Hay, every one! This is my take on a humor fic! It's not really weird, like a lot of people claim humors as, This is a spoof on 'Who's Line Is It Anyway?'. I hope yall like it!(By the way, this might be a little more understandable to the people who have seen 'Who's Line Is It Anyway', but hopefully everyone likes it!)Oh, another thing, please exuse all typos, my spell check program is screwing up.

Note:I used some of the stuff the actual comedians Do/Say, so don't kill me for being un-original.

~*~*~*~*~

Character:What the character is saying

~Character actions~

*Audience Actions*

<Camera Actions>

_Enforced Words_

[Author's notes]

(F.Y.I.)

~*~*~*~*~

Disclaimer:

Ok, Me no have money!

You try for sue,

you no get anything!

But for the stoopid ting we sposed to write for de big shots in suits and are real rich, me not own de peoples in this fic. some other big shots own dem. no get mad at me!neder do me own the game show 'Who's Line Is It Anyway?', or 'Dark Angel',or the movie 'Chicken Run', me just wanna write!

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Who's Card Is It Anyway?

One Shot

<Camera zoom in on the audience>

Tori:Hello, and Welcome to...*audience joins in* Who's Card Is It Anyway! Today we're here with...

<Camera zooms in on Li, a blank expression on his face>

Tori: 'Where'd that statue come from?', Li Showron!

<Camera flips to Sakura, arms crossed over her chest, pushing her boobs up high.>

Tori: 'Hey, my parents aren't home!', Sakura Avalon! Stop doing that!

<Camera flips to Zachary, his eyes crossed, leaning forward and suddenly jerking back repeatedly.>

Tori: 'Dude! Man, why are there two of you?', Zachary (what's his last name?)!

<Camera flips to Madison, Staring intently at her finger nails.>

Tori: And 'Yeah, right! I bet a hundred dollars my hair IS longer than that measuring tape!', Madison Taylor! Come on, let's have some fun!

~Tori runs out of the audience to his little desk thing whatever.~

Tori: For all those new to the show, this is 'Who Card Is It Anyway', were we take random stars from the show 'Cardcaptors', and sit them in a room, telling them to play games! Every thing is always made up, and the points don't matter! Just like my two other girlfriends, there just there for show!

~All the stars giggle~

Sakura: Great explanation, Tori.

Tori: Oh, bite me. Ok, the first game is 'Let's Make A Date'. This is for all the players, just step out here.

~All the stars step out to sit on benches with a card on each with their name written on it. They turn it over to see who they have to play.~

Tori: In this game we give each player a character they have to act like, and Li, the unlucky little one, has to guess who their pretending to be by asking questions and seeing their reactions.

~Zachary snorts, but he isn't allowed to show his character to anyone. He and everyone else sits down on their stools. Li smacks his head a few times, and they start.~

Li:(In a kind of gayish voice)Bachelor number one, I like to play with sharp things! What do YOU like to do?

<Camera snaps to Sakura, Rocking back and forth on her stool, holding her hands almost together in front of her, and rotating them for some unknown reason>

Sakura: Well, sonny, I always liked my knittin' needles!

<The words 'His Grandmother' appear on the bottom of the screen.>

~Li sits there a moment, seemingly taking all this in. He suddenly says something.~

Li: OOOKKKKAAAYYY!!!! Now, Bachelor number two, If I were drunk and couldn't drive home, what would you do?

<Camera zooms to Zachary, His legs crossed, holding up an imaginary cigarette.>

Zachary:(In a raspy, feminine voice)What would you _want_ me to do, hon?

<The words 'A Prostitute' appear on the bottom of the screen>

~Li's eyes widen. His mouth hangs for a moment, and he starts to say something.~

Li: Ok, forget I asked you that. Bachelor number three...

~Sakura suddenly pulls out in imaginary stick and hits Zachary with it.~

Li: I'll ignore that. Bachelor number three, If you were deserted on a desert island, who would you want with you?

