I sit at the long library table. Starring at the picture. The green blue eyes that capture my heart stare back at my blankly. Kodak can't capture the way his eyes used to light up every time he would see me. It can't hold the way he would smile just for me. it can't make him come back, but somehow its all I have. How did it come to this? This is all I have left? I wish more then anything I could become him. Become Oz. Even if it was just a moment, I could make him realize that he shouldn't have left. Make him realize how much I miss him and how much its killing me to be away from him. I feel the tears well up. I hadn't meant to cry, I hadn't meant to miss him again. It hurt so much to think about him. Hurt to feel these emotions that wouldn't go away, why wouldn't they just go away? Tears stream down my cheeks now, I can feel their salty heat against my skin. Someone's asking if I'm all right, I smile sadly and make up a story about a book I'm reading that made me cry. They don't have a clue what despair is, what it is that I'm feeling must be worse anything in the world. Worse then any torture that man has made up. I know he's coming back for me though. I can feel it in my soul, its like we're connected. I don't care what Buffy or Giles or even Xander say, he's coming back because he would never leave me. The despair I'm feeling he has to be feeling too, doesn't he? I pick up my books and shove the picture back into my book where it had fallen out. Quickly I move out of the huge room of books and make my way home, where hopefully Buffy would be out on patrol. I hated crying in front of her anymore I'm so sick of crying and missing and hurting. I want it to go away. More then that. I want Oz back, I want to be close to him again. He will be back and when he does come back I don't know if I'm going to kiss him or slap him for putting me through this. Probably kiss. This builds character. Yeah keep telling yourself that. He'll be back for me 'cause he *has* to be feeling what I'm feeling. Even if its just a tiny percent, he'll be back, and I'll be waiting for him.
The End
We Make Our Own Fun