling questions. Sometimes the loving thing to do is to let someone – a son, a friend – suffer the consequences so they can learn from their mistakes.
But I don't think that's the point of this story. The point here is show us what agape love is like.
I understand the father's joy in seeing his lost son again.
When my parents were alive, I'd often call them long distance. At that time, long distance could be expensive. I always counted the minutes and kept the calls short. Now, they're both gone. How much would I pay now to speak to them for just a few minutes? I'd pay anything, wouldn't I?
That was how this father felt. His son was "dead," but now he was restored to him. There was nothing more valuable than that.
Agape doesn't require the loved one to do this or do that. To be this or be that. It loves already and without qualifications.
Have you ever loved someone so much that it really doesn't matter if they return that love? Have you ever loved so much that it really doesn't matter if the other person is good to you or mean to you or ignores you? You still love that person? I have – not often – but I have.
What I have realized when I have loved like that is that such love is never lost. Never wasted. Such love is healing to the one who loves every bit as much as it is to the one who is loved. Maybe more.
This kind of love – agape – doesn't want anything in return. It just is. Would we be pleased if our love were reciprocated? Of course. And so would God. He'd like us to love him in return for his love, but His love doesn’t depend on our loving Him. It's freely given without conditions.
Let's look at the Scripture again: I John 4:
10 In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us….
Can we be literal about this? Fundamentalists say we should take the Bible literally. All right.
If this is literally true, then it means first God loved us – before we even had a chance to do anything or to love Him. We didn’t earn it. We can't earn it. It just is.
Then it tells us plainly that God is love and if we love one another, God lives in us.
Whoa! This is pretty strong stuff, isn't it? If we love, God lives in us!
But let's imagine for a moment that the Word of God means exactly what it says. It means that the way we respond to God's love for us is to love others. And if we do, IF WE CAN, then God is living within us.
Pastor Stratton has had the theme from the beginning of his ministry here that we are to be Christ's presence in this community, and in the world. I have come to take that literally as well. When we love one another, there is Christ. When we love, God dwells within us.
When we hate, or when we are indifferent, God is not within us.
In other words, our love brings about God's presence. I'm just taking the Scripture literally when it says,
God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.
A confession of faith that was used at First Baptist Church in my home town (Greenville, SC) put it this way: All who love are of God, for where there is love, there is God.
I have come to believe that love, if it is agape, is always good, always Godly. The other kinds of love, eros and philos, may also lead us to God but only if they are combined with agape. The reason is that eros and philos are far too self-centered to be fully God-like.
Eros wants to possess the love one. Philos depends on liking him or her. As a friend of mine said, "I could never love a person I didn't like."
Well, liking is a good basis for friendship and even marriage. It's certainly not a bad idea.
But to require that the loved one always be likable would doom us all to being unloved, wouldn't it? For none of us is always likable. God knows. Yes, God knows.
And if being loved depended on our merit, then we would always fear losing it. We'd always be trying harder and harder to earn love. And it might never be enough.
Again, look at the Scripture: I John 4:
18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.
For fear has to do with punishment!
You don’t give me what I require, I'll punish you by not loving you anymore. That kind of conditional love only engenders fear and anxiety. What good is it ultimately for either the loved one or the one who loves?
The loved one will fear losing love. The one who loves will fear disappointment.
Both will be fearful. Anxiety, fear and frustration can lead to resentment and hatred. Such "love" can be a kind of prison made up of fear and longing. It can be obsessive. Its fruits are often very bad – jealousy, violence, emotional – even physical – abuse.
We are told that cases of stalking have increased in recent years, and that in most cases, the stalker is a disappointed "lover." But that's not love – that's hate.
If we are to judge by the fruits, and we are, the fruits of selfish, conditional love are too often rotten.
But unconditional love is liberating. It removes anxiety on both sides since it requires nothing. It demands nothing.
The father of the prodigal son did not say, "First, you must pay." "You must be punished." "You must mend all your sinful ways."
No, the father just loved his son. The father expressed what he felt. He did not have to worry what the son's reaction might be.
Jesus tells us even to love those who hate us and use us. Because it is good for those people? Well, it might be. But that's not why we are so commanded. We are told to love because it brings God into our hearts and that benefits us. It heals our fear and pain. It frees us from anxiety and fear.
Whatever the others do, I shall love them.
What a relief! No more possessiveness, jealousy or fear. No more demanding. Yes, the fruits of agape love are good. And liberating….
But is it always easy to love this way? Of course not.
When Jesus asks Peter, in John 21:15, Do you love Me more than these ?" He uses the word, agape.
Peter, however, responds with the word, philos.
In other words, when Jesus asks to you love me unconditionally, Peter says, Well, you know I like you a lot. So, Jesus asks it again, again using agape.
Again, Peter will not commit to that kind of love, still using philos.
Finally, Jesus says, (one can almost hear the sigh), Well even if you just like me, then tend my sheep.
In English this passage is mysterious. But realizing looking at the Greek what Jesus is really asking, we can understand.
Loving as God loves us – unconditionally – is always hard.
We are often tempted to qualify their commitments:
If my church and my pastor will do as I want, I'll love them.
If my son is a good boy, well, then o.k., I'll love him.
If my students will be what I want them to be, I'll care about them.
If my loved one will give me what I want - tell me she loves me as much as I love her - then I'll be happy.
But Jesus calls us to free ourselves from this conditional love. He asks us to love freely and with no regard to reward or even reciprocation. As He has loved us….
What was manifested on the cross was perfect unconditional love. "You can torture Me and you can kill Me," Jesus seems to say, "but you can't make Me stop loving you." That is the triumph of God's love.
If we, too, can love unconditionally, the Scriptures promise that God will be present in us. In our love.
Where there is such love, there is transcendence of fear and pain. Where there is such love, there is God.
When we love like that – and through God's grace we can – we walk with God.
I'd suggest beginning with those closest to you – your family, your loved ones. Have agape for them and claim God's promise to free us from fear and pain. You'll see the difference it makes.
May we pray: God give us the grace to love others as you have loved us – without conditions. God free us from demands and fear. God help us to realize that You are love and that all who love are your children.
Amen.
Will you claim this liberation from fear? Will you stop demanding and start loving? Will you ask God to help you do that? Will you accept God's unconditional love for you?