<Camera zooms to Madison, looking pretty normal.>

Madison: Well, I'm not sure. You know. But I'm SURE I wouldn't take a certain someone! ~Raises her voice on the last part, face toward the curtain hiding the backstage area~

<The words 'Having A Fight With Boyfriend Backstage' appear>

~Li blinks, looks to the curtain, back at Madison, and blinks a few more times.~

Li: We sure have a weird assortment of people this time! Ok, well, Bachelor number one! Ok, What's your favorite car?

~Sakura smiles, with her lips covering her teeth.~

Sakura: Well, sonny, I would have to choose a station wagon! They are so reliable!

~Sakura takes out her invisible stick and hits Zachary again, who was pretending to flirt with Madison's boyfriend backstage.~

Li:~laughs a little~ Ok! Bachelor number two! Who is your best friend?

Zachary: These puppies!(puts both hands to his chest, squeezing a non-existent chest)

Li: Uh, huh. Have you ever considered augmentation?

Zachary: WHAT is that supposed to mean?

Li: Nothing! Bachelor number three, well, um, who's your best friend?

Madison:(looks kinda like she's about to cry)I'm not sure any more! Yeah, you heard me!~looks to the curtain~ I don't even know you any more!~Gets up and runs to the curtain~I have no idea who you are! Except the cutest guy ever, but........I'm sorry, too! Let's never fight again!~Hugs herself, pretending to kiss no one.~

~Li is laughing his head off~

~Tori hits the buzzer~

Tori: Ok, Li, it's time to try to guess who they are.

~Madison walks back to her seat.~

Li: Ok, well, Sakura is, um, an old woman?

Tori: Yeah, she's your grandmother

~Li snorts~

Li:Ok. Well, I feel sorry for you. Ok, Zachary is a slut (Tori: Yep), And Madison is having a fight with her boyfriend.

Tori: Backstage, that's right.

~Every one goes and sits back on their seats.~

Tori: Ok, Li, Sakura and Madison get 1000 points, Zachary gets 10, he was just plain gross.

Zachary: Aw!

Tori: Ok, the next game!

Zachary: Aw!

Tori: Haha. Ok, this is 'What did you say?'. It's for Li and Sakura, what you do in this one, your given paper slips with certain phrases that the audience picked. Your going to act out a scene, and pull them out randomly throughout your roll, reading whatever is on it, no matter what it says. Are you ready?

~Sakura and Li have a strange look on their faces.~

Tori: I'll take that as a yes. Ok, we need something for a plot, any idea's?

*Audience starts to scream names*

Tori: Ok, 'Rival's in love' it is!

*The audience whisper amongst themselves, trying to figure out who said that.*

~Sakura and Li get their paper slips and stuff them in their pockets.~

Tori: Ok, your in Li's dorm room, Li just told the entire campus your a slut(~Li snorts~)and your telling him off. Starrrrttttiiiiinnnnngggg.......now!

Sakura: What exactly were you thinking you asshole? That if you told everyone I was one, I would actually become one?!?!?!

Li:~Under his voice~No, I really just hoped....

Sakura: EXCUSE me?

Li: Nothing! You know, this is private property, you should probably leave.

Sakura: Like HELL! You want some of this? Bring it on!

Li: Actually.....Yeah.

Sakura: EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!

Li: Oh, nothing, I just said...~Pulls out a slip of paper~You have a skunk up your butt. ~Snorts.~

Sakura: Oh, really? Well.....~Pull out a slip~ Your the single most hottest man I've ever met!

Li: REALLY?!?!?!?!

Sakura: No! I was just kidding! Yeah...kidding!

Li: Oh...Really?

Sakura: ....no.........

Li: Well.......~Pulls out a slip~the last time I saw a face like yours.....~Reads ahead and gaps, crumples it up and throws it behind him~I thought I was in the presence of an angel!

(Tori: Hey!

Li: Lighten up! You wouldn't want me to call her a monkey anyway!)

Sakura: Really!!!!!

Li: Yes!!!!

