This is my first serious Cardcaptors fanfic, so I'm not exactly sure how I did. Well, just
read it and judge please, kk? Um, it does get kind of depressing (just a little!) in some
areas. The fic goes with and is named after the song 'Affirmation' by Savage Garden
(they're the best). Well, just enjoy, ok? Thanks!

AFFIRMATION

Hey
More than angry words I hate the silence
It's getting so loud
Well, I want to scream
But bitterness has silenced these emotions
It's getting hard to breathe

~Savage Garden- Hold Me

******Flashback******

~Normal POV~

"So what is there to do?" Meiling complained, throwing her arms up in the air. "I'm so
bored, we've already done everything there is to do around here."

Madison rolled her eyes, supressing the urge to yawn. "Meiling, that's your attitude on
everything. You know, we could go to the park, the fair, the zoo..."

Meiling didn't say anything for a while. Madison glanced back over her shoulder at 2 more
of her closest friends. Meiling's complaining hadn't been the only ongoing thing that
afternoon.

The voice of her best friend floated forward to her, as she said something to Li Syaoran,
her other good friend. Madison listened worriedly to the "conversation", if that's what it
could be called. Their voices were rising, each had an edge to it.

Meiling could hear them too, even though they were a few feet farther down the sidewalk
then she was. "What are they doing?" she asked Madison.

Madison looked at her. "I don't know what they're talking about, but I get the feeling it's
about to get dangerous. Maybe we should-"
Before she could even finish her sentence, things really broke loose.

Furious, Sakura pushed Li, hard. He pushed her back. None of the other 2 were sure who'd
started it, or who started to hit who first.
"Stop it you 2, what's going on?" cried Madison, running over and pulling Sakura off of Li.
Meiling ran over to Li and tried to pull him away. "Li, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Li gave Sakura a final push, sending the Clow Mistress stumbling back. "God Sakura,
sometimes I just really hate you! I don't see how anybody can stand you!" he shouted.
Sakura regained her balance and glared at him, and if looks could kill....

"Well, I hope you don't think the feeling isn't mutual," she screamed back. "Believe me, it
is. I don't know how I was ever able to stand you! I hate you too!"

Then there was a heavy silence. Madison released Sakura, as Meiling did the same to Li,
both stepping back in shock, waiting to see what would happen next. The anger seemed
to be gone from Li's eyes, although he was still meeting Sakura's flaming expression.

Sakura broke her gaze finally, as she whirled around and ran away.

******Flashback Ends******

~Li's POV~

That had been 5 days ago, almost a week. Now, as I entered the classroom, I could see
Meiling talking to Madison at their desks. Sakura wasn't there yet. Duh. The girl was only
on time to school about once a month.

I walked over and sat down at my own desk, giving a half-hearted wave when the other
2 girls greeted me. Staring out the window boredly, I waited for class to start. About 4
more minutes.

I found myself feeling somewhat relieved that Sakura wasn't here at the moment. Ever
since that day, we hadn't spoken a word to each other. The others could practically see
the tension as it continued to pile up and get thicker. I felt like it was choking me.

For the millionth time, the memory of what had happened raced through my mind again.
The words that seemed to have changed everything.

The bell rang, and at that exact moment, Sakura ran through the door, taking off her
school hat. I watched as she came over and sat down, making the same gesture I had
when people said hello to her.

And of course, as she had the past 5 days, she sat down in her seat, without even
turning to me or saying hello, the way she always used to, even if I didn't respond to her.
I pretended not to even notice her presence. Meiling leaned toward me. "Li, are you
okay?" she asked quietly. I nodded.

Madison seemed to be really uncomfortable. She looked so relieved when Rita came over
to us, her backpack jammed full of stuff. "Are you guys ready for the geography field
trip?" she asked.

I simply shrugged, as Sakura, Madison and Meiling nodded. The entire class was going on
a field trip to the Usako region, for something in our geography unit. It was supposed to
be a full day thing, and we were going to be on the bus for a lot of it.

"I wonder who Mr. Terada will pair us up with," Madison wondered. The teacher walked in
and ordered everyone to sit in their desks, as he began to call attendance. Then he
ordered silence.

"As you know, the geography field trip is today. The bus is arriving in 15 minutes, so I
ask that you all sit patiently until that time. I have to go over the rules with you, and
assign you your partners. Number one, nobody is to go off on their own, without telling
anyone or taking your partner with you. You may sit with whoever you want, but when
we are on the hike, touring the fruitlands, or the canal, you must remain with your
partner at all times. Everyone knows that, right?"

