URGENT FAX
*** MEDICAL ALERT ***
From: Surgeon General of the United States
To: All Employers
Date: 06 May 1999
Pages: 01
Subject: Newly Discovered Medical Disorder
1. It has recently been discovered that excessive
rainfall may cause
outbreaks of reckless, carefree whitewater kayaking
in certain individuals.
The most acutely affected, in extreme cases, may even
expose themselves to
three- and four-day excursions on whitewater rivers.
2. Symptoms include, but are not limited to,
heightened sensations of
restlessness, an exaggerated giddiness about the
prospect of rain, praying
for rain, and/or searching the sky for rain clouds
whenever outdoors.
3. Rational, work related thought may become blurred
in these individuals.
Because this is a medical condition beyond their
ability to control, these
individuals cannot be held accountable for any
neglect of household duties,
estrangement of family and/or friends, or missed days
of work that result
after periods of excessive rainfall.
4. It is imperative that these individuals do not
attempt to operate ANY
equipment during these rare but serious outbreaks
other than motor vehicles
and non-motorized, decked water crafts.
5. Should you notice any of these symptoms in one of
your employees, you
must immediately place said employee in a "leave of
absence" status until
such time as all rivers within a 400 mile radius of
your place of employment
recede to normal seasonal levels.
CAUTION: Expect any employee exhibiting any of the
above symptoms to
display signs of extreme frustration and aggravation
toward their employer
if forced to work while area free-flowing whitewater
rivers are at
unseasonably high levels!
Your cooperation in this serious medical emergency
is greatly
appreciated.
Respectfully,
Dr. Iwannago Paddling
Surgeon General
Thanks Kayaker