Sakura: Oh,.....~pulls out a slip~ And I've always thought of you as the gay type!

Li:~Snorts~ Oh, it's the hair isn't it?

Sakura: Yeah, I think so.

Li: Well.....~pulls out a slip~ I SAW you with that hairy guy from trig!

Sakura: It didn't mean anything!!!!!!!

Li: Good!

Sakura: Actually...~pulls out a slip~You always looked like a good kisser....~throws it away, it was the end of it, so it was ok.~ even when I hated you!

Li: Really! Well....~pulls out a slip~ Same to you!

Sakura: Really!?!?!?!?!

Li: You know it, babe!

~Grabs her, bends her over and kisses her.~

~Tori buzz's them~

*Audience is laughing their butts off.*

~Sakura and Li walk back to their chairs~

Tori: Ok, minus infinity to Li for kissing Sakura, and a million to Sakura for living through it....*Hysterical laughter from the audience*~And the stars~

Tori: And we'll go to the next game. This is called Duets, it's for Madison and Zachary, and we need a volunteer from the audience

~Tori gets up and walks to a woman sitting in the front row~

Tori: Hello, ma'am, what's your name?

Woman: My name's Max.

Tori: Oh. Well, what do you do for a living?

Max: Well, I'm a bicycle courier in the day, and at night I work as a thief, using my enhanced genetical abilities as a leverage.

Tori:~Stares blankly for a moment~ Ok, well, Madison and Zachary are gonna sing a duet for you, that they made right off the top of their heads. And if it sucks, don't get mad, their new.

Max:*laughs lightly*Ok.

~Max sits on a stool in the middle of the stage.~

Madison: Hey Max!

Max: Hi! Nice to meet you.

Tori: Ok, we're going to start, Madison, Zachary, your going to sing in the style of a boy band.

~Madison glares at Tori.~

Madison: I'm not a boy!

Tori: I know! Just sing like one!

Madison: This isn't funny!!!!

Tori: Just sing. Laura Hall will be on the piano! Everyone look a Laura Hall, the amazing pianist!!

~Madison starts talking to Max~

Madison: I don't think we'll do anything on the genetic thing. It's just too technical.

Max: That's fine. I don't mind, it'll help keep Manticore off my ass.

Zachary: Ok, great. The song'll probably be about your night jo-

Tori: We're starting now!

~Laura starts playing to the song 'Tearin' Up My Heart', by N'Sync.

Zachary and Madison: [I don't have the patience to tell who sings what when, you get the whole idea anyway.]

Baby, I don't understand,

Your always nice in the morning,

You have a job that's just fine, but,

You keep stealin' all my things, Please stop.

Let me go

If you want it, take it and go

You hold me down

on my knees

I'm not sure if I'll live much longer

Your tearin' up my arm if I catch you,

And if I try to escape, you knock me out, too,

And no matter what I do you steal my things,

Even though I don't want you to.

Baby, please don't try to kill me!

I'm just too young to die!

In the corner of my room,

Baby it feels like I'm about to die

Let me go

If you want it, take it and go.

Your holding me down

on my knees

I'm not sure if I'll live much longer

Your tearin' up my arm if I catch you,

And if I try to escape, you knock me out, too,

And no matter what I do you steal my things,

Even though I don't want you to.

Breakin' off my arm and leg

When I catch you takin' my stuff

And no matter what I say you threaten death

even if I bribe

Breakin' off my arm and leg

When I catch you takin' my stuff

And no matter what I say you threaten death

even if I bribe

Your tearin' up my arm if I catch you,

And if I try to escape, you knock me out, too,

And no matter what I do you steal my things,

Even though I don't want you to.

And no matter what I do you steal my things,

Even though I don't want you to.

~Tori buzzes them.~*Max is laughing her butt off,*~and so is every one else.~*Max goes back to her seat.*

Tori: Ok!

~Madison and Zachary go back to there seats.~

Tori: That was funny! Ok, but no, really, that was really funny. That was off the top of their heads! Um, fifteen points to Zachary, and one thousand to Madison.