The class nodded, and Mr. Terada continued. "Okay, no goofing off is allowed on this
trip. Remember, you have to take notes on everything I tell you that is important,
because you'll be writing a report on it. And make sure you are on the bus when you're
supposed to be, since we don't want to leave anyone behind." He paused and glanced at
his watch. "Alright, I'm going to pair you off now. Listen carefully who you're going to be
with, and when your names are called, go sit with that person." He reached for a clip-
board and began reading out a list of names.

"Chelsea, with Zachery. Nikki with Meiling..." While he continued reading the names, the
kids all got up to go over to their partners. I kind of tuned out, until he called Sakura's
name.

"Sakura, with Li..." My eyes went wide, as I felt my blood run cold. No way, I thought.
In front of me, I could see Sakura stiffen. Meiling and Madison were giving us both
uneasy glances, but that was the last thing on my mind.

I couldn't believe it. Now I was stuck with her for the whole day? Uh oh. That was pretty
much the only thing that came to mind.

I saw Madison and Sakura looking at each other. Madison's face clearly revealed how
awkward she felt at the moment, even she could feel the tension that was rapidly building
up, but Sakura's face was unreadable.

Meiling glanced at me, obviously worried. I knew my face was a blank as well, but inside,
it felt like every emotion in creation was churning. Dread, anger, longing, they were all
there. What are we going to say to each other THIS time?

Mr. Terada finished off pairing the rest of the class up, just as an announcement came
over the PA system, reminding us that the buses were in front of the school. As everyone
began grabbing backpacks and jackets, our teacher kept shouting out last minute orders
as he herded us outside.

On the bus, I found myself sitting next to Zachery. I greeted him as I pushed my
backpack under the seat. He sat down next to me, as cheerful as always. A few minutes
after the bus began driving off, Chelsea and Nikki turned around in their seat and began
talking to us.

Or should I say, to Zachery. I didn't say much, I just spaced out, looking at the window
and watching the city glide past as we rolled out of town. It was comforting to just
listen to the others talk and not have to say much. An image of a auburn haired, emerald-
eyed girl popped up in my mind's eye, and with it came the now-familiar rush of cold, grey
uncaringness. Then came something I hadn't expected. I guess I could classify it as
sadness, but that wouldn't really explain even half of it.

Zachery turned to me. "Li, what happened between you and Sakura?" he wanted to know.
I pulled myself out of my daze and looked at him. "Huh?"

"Li, something's definetly happened," Chelsea chimed in. "I've never seen Sakura act this
way to you before."
"I don't think I've ever seen her act this way to anyone before," said Nikki.
"Act like what?" I murmured emotionlessly.

"The way she's been ignoring you," Zachery supplied. "And another thing..the looks she's
been giving you. Like she's angry, but something more.."
I kept my gaze down. "It's because she hates me," I told them casually. I didn't even
need to look up to know the way they were all glancing at each other.

But I did look up when I felt someone's gaze on me. And of course, it was her. Our eyes
caught each other, and the tension built even more, almost sparking. It was only for a
split second. Then she glanced away, turning back to Madison, Rita and Meiling.

"I don't think she hates you, Li." Zachery's voice broke through my reverie. "That's a
pretty strong word."
"What exactly DID happen between you 2, anyway?" Chelsea demanded. I sighed and
looked up. "If you really want to know, maybe you should ask her. She can probably
explain it better than I can."

Nikki muttered something that sounded like, "Not a chance." I didn't really catch it. In
any case, I was glad when we drove by some factories near the Usako Fruitlands, and
Mr. Terada told us to write notes about natural resources.

~Anonymous POV~

The time was coming closer. Almost here. Soon.....very, very soon, would be the time
to strike. The perfect time to unleash itself. When neither of the guardians suspected a
thing.
It saw a vision. A vision of children. 2, in particular. It studied the girl, with large, green
eyes and auburn hair. So that was her. That was the Mistress of the Clow. She didn't
seem like anything incredibly special. But apparently, her powers ran deep. Well, she was
the main obstacle, anyway.

It studied the boy. Dark hair and amber coloured eyes. The descendant of Clow Reed.
They said his powers ran deep as well.

But after all, they were children. It didn't see what all the other cards saw that was so
special in them. Well that would change. Very, very soon. Closer than anyone would
suspect.

But it would only work if she didn't show up. Would she? That was the only hesitant
point......

