Bottorff : Judy Bottorff passed away
peacefully on Wednesday,September 13,2000 with her
loving husband Daryl at her side,after a courageous
battle with cancer. She was 53.Judy was born in Rabbit
Lake,Saskatchewan on June 21,1947.

God saw you getting tired
When a cure was not to be
So he openeed up his loving arms
and Whispered "Come to Me"
He took away the air you breathe
And gave you what was best
A place to be at peace
A place to rest.
God's Garden must be beautiful
For He only takes the best.

She is lovingly remembered by her father Walter; her
daughter Tracy(Jeff) and their children,Christopher and
Jeremiah;her son Jason(Shannon)and their son Joshua;
her stepsons,Darryn(Stacey)and their children,Braydon
and Cameron; Kevin(Midori);Kelly(Joanna);her brother
Dennis(Eileen)and their children,Brian,Trevor,Denise
and Cherie(Brent);her brother Brian;and her sister Betty
(Larry)and their daughter Michelle;her mother-in-law
Freda;along with numerous nieces,nephews and many
friends.Judy was predeceased by her mother Ethel,as
well as her nephews,James and Michael,her father-in-law
Allen and her brother-in-law Dave. We would like to thank
the nursing staff at Unit 47 of the Rockyview Hospital
for their care and tenderness as well as Dr.Barr.

To e-mail expressions of sympathy; condolences@mcinnisandholloway.com
subject heading:Judy Bottorff.

Treasure Your Mother
Mother walks on streets of gold, hand in hand with the Lord
She sings with choirs of angels and plays the harpsichord
Her face a radiant glow that would blind the naked eye
She's so wonderfully happy in her eternal home on high.

The years we had together can never be taken away
For they are as much a part of me as sunshine is today.
Walk hand in hand with your Mom while God blesses you with this
And always greet her with a hug and a gentle, loving kiss.

For these precious fleeting moments are treasures you can store
To recall at will with pleasure when that day is no more
Yes, a tear is in my eye as these memories I recall
But I count each tear a blessing as down my cheek they fall.

While we walked this earth together, she was gentle, sweet and kind
And I know that I am special, if only in her mind.
She laughed and sang, enjoying life, and worked hard all day long
And now she laughs, enjoying life, and shares with Christ her song.

Janice Willis

Last Words

How do you sum up a person's last two days on this earth with you? and how do you make sense of mixed emotions,jumbled thought patterns and intense high and low moments? In other words,how do you relay everything about a person's last dying days to others and have it said with clarity and truth. For most its next to impossible,myself included.So rather than place these last moments with my Mom in order of events,I'll just use this time as "free flow" and put hand to paper as I remember things,or feel the urge to share insight about them. 

First and foremost my Mother was not just a "Woman,Wife,Mother,Daughter,Sister or Aunt" she was always a LADY right up until her passing. To define what a Lady is as opposed to being merely a woman is simple,when you had lived with the perfect example. A Lady carries herself with grace and style at all times. She constantly thinks of other's well being over her own,even faced with her own death. During great pain and medication her thoughts are always of others....This was my Mom. Through her weak attempt to cough in her last hours her thoughts were of others in the room.Mom would begin to cough and with a weakened strength but massive will,lifted her hand to attempt to cover her mouth. As weak as she was and as much morphine as she had been given,nothing stopped her from being not only polite but having dignity.She constantly attempted to ensure her gown was covering her.Weak hands and failing health would not take her dignity away from her. 

My time spent with Mom in her last days were limited to hours within 2 days.During that time Mom had grown very weak so conversation was limited but eye contact and the small word,"Yah" became invaluable to me. When I arrived at the hospital family from the coast of B.C had already arrived in Calgary the night before.Dad picked me up from the bus and we drove straight to the hospital.Once there we walked through the halls and made our way to mom's room...Dad went ahead of me. As we entered Mom's room we were greeted by open arms and tear filled eyes of my Grandpa,Uncles and Aunts. In my mind I felt I had to stay strong for them,no tears,after all I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side of the curtain. I had been warned and prepared beforehand by close family members,but you never really believe it till you see it for yourself. 

I have to admit other than looking very pale and weak Mom looked like she had only a month before,which was the last time I had seen her. 

It was HARD but in an odd way.Not once did I feel like crying that first visit,which was only maybe an hour.Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that last Oct Mom and I had a talk and she made me promise to stay strong for the family members in case something went wrong.So I guess that promise is what I held onto.I could see she was in pain but she was hot.So I asked her if she wanted a fresh cool cloth,she said,"Yah" in a weak voice. After a few moments Mom would fall asleep and we left.  

Its funny how an ill family member can often effect the family dynamics.Those you felt were the strongest members turn out to be the most effected,outwardly emotional.Those who have always been weak manage to gather strength to support others who need them.Perhaps all things happen for a reason,no matter how unbelievable the circumstances are or were. Families seem to either pull together or pull away.For us we all came closer,perhaps more than we ever have. Which in turn showed just how much one woman could impact so many lives...for the good.  