Zachary: Hey! Why more for her?

Tori: Because I like her better. Ok, we have to go to the next game now.

All the stars: Aaaawww!

Tori: Very funny! This is for all the players, it's called 'What do YOU think?' We had the audience think up scenarios, and we wrote them on a paper and stuck them in this hat! ~Holds up a hat.~ I'll pull them out randomly, and you act out what YOU think.

~The stars stand two on each side of the stage.~

Tori: Ok, first scenario. 'What chickens think about.'.

Li: What?

Tori: Just act it out!

~Sakura steps out to the middle of the stage.~

Sakura: (In an English accent) I don't WANT to be a pie!

~She walks back. There's a pause, and Li walks in.~

Li: What IS on the other side of that road?

~Everyone snorts, Li walks back, and Zachary walks out~

Zachary: Why do I have wings if I can't fly? It doesn't make sense!

~Zachary walks back out, and Sakura walk back in.~

Sakura: Thrust!! We need Thrust!

~Tori buzzes them.~

Tori: The most unlikely couples

~Li hit's his head~

~Sakura deep in thought. She mouths something to Li, and they both walk out to the middle of the stage.~

Sakura: Hey, John Goodman!

Li: Hey, Calista Flockheart!

~Sakura walks back in, and Madison walks in with Li~

Madison: Hey, Jack Nickelson!

Li: Hey, Alyssa Milono!

*Snorts*

~Li walks out, and Zachary walks in.~

Zachary: Hey, Rosie O' Donnel!

Madison: Hey, Brad Pitt!

~Madison and Zachary walk out, and Sakura and Li walk back in.~

Sakura: Hey, Tori!

Li: Hey, any woman in the world!

Tori: HEY!!!!!!

*Audience laughs hysterically*

Tori: NEXT!!!!

Li: Was it something I said?

Tori: Demonstrations that'll never make the cut.

~Sakura walks out~

Sakura: This is why you never dry your hair in the shower! ~Pretends to click on a hair dryer and electrocute herself~ ~Walks back~ *Audience laughs* ~Li walks out.~

Li: Today we will learn what Men know about Woman.

~Walks back~ *Audience starts to laugh. A woman up front stands up.*

Woman: You know nothing! Nothing I tells ya!

*Sits back down, and the person sitting next to her pushes her.*

~Madison walks out.~

Madison: Today we will show you how to catch a speeding bullet in your teeth.~Makes a popping noise, jerks and falls down.~ *Everyone laugh like hell*

~Tori buzzes them~

Tori: Things you'd never find in a cereal box.

~Sakura walks out~

Sakura: ~Pretends to rummage through a cereal box.~ I got it! It's-It's a.......smaple of Preparation H?

*Everyone laughs*

~Sakura walks out, Madison walks out~

Madison: Hey, look, I got a .....a .......Condom? This'll come in handy tonight.....

*Everyone laughs like hell, and one guy falls out of his seat.*

~Tori buzzes them repeatedly.~

Tori: Don't ever say anything like that EVER again!

Madison: ~Shrugs~ Like any of your girlfriends have to worry about saying that......

Tori: HEY!!!!!!!

*Everyone in the studio laughs, and Li falls down, holding his stomach.*

Tori: NEXT!!!!

Madison: Oh, lighten up, Tori!

Tori: ~Reads what the slip says, throws it away~ We're done!

~Sakura walks over.~

Sakura: NOT fair. What did it say? ~Sakura picks the slip up.~

Tori: Don't even think about it!

Sakura: (Reading aloud) What one of Tori's dates' look like. (Not reading aloud anymore.)Honey, whoever you are, trust me, you don't WANT to know.

Tori: Ok, everyone, back to your seats!

~Everyone goes back and sits back down~

Tori: I'll have whoever asked that arrested! No, I'm kidding. Zachary, Sakura and Li get one hundred points, Madison gets minus one hundred. That was just plain gross, Madison.