~Li's POV~

The dreaded time had come. It was time to get off the bus, so we could hike up
the Usako Peninsula. The bus was supposed to meet us at the top. Nobody was really
looking forward to it. Well, I didn't know about everyone else, but there was more than
one reason I wasn't looking forward to it. We would have to stay in partners.

I got off the bus behind Zachery, deciding to leave my bag inside. It was going to be
hard enough to walk up the peninsula without carrying any extra weight. Apparently, I
wasn't the only one who made that smart choice. It was also obvious that other people
were a lot more determined about this whole thing. Like Chelsea, for one. And Sakura.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I shouldn't be so babyish, I told myself. This
wasn't going to kill me. And besides, I was supposed be able to handle anything.
When I opened my eyes again, Sakura was next to me. I could feel her glancing at me,
but she still didn't say a word. And her expression was still unreadable. But I don't think
I was one to talk, I would bet anything that mine was the same way.

"Remember to stay on the path," Mr. Tereda directed us. "And be careful not to get lost.
It's not as if this peninsula is huge or anything, but we don't want to spend extra time
looking for people. It's understandable if you happen to take a wrong turn, since it comes
out in the same place anyway, but it would probably take longer, and there is some
dangerous footing. Good luck, everyone."

Zachery ran over to Chelsea, as everyone began heading up the dusty path. Sakura
walked up in front of me, so I didn't have much choice but to follow her. It wasn't as
if I was really paying much attention anyway. Gradually, the sounds of the others faded
away.

Which just made the silence even louder than ever. The only sound that could be heard
was our feet crunching against the dead leaves on the path, and the occasional call
from some kind of bird. Sakura would stop now and then to take a note on something.
She still wasn't saying anything, her eyes a blank.

I clenched my fists in the pockets of my jacket, squeezing my eyes closed. I couldn't
stand it. A rush of pain swept through me. How did we let this happen? I wondered. I
didn't even remember what had started this in the first place. The silence. It was
deafening, like a thick blanket, suffocating me.

"Li." I opened my eyes in surprise at the sound of her voice and looked up at her. I could
swear that there was a hint of curiousity in the her large green eyes. It didn't matter, it
was gone in a second.

She pointed down through the trees. "We have to go that way," she said. "The path's
buried beneath too many leaves and stuff, so that's the best way."
I glanced at her. "Are you sure?" I demanded skeptically. It wasn't really my fault, it just
came out that way. And besides, I wasn't too sure about her choices.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at me dangerously. "Yes, I am sure, Li," she said flatly. I should
have stopped the conversation right there. The explosives were already in place. But
maybe it was just a reflex or something. Or maybe I really was mad at her still. Anyway,
I set the explosives on fire. "You'd better be right about this."

Sakura pulled out a map and shoved it into my hands. "There! Any more questions?" she
demanded hotly. "God, Li-"
"Listen Sakura-" I shouted, then cut myself off, looking at us. I was glaring at her angrily,
my hands tense at my side. She had her hands clenched at her sides, and was staring
at me. Her eyes were smouldering, now a dark green.

And neither of us had to say it. It pretty much said it for itself, without words. She hated
me, no doubt, and she thought I hated her too. And that just made the pain even worse.
Now there was just silence.

I pushed my way past her. "We've got to go," I muttered. After a moment, I could hear
her footsteps behind me.

We made it out at the top of the peninsula without speaking another word to each other.
Not even daring to look at each other. Across the field was the bus, waiting for us. Mr.
Terada, as well as some kids who'd already made it there, were just sitting around the
field. Everyone seemed flushed and tired.

"Hey, glad to see you guys finally made it back," said Rita, waving as we approached.
"So how did you guys do?" asked Mr. Terada.
Sakura and I glanced away from each other. "We did okay..I guess," murmured Sakura.
Her voice was strained.

Zachery pulled me aside while Sakura went over to Madison and Rita. "Things didn't really
go 'okay', did they?" he murmured knowingly. I shrugged, refusing to look at him.
Chelsea knew anyway. "You 2 got into another fight," she sighed. "What is going on? I
mean, I'd expect it from you, Li, but Sakura almost never loses her temper."
"Then I guess I really pushed her over the edge," I muttered.
"What did you say to her in the first place?" Chelsea wanted to know. I shrugged again
and leaned back. "I don't even know anymore."

Lunchtime was even more tense, at least between me and Sakura. Of course, the others
had to drag me over to eat with them. We stopped in this incredibly small town that you
could walk through in about 20 minutes, and Mr. Terada told us that we could eat any-
where, as long as we were back on the bus by 12:50. The others had decided that we
should have lunch at the picnic tables by the harbour. I've never really been one for
scenery, but it was a nice place.

