Saying goodbye to anyone is
hard,just knowing they are out of pain and in peace should bring comfort.Sometimes though
we are faced with more than one death to deal with and come to terms with,this is just
such a time in my personal life and those of my family members.
How do you say goodbye to a Mother
who gave everything to you as a child and sacrificed so much? How do you mourn her when
you are faced with another death so soon afterwards? Memories help to soften the blow,but
nothing can replace the warmth of loving arms to comfort you in despair.
I was lucky enough to see my Grandpa
before he passed away and to feel his arms around me,comforting me after I had removed all
of my Mother's personal belongings from her home. In tears I came to his bedside to say
goodbye and in tears I spoke,"I cleaned Mom's things out today Grandpa,I miss her so
much it hurts." With those words uttered he reached up with his arms and embraced me
in his own weak body.He touched my hair and said,"I know chicky I miss her too."
What he didn't realize was that I was crying for him as well.I knew in my heart that he
would soon be following my Mother to be in God's loving arms.Sitting up from him I looked
into his eyes and held his face in my hands and with this words I made known to him how
important he was in my life,and always will be,"Thank you Grandpa for being a Father
to me when I was little,when my own Father didn't want me.Thank you for carrying me all
the way home in your arms when I fell off the sidewalk.I love you with all my heart."
What was his reply?
"Your welcome,and I love you with all my heart too."
Grandpa had meant more to me than
any man in my life growing up.He had been my hero,my protector,he spoilt me like a Grandpa
and taught me true love for a child from a man's point of view.He would spend time walking
with me,taking me to ice cream parlors,playing board games with me as well as cards.In all
my life no greater gift have I been given then the love of both my Mother and my
Grandpa.His smile and gentle compassion will forever live in my memory and heart.His
laughter and the smell of him coming home from work will always linger in my mind all the
days of my life.
As the grandchildren that had come
first and knew him longest he will always be what a true Grandparent should aspire to
be.Grandpa thank you for being the greatest man a grandchild could have had.Thank you for
the time you took with each of us and most of all thank you for your never-ending patience
with us when we were young.You will always remain in each of our hearts and will live on
by the stories we tell our children about you.
Rest in God's loving arms,till we
see each other once again.
All my love Grandpa,forever and a
day:
Tracy,Grandpa's Chicky always.
Jan 24/01
Today was the funeral for my Grandpa,it took place at 2pm.
Lack of money kept me from the funeral but not from having my own private
service for those I had lost.
I had decided I would leave for a walk at 1pm,thinking this way I would have
time with my Mom and Grandpa alone.In my mind they would be at Grandpa's
funeral at 2 watching over those who mourned Grandpa's passing.
Gathering up my little dog "Gizzy" I got into my car and drove to the store
for Kleenex,coffee and smokes.
The bird sanctuary lake is where I drove to,2 miles from my home.Tears
started rolling down my eyes before I had even parked the car,but that was
ok no one was there,just Giz and me out for a walk,I could cry as much as I
needed and not feel like I had to explain myself to passers by.
As I walked along with Giz following behind me,I felt strange as if this was
the final mourning I would have before the healing would start.I found a
bench,opened my coffee and took a sip,then begin talking to my Mom and
Grandpa.Words and tears flowing I told them how much I loved them,said sorry
for things I hadn't done and perhaps not so proud moments in my life they
may have felt.I thanked them both for being wonderful examples to me.As I
drank the coffee I remembered those mornings with Mom when I would visit her
and the coffee's we had,just her and I.The long walks I would take with
Grandpa just us two,and the times we would go to Smitty's pancake
house,Granny,Grandpa and I.Then I asked for a sign they were with me.I
recalled Auntie Betty telling me about how they called Mom "Birdie" and with
that thought asked Mom to show me a bird flying over me.After sometime I
gave up on that thought thinking it was too darned cold for that sort of
thing,and then something wonderful happened.
As I stood up to leave and go home,I was walking down a path,my hands in my
pockets and Giz in a rush to get to the car.I felt as though both Mom and
Grandpa were walking with me,their arms in mine.I was almost at the car and
the feeling had left me and at that moment I heard a bird.I looked up into
the sky and 2 birds flew over me.At that moment I finally felt I had not
lost Mom and Grandpa forever and had received my sign they are with me.These
two birds followed me all the way home,and then left me.I live 2 miles from
the bird sanctuary,and these 2 birds followed me all the way home.No other
birds were in the sky,only these two.
My walk was the start of my healing,a long road yet but its a start and I
don't feel so alone anymore.Mom ,Grandpa and Granny are with me in Spirit
and I thank God for letting them show me they are still with me.
Tracy
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