*~*COURTNEY READiNG KURT'S SUiCiDE NOTE*~*
(COURTNEY)
"I don't really know what to say, I feel the same way you guys do. If you guys don't think that when I used to sit in this room when he played guitar and sing and feel so honoured to be near him, you're crazy. Anyway, he left a note. It's more like a letter to the fucking editor. I don't know what happened. I mean, it was gonna happen. But it could have happened when he was forty. He always said he was gonna outlive everybody and live to be a hundred and twenty. I'm not gonna read you all the note, because it's none of the rest of your fucking business. But some of it is to you. I don't think it takes away from his dignity to read this, considering that it's addressed to most of you. He's such an asshole. I want you all to say 'asshole' really loud."
(CROWD) "ASSHOLE!"
(COURTNEY READING)"This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the wording's from the Punk Rock 101. Over the years, it's my first introduction to the shall we say ethics involved with independence, and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music, along with really writing something for two years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way it did for Freddie Mercury who seemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd...."
(COURTNEY) "Well Kurt, then so fucking what? Then don't be a rock star you asshole."
(COURTNEY READING)"....which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having 100 percent fun...."
(COURTNEY) "No, Kurt, the worst crime I can think of is for you to just continue being a rock star when you fucking hate it. Just fucking stop."
(COURTNEY READING)"....Sometimes I feel as if I should punch a time clock before I walk out onstage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me , I do. But it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have been affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive..."
(COURTNEY) "Awww."
(COURTNEY READING) "....I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthuasiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music. But I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt, and the empathy I have for everyone.(courtney is almost in tears) There's good in all of us, and I simply think I love people too much...."
(COURTNEY) "So why didn't you just fucking STAY?!"
(COURTNEY READING)"....so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little unappreciative Pisces Jesus man...."
(COURTNEY)"Oh, shut up, bastard. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know. Then he goes on to say personal things to me that are none of your damn business, personal things to Frances that are none of your damn business."
(COURTNEY READING) "....I have it good., very good, and I'm grateful. But since the age of seven, I've become hateful toward all humans in general only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy...."
(COURTNEY) "Empathy???"
(COURTNEY READING) "....only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess. Thankyou all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody person, and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember - "
(COURTNEY) "and DON'T remember this, because this is a fucking lie."
(COURTNEY READING) "....It's better to burn out than to fade away...."
(COURTNEY) "God, you asshole."
(COURTNEY READING) "....Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain."
(COURTNEY) "And then there's some more personal things that are none of your damn business. And just remember, this is all bullshit. But I want you to know one thing. That eighties tough-love bullshit - it doesn't work. It's not real. we should have all let him have the one thing that made him feel better, that made his stomach better, we should have let him have it instead of trying to strip away his skin. You go home and you tell your parents, 'Don't you ever try that tough-love bullshit on me, because it doesn't fucking work.' That's what I think. (Courtney is now completely crying) I'm laying in our bed, and I'm really sorry, and I feel the same way you do. I'm really sorry, you guys. I don't know what I could have done. I wish I'd have been here. I wish I hadn't listened to other people. But I did. Every night I've been sleeping with his mother, and I wake up in the morning and I think it's him because their bodies are sort of the same. I have to go now. Just tell him he's a fucker, okay? Just say, 'Fucker, you're a fucker.' And that you love him."
you can hear Courtney reading this out on the video 'A Tribute To Kurt Cobain', its really sad hearing her say it....she sound so upset, it makes you want to cry, but I recommend you don't bother, cos the rest of the video is complete trash.
demon buttercup, go....
(CROWD) "ASSHOLE!"
(COURTNEY READING)"This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the wording's from the Punk Rock 101. Over the years, it's my first introduction to the shall we say ethics involved with independence, and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music, along with really writing something for two years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way it did for Freddie Mercury who seemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd...."
(COURTNEY) "Well Kurt, then so fucking what? Then don't be a rock star you asshole."
(COURTNEY READING)"....Sometimes I feel as if I should punch a time clock before I walk out onstage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me , I do. But it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have been affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive..."
(COURTNEY) "Awww."
(COURTNEY READING) "....I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthuasiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music. But I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt, and the empathy I have for everyone.(courtney is almost in tears) There's good in all of us, and I simply think I love people too much...."
(COURTNEY) "So why didn't you just fucking STAY?!"
(COURTNEY READING)"....so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little unappreciative Pisces Jesus man...."
(COURTNEY)"Oh, shut up, bastard. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know. Then he goes on to say personal things to me that are none of your damn business, personal things to Frances that are none of your damn business."
(COURTNEY READING) "....I have it good., very good, and I'm grateful. But since the age of seven, I've become hateful toward all humans in general only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy...."
(COURTNEY) "Empathy???"
(COURTNEY READING) "....only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess. Thankyou all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody person, and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember - "
(COURTNEY) "and DON'T remember this, because this is a fucking lie."
(COURTNEY READING) "....It's better to burn out than to fade away...."
(COURTNEY) "God, you asshole."
(COURTNEY READING) "....Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain."
(COURTNEY) "And then there's some more personal things that are none of your damn business. And just remember, this is all bullshit. But I want you to know one thing. That eighties tough-love bullshit - it doesn't work. It's not real. we should have all let him have the one thing that made him feel better, that made his stomach better, we should have let him have it instead of trying to strip away his skin. You go home and you tell your parents, 'Don't you ever try that tough-love bullshit on me, because it doesn't fucking work.' That's what I think. (Courtney is now completely crying) I'm laying in our bed, and I'm really sorry, and I feel the same way you do. I'm really sorry, you guys. I don't know what I could have done. I wish I'd have been here. I wish I hadn't listened to other people. But I did. Every night I've been sleeping with his mother, and I wake up in the morning and I think it's him because their bodies are sort of the same. I have to go now. Just tell him he's a fucker, okay? Just say, 'Fucker, you're a fucker.' And that you love him."
you can hear Courtney reading this out on the video 'A Tribute To Kurt Cobain', its really sad hearing her say it....she sound so upset, it makes you want to cry, but I recommend you don't bother, cos the rest of the video is complete trash.
demon buttercup, go....