The others talked, and it wasn't as if I was mute the whole time, but the tension...it was
still there, always ever-present. Everyone could feel it, but I don't think they were letting
it get to them. Or if they were, they were doing an excellent job of hiding it.

I stared out at the docks, and the boats on the lake, not really paying attention to the
conversation. Once again, I felt someone's eyes on me, and I looked up, expecting
Zachery or someone, about to ask me what I was thinking about. Instead I found myself
staring into 2 pools of emerald. I held Sakura's gaze for about half a second, and then
blinked, breaking the spell. I looked away, my face flushing in embarressment, anger, and
about another half million emotions I couldn't describe.

"Where do we go after this?" Meiling wanted to know.
"The next stop is a quick drive through the Usako Wetlands, then we go to the canal.
After that, we just go back to the school," explained Nikki, looking at her schedule.
"By that time, it'll probably be 3:00, so when we get to school, I guess we'd just go
straight home," said Madison.
"Not us," Chelsea told her, looking at Sakura. "Sakura, we've got cheerleading practice
after school, remember?"
"Oh yeah..right," murmured Sakura slowly. She didn't seem to be paying too much
attention either.

Rita checked her watch. "We'd better get going," she announced, standing up. "We've
got 8 minutes to get to the bus, which happens to be on the other end of the town.
We threw out our garbage and marched back through the town toward the field that the
bus was parked in. Almost everyone in the rest of the class was already there.

I sat down again, Zachery settling down next to me. Again, Chelsea and Nikki were in
front of us, and again, I wasn't saying much while the others talked. I glanced out in
Sakura's direction. She didn't seem to be talking much either, her face was as expression-
less as before.

I turned away, not being able to stand looking at her. I couldn't stand all this. How did
we let this happen? I thought. I'd always thought that Sakura was able to understand
me. It seemed as if all that had just slipped away 5 days ago. I closed my eyes, feeling
the pain. It hurt. It hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt before. How long was I going
to be able to hold out like this? With the 2 of us showing each other exactly how much
the other repulsed them, when all the while trying to watch our mouths for the words
we let out.

"Li, you shouldn't do this to yourself," said Zachery from next to me. I opened my eyes
and looked up at him, trying to act indifferent. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.
Zachery held my gaze. "You know what I'm talking about," he replied. I shrugged and
turned away. "It's no big deal," I told him uncaringly. "If she wants to keep acting like it's
that time of the month, it makes no difference to me."
"You know you're not the only one whose being hurt by this," said Zachery. I was silent
for a moment. "I know," I said finally. "It's making you guys really uncomfortable. I'm
sorry, but it's not really my fault." I paused. "I'm starting to think I should just forget this
whole thing," I said quietly, turning to look out the window. Everyone was finally on the
bus, and we'd just left the town behind.

I could feel Zachery's look still on me, I could tell he was puzzled. Because he knew as
well as I did that I wasn't talking about forgetting the argument. It was already too far
gone to simply do that. But he didn't know exactly what I meant. I doubted he'd ever
find out. Meiling would, though, if I told her.

The bus drove through the Wetlands, and we all had to take quick notes on what we'd
observed. I was glad for something to write down, so I wouldn't have to spend too much
time alone with my thoughts. They were getting dangerous to my health, emotionally
anyway.

The only part I was really going to find hard was when we got to the Usako Canal, which
was coming up closer and closer. I would be stuck with Sakura again, and obviously
things hadn't exactly gone well the last time I'd been with her. It was starting to feel
like torture whenever I was around her, a thought that was awful to accept, but
painfully true.

We got off at the canal, where we had to walk up to the highest balcony in the tourist
building area to see the boats pulling into the canal. It was all pretty boring, but Mr.
Terada said that it was an important part of the region's economic system.

It wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be, especially since Zachery and Chelsea, and
Madison and Rita came along with Sakura and I. The 2 of us didn't say a word to each
other, but the conversation of the others disguised it well. It still hurt, though.

After the tour of the canal, we were allowed to go into the tourist building to get a
souvenir if we wanted one. I didn't really care about it, but Zachery insisted that I come
with him to get something, so he dragged me into the store. I just wandered around
while I waited for him to choose something. I found myself looking at the display of
birthstone teddy bears that were there.

I checked my watch, wondering what time we had to be back at the bus. I was about
to walk away from the display when someone else stepped up to it. Again, for the 3rd
time that day, I found myself almost face to face with Sakura.