Being the only daughter in the family the bond between us was unique,perhaps more so due to our history.During Mom's last two days I watched as my mother's eyes soaked in as much as she could about the image of those speaking to her. Up until 4hrs before her death she struggled to stay awake so either myself or my cousin could speak to her. It was so comforting to have my cousin Cherie with me there. During times of weakness on either of our parts one of us would be strong enough to pull the other aside to be comforted. 

More so than anything in those last hours small things became important. On Tuesday the day before her death I had mentioned to Cherie in the morning as well as before that I felt Mom needed to have Granny's afghan with her.That Tuesday as I was talking to a nurse Cherie asked Mom if she would like the afghan,she replied,"Yah" with a smile.So when I finished talking to the nurse Cherie told me about the conversation she had with Mom and I got on the phone right away to call Dad.He told me either my brother Jason or himself would bring it to her. After the phone call I went back in to be with Mom and tell her Dad would bring the afghan to her. 

Around my neck I wear a necklace that my Mom had given me that Granny had worn.She had told me when she gave it to me that the necklace had always given Granny luck.Mom reached up to hold the necklace,I asked her if she would like it,she replied,"Yah" so I fiddled with it and then placed it in her hand.She looked at it and then even though she was weak adjusted it like it was a rosary.Then just like a wind she was asleep once again. 

Cherie and I had always left the room when she fell asleep so she could rest.It was hard to catch her when she was awake,but we did our best to not wear her out,right now she needed her strength and for me it was important she be able to be with Dad as much as she could.When Dad would show up we would leave the room so they could be together. 

When Dad showed up after lunch Cherie and I were with Mom.Dad had brought the afghan I said to Mom,"Look Dad brought Granny's afghan!"her eyes lit up and you could tell she felt Dad had done good. 

The afghan coupled with the necklace represented those that had gone before her.Granny had made the afghan and passed it on to Mom.The necklace had Granny's floating heart on it as well as Great Granny's wedding ring melted down.Mom I think felt she was surrounded by love not just here on earth but in heaven as well. 

What was so very sad about this day was it was Dad's birthday.Saying happy birthday to him seemed so ill timed,but before leaving I did give him a hug and kiss and managed to say these words,but it just didn't feel like my heart was in it,nor his that day. 

After leaving the hospital we went to pick up Cherie's two girls from school and headed over to Cherie's Dad's home. Uncle Dennis's house is where the family members from the coast had been staying,and now would be the time for us to gather,share stories and support one another. Concerns regarding Grandpa's health were among the topics.As much as all of us were concerned about Mom the conversation regarding her often turned to focus on our ailing eldest family member. How odd when you reflect,both the young and old effected by this in one way or another. At the time we all felt Grandpa's yellow skin color was due to stress and his diabetes....this would prove to not be so. 

Sept 13/2000 

Cherie and I arrived at the hospital once again.As we made our way down the hallway I noticed Mom's door was shut,so Cherie and I waited outside the room. A few moments later the door opened and a doctor stepped out. He introduced himself and we talked for a bit. He told me to talk to Dad about placing Mom in a hospice.Dad and I had not discussed that topic before,but I told him that I would mention it to him the next time we spoke.From what I understood to be placed in a hospice meant the doctor's felt Mom would go on for at least another 6 weeks. 

Cherie and I then went into see Mom,she looked tired and weak like she had the day before....not really any different. But what I did notice were Mom's feet were getting blacker and her legs. I went over and kissed her and took a chair so I could sit and be close to her.Cherie left Mom and I alone for awhile so we could talk...well...mostly me. 

Mom said,"I want to go home" Mom had mentioned this statement to Dad the day before but the conversation was confusing and Dad felt Mom was referring to their home. When Mom made this same statement to me I knew she meant,"Home to the Lord". 

What no one knew at that point was that I had prayed the night before asking the Lord to please take my Mom home and not let her suffer. I wasn't sure if she was saved or not but if she was that her suffering would be over soon,and that when she passed away only Dad and her would be in the room together. What I didn't know was this statement Mom had just made was the beginning of my answer to my prayer. 

When Mom said,"I want to go home" I replied,"Its ok Mom you go home,Dad,Jason and I will be fine.I just don't want to see you in pain anymore" Mom replied,"I seen Granny" knowing now this was the ending of Mom's life I asked her,"Is she waiting for you?" she answered "No" perhaps it wasn't time I thought "You go home Mom,Granny is waiting for you with a big bowl of Borsht". I had to laugh at the face she made,as if it were the most distasteful thing she could have imagined. So I asked her,"Pedihae"(sp?)no reply,"Ok how about a big bowl of perogies?" she replied,"Yah" with a smile. At this point it hit me Mom is going to leave me. I started to cry and she reached over and sort of tapped me and said,"No don't" I sucked in the tears and said,"Ok Mom you have a point I can't keep my promise to you if I break down now" and sort of laughed it off.Mom soon drifted off to sleep. This conversation with Mom would be my last,from this point on Mom's condition worsened almost before our eyes. 