~Madison smiles sheepishly.~

Tori: Ok, this- I love this one! Ha! Ok, this is called 'Not so super heroes', and this is for everyone. Li, you stand in the middle of the stage, everyone else, in line on the edge. Ok, in this game, there is a disaster, Li plays a hero I make up, and when the next person steps out, Li makes up a name for him or her, and so on. Now what we need is a disaster, any suggestions?

*Audience screams names. One guy runs out and takes Tori's mike*

Crazy guy: It's too hot!

*The nut runs back up to his seat*

Tori: Uuuhhhh....Ok, I guess that's the disaster.......Ok! The world is getting way too hot, Chocolate bunny man!

Li: Chocolate bunny man!

Tori: Yes, chocolate bun-

Li: I'm a freaking chocolate bunny! What is this world coming to?!?!?!

Tori: You. Are. A. Chocolate. BUNNY!!! Now do your job!

~Tori buzzes him, and the scene starts.~

Li: ~Talking on imaginary phone~ No, I'm already booked for Easter! Get...No, get back to me later!~Hangs up.~~Runs over to an imaginary control station.~

Li: Oh, no! The world is getting way too hot! This is disastrous! My tail is drooping as it is!~Reaches behind him, and pulls his hand back. Pretends to eat what's on it.~ Mmm! I never realized what a delicious creamy filling I had!~Talking through laughs~

~Madison jumps in, reaches behind Li, and eats it, nodding in agreement. Li laughs out loud.~

Li: Thank god your here....uh.....Mimicks people behind their back girl!

~Madison snorts~

Madison: What's the problem? ~Mimics him while he's pointing out what's the matter.~

Li:~Catches Madison mimicking him.~ It's too- Hey! It's too ho- Stop that!

~Sakura jumps in, and Madison mimics her~

Sakura: What's going on?

Madison: It's getting too hot, uh........Really bad lounge singer girl!

~Sakura snorts and chokes.~

Sakura: Yeah..Yeah. Your a great audience! Whoa! Is it hot in here, or is it just out there?

Li: It's out there! We need to cool it down!

Sakura: Well, hello there, choco man! Where are you from?

Li: ~Laughs~ Uh, little secret bunny hood!

~Tori laughs~

~Zachary jumps in~

~Madison mimics everyone randomly~

~Sakura holds up an imaginary mike~

Zachary: What's wrong? I'm hot, turn on the air conditioning!

Sakura: Good thing your here...........Uh~Laugh~uh......Can't control his legs man?

~Zachary laughs out loud. He starts to wiggle his legs crazily~

~Everyone laughs~

Zachary: What's going on?

Li: It's getting too hot outside!!!! We need to fix it before I melt into oblivion!

Zachary: So. It's ALL about YOU, huh?

Li: NO! It's just too hot! We need to figure out how to fix it!

Zachary:~Still wiggling his legs crazily~Easy! Just push this button!~Point somewhere on the imaginary control center.~

Li:Oh! Ok, thanks!

Zachary~No problem! Now I'm gonna go sit down!~Talking through laughs~~Walks off the stage.~

Sakura: Well, you've been a great audience, but I've gotta go! See you in the next......uh.....time....~Runs off the stage.~

Madison:~Mimicking Li~Well, I think~mimics~I'll go~Mimics~ now!~Runs off of the stage.

Li: Thank god that's over! Now I can go home and pick all this green plastic grass off my butt!

~Tori buzzes them~

~Everyone goes back to their seats.~

Tori: ~Laughing~ Chocolate bunny hood?

Li: ~Holds up his hands defensively~It's where the elves live!

Tori: ~Laughing his butt off.~You people are nuts!

Sakura: And we's proud!

Tori: Ok, stop it before I choke up my guts!

Li: And the not-good part of that would be.....?

Tori: Not funny!

Li: Yes it is, it's freakin' hilarious!

Tori: Ok, we UNFORTUNATELY Have to end the show with one more game, which the audience will choose[This isn't in the real version of the show, I couldn't think of a better way to end this. I mean