We just stared at each other for a second, then she broke her gaze. "Hello Li," she said
stiffly, looking away. I wasn't looking at her either. This was getting really bad.
"Hey Sakura," I responded just as coldly. I walked away, figuring that I'd better leave
before a somewhat civilized conversation turned ugly, as it was bound to sooner or later.

God, that had been really hard. I don't think I can keep taking this too much longer, I
thought as I approached Zachery, who'd just finished at the cashier counter. "Ready to
go?" I asked. Zachery nodded. "We've got to leave anyway, we've got about 5 minutes
till we have to get on the bus."

When everyone was back on the bus, it rolled away from the canal, heading back east.
Mr. Terada reminded us to finish up any notes we might have missed, since we were
going back to the school. Finally. It seemed like this field trip was going to be endless.
Endless torture, that is.

I think I fell asleep on the ride back to the school. Well, at least I wasn't the only one.
The last thing I remembered seeing before I fell asleep was Sakura, already asleep. I
guessed that maybe we were both emotionally exhausted about this whole thing. Anyway,
I know for a fact that Madison, Meiling, and Chelsea fell asleep too.

The bus pulled up in front of the school just a few minutes after Zachery shook me awake.
A lot of the class stood up and stretched, while Mr. Terada told us to get our things
organized.

When we filed out of the bus, the teacher told us that we could just leave right away, if
we didn't have anything to get or drop off in our lockers. I just took off for home right
away. I knew that I just couldn't stay around the others too much longer.

~Normal POV~

Kero was just relaxing lazily on Sakura's bed, playing a video game, when he suddenly
got a strange premonition. A chill ran down his back, as he glanced around. Something
was not quite right.

Kero turned off the TV and slowly, carefully, floated through the house. It wasn't that
he was nervous he'd be seen; there was nobody home. But he was getting a feeling....
a feeling that he shouldn't have been getting.

He found his way to the basement, and he flew toward the Clow Book, which was hidden
carefully. As he approached it, the feeling grew even more intense. He was sensing
something, in the vicinity.

Kero reached out and touch the book. He felt a slight tremor beneath his paw, and
could instantly tell that the Cards were sensing it too. And it wasn't good.

He grabbed the book, and, with much effort, manage to drag it up to Sakura's room. But
when he got there, he dropped the book in the doorway in surprise. "Yue."

Yue was sitting in the middle of Sakura's bed, staring at him. Kero approached him. "You
felt it too, didn't you?" he asked.
Yue nodded. "Yes. And it is exactly what you suspect it to be. It seems that we have
missed a Clow Card. 2, in fact."
Kero stiffened. "You don't mean that it is...." he trailed off.

Yue nodded, confirming the idea. "Yes. That's who it is."
Kero closed his eyes. "I was hoping that Sakura wouldn't have to face off against it,
ever," he murmured.
"You know, she is a lot stronger than you think," Yue told him.
"I know that," replied Kero. "It's just that...you know that this is something far more
extreme than what she's ever faced..."

Yue sighed. "Well, there is no question about it. It's the Doom Card. I never thought it
would show up..."
Kero glanced at him. "Okay. Well, has it's counterpart shown up anywhere?" he asked.
Yue shook his head. "I haven't sensed the Angel anywhere around. But it's usually
supposed to always be nearby it's counterpart." He paused. "You know we're going to
have to tell her as soon as she gets back."
Kero sighed, but seeing he had no other choice, he agreed.

~Li's POV~

I still couldn't stop thinking about her. About it. It didn't matter how far I was away from
her.
And it still hurt. It was incredibly painful. The argument flashed through my mind one
more time.
"God Sakura, sometimes I just really hate you!"
"I hope you don't think the feeling isn't mutual! I hate you too!"
I clenched my eyes closed, trying to ward off the memory.

I leaned against my bed, burying my face in my arms. "Why?" I whispered. "Why did I
have to say that?" Why did it have to happen anyway? There were a lot of whys. And
I thought a lot of things. Like why couldn't we ever keep our tempers in check (mine
anyway). And why it was so hard to be around her now. And why I'd fallen for her. Why,
when I knew she could have any heart she wanted, she'd just had to take mine. I dug
my fingers into the sleeves of my jacket, feeling my chest tighten. I knew I couldn't go
on like this much longer.

There was a knock on the door. "Li? Are you alright?" called Meiling from the other side.
"Can I come in?"
I sighed. "It's okay Meiling, the door's open," I called back.