At noon Cherie and I left the room to go grab something to eat,a little fresh air,conversation and reflection perhaps would lift us up for the next couple of hours with Mom. While we were gone Dad had shown up and was visiting Mom. At some point liquids had been discontinued...Mom would not be allowed any more to drink. 

Upon returning to the room both Cherie and I had no idea Mom would not be allowed to drink liquids anymore.When I walked into the room I noticed right off that Mom was wearing a bib.Right then and there I was upset but said nothing at the moment but directed my attention to Dad who was sitting in a chair next to the bed. I asked him if he had tried to get Mom to eat,he replied he had but Mom wasn't hungry.Poor Dad,you could tell he was tired.He had somethings to do and said he would be back around 3.I told him not to worry we wouldn't leave Mom alone.Earlier she had looked worried when Cherie and I had planned to go for a coffee,I reassured her that we were just outside in the courtyard outside her window and we would be back. 

When Dad left the first thing I did was take that darned bib off. As I was taking it off Mom was sleeping again and really had no idea what I was doing,but I said out loud,"No one is going to treat my Mom like a baby,let me take this stupid bib off of you Mom." You know it didn't matter to me if she heard me or not it was the mere fact that bib had been placed on her and I wanted it off,talking out loud made me feel better,like I was giving my Mom her dignity back with just a small gesture. 

After the bib was off I sat down,after all Mom was asleep and really all we could do is watch her.From time to time she would talk,her eyes open mouth open and in her sleep.By that time Mom was sleeping with her eyes open so we never knew if she was awake or not.But she was talking to someone,all of us agreed she was speaking one on one with someone.Words like,"Yah,Ok and Why is this happening" were verbalized loud enough we could make out what she was saying. 

When she woke up for a moment during a coughing spell,Cherie said,"You should give her a drink" remember we had no idea liquids had been denied her.So I walked over and asked Mom,"Do you want a drink Mom?" she replied,"Yah" in a very soft shallow voice.So I gave her a drink,but she started to choke.I asked Cherie to get a nurse and she did as I asked.By the time the nurse got to the room Mom was ok. 

The nurse proceeded to tell me they had stopped giving Mom liquids as of an hour ago,but if I wanted I could give her ice chips.Mom was looking at both of us as we talked,I said,"You said I can't give her a drink because she will choke,how is she supposed to swallow and ice chip then?" the nurse replied,"I don't think she will be asking for more to drink" then waved me away from Mom so she could speak to me. 

"Tracy,your Mom will not make it through the night" she put her arms around me and I sobbed into her shoulder...then gathered strength again to go back in.It was at this point I just couldn't and grabbed Cherie and the two of us found a spot outside alone so I could cry. 

"OMG"I said to her,"I don't understand how this could happen so fast.This morning they were talking hospice now their saying Mom isn't going to make it through the night." Cherie did her best to show me support and after a few moments of sobbing I got myself together to go back into the room. 

A few moments later after going back into see Mom,Cherie's brother Trevor(who let me point out right now was wonderful I couldn't have asked for a more caring male cousin.He took us in and out of town to the hospital and was just gentle in his demeanor)had arrived to take us home.We were about to leave when the nurse came over to me and told me they were going to wash Mom's hair(finally...I had been asking for that most of the day) she also suggested I stay with Mom because she didn't think she would make it through the night,confirming what the other nurse had said.I stood there in a daze not sure what I should do.She suggested I go out for some air and come back while she assisted Mom. 

Outside I thought about staying with Mom.What would Mom want for her finally moments,a room full of people? or just her and Dad.While sitting there I thought back to my prayer...it was clear this was Dad's time with her not mine.My gift to both Mom and Dad was to not be there with them...a final heartfelt gift to Mom. 

I returned to the room and told the nurse that I would be leaving and if Mom passed away my hope would be that Dad would be there with her and no one else.Before I left I walked into the room.There in front of me was my sweet Mother,what would my last words to her be? could I leave like I planned? all these thoughts running through my head,this was important and just how do you say goodbye to someone you love so much,someone you would give up your own life for and know they would do the same in a heartbeat.Just what could I possible say now that would give me peace when she was gone? 

I must have walked over to her a few times,held her hand and tried to say something,finally I cuddled up to her neck and said,"Mommy,I love you and always will...Mommy I love you so much.I tired to keep the promise you asked of me I really tried." I then kissed her cheek and tried to walk away,half turning I took one more look at her with tears streaming down my face....and walked out the door. 

I never said goodbye to my Mother till I was standing by her coffin.I held her cold hand,told her once again that I loved her.With tears trickling down my face I told her,"Thank you for sacrificing so much for me,thank you for not giving me up when I was born.I told her that I will always miss her and love her.With that I kissed her forehead and after 4 tries to leave finally said,"Goodbye Mommy"
My prayer was answered,Dad and Mom were together when she passed on.I will be forever grateful to the Lord for his neverending love and perfect timing. 

May you rest with the Angels Mommy I will Love you Forever and a Day. 

Tracy

Sympathy from Sisters of the Golden Moon #1:
FromSGM