Meiling poked her head through the doorway, then came in, shutting the door behind her.
"Li? Are you okay?" she asked. "You're missing soccer practice down at the school. Some
of the kids on the team asked me where you were, so I had to tell them that you were
feeling sick and came right home. I'm not sure if Zachery believed me, and I don't think
Madison did either." She studied me. "But I wouldn't say it was a complete lie. You are
feeling kind of sick, aren't you?"

I looked away from her. "I guess...I'm fine," I murmured, hearing how phony it sounded.
Meiling heard it too, and she came and sat next to me. "You're not fine," she insisted.
"It's that whole thing with Avalon, isn't it?"
"Not really," I began, but then cut myself off. "Well, maybe it is..."

I could feel Meiling's eyes on me as she looked at me closely, realizing. "It's really hurting
you, isn't it?"
I nodded, feeling the tears threaten to build up in my eyes. I squeezed them closed,
willing the tears away.
"I didn't realize you cared that much about her," Meiling murmured. I leaned back. "Neither
did I, to tell you the truth."

"Well, Li, it's going to get better soon," said Meiling comfortingly. "Don't worry."
I gave her a look. "I don't exactly think this is going to blow over, Meiling," I pointed out.
"If it was going to, it would've already done so." I remained silent for a moment, then
spoke up again. "I'm starting to think that maybe I should just forget about all this."
Unlike Zachery, Meiling knew exactly what I was talking about, and her eyes went wide.
"But Li, you can't," she protested. "It's just a silly argument, that's no reason to leave.
And besides, I want to stay. We still have that play we're all doing in the drama club."
I shook my head. Meiling is nice and all, and one of my best friends, but sometimes, she
can be really naive. It was one thing that she and Sakura had in common.

"You don't understand, Meiling," I sighed. "It's like...it's become so awful. We can't even
stand to be around each other anymore-" I cut off, not being able to go on. How could
I explain the way I felt? Even I didn't fully understand it yet. How could I explain the way
I felt the silence suffocating me, until I just wanted to scream? It was next to impossible.

Meiling stood up, her face set in determination. "I swear, Li, everything is going to be
okay. I promise," she told me. "Just stay here, I'm going out, okay?" She flounced out of
the room.

I just stared after her in skepticism, wondering what she was about to do. But I didn't
have time to think about what kind of stunt Meiling was going to pull. Right then, I sensed
something I don't think I should have been sensing.

~Sakura's POV~

"Sakura?" Chelsea asked, studying me with curiousity. "Did you forget the cheer?
Remember, 'Fight, fight, do it right, goooo team!' You're the one who made it up."

I turned my gaze toward her, blinking slowly as I drew myself out of the depth of my
thoughts. "I'm sorry, Chelsea, I guess I just zoned out there," I said apologetically.
Chelsea shrugged. "It's okay. It must be about that fight thing you had with Li."
"Huh?" I stared at her with a bored expression. "Oh come on, Chel. Li who? Besides, if he
wants to be a jerk, I'm not going to spend a single moment thinking about him. I'm okay
now, let's do the cheer again."
Chelsea smirked at me. "Okay, whatever you say Sakura," she said uncertainly as we
both went over to the rest of the squad to continue the practice.

Okay, I admit it. I'd lied. I was thinking about Li...a little. Or maybe not so little.
What I couldn't figure out was why I was feeling so guilty, so awful about this whole
thing. It wasn't as if I'd done anything wrong. Well, I wasn't even sure what the fight
had been about anymore. That kind of happens when you're too busy concentrating
on the aftershock.

I tried to keep my mind on the practice. Luckily, it was almost over. I climbed to the top
of the pyramid the other cheerleaders had made, posed for a minute, then did a flip off,
landing in a split. The others all gathered around me as we did our finishing poses.

Madison applauded from the sidelines, where she was videotaping us, at the insistence
of Chelsea. "That was a great routine, you guys," she told us, stopping the tape.
Chelsea got up and made a gesture, signalling that practice was over. Everyone went
over to the benches and began grabbing towels and water bottles. I took my bag and
my bottle and walked over to Madison, Rita, and Chelsea. Instictively, I glanced over
at the soccer field, where the team was practicing. My eyes searched the field for a
certain brown-haired boy, remembering how I'd always waved to him during his practices
when I was cheerleading. It was neat to see how he'd blush and turn away. All that had
been less than a week ago. But even though I wasn't talking to him lately, I still looked
for him on the field. Though why I did, I didn't know. It hurt seeing him, and made me
wonder why I'd said all that to him in the first place. As if it wasn't bad enough every
other second of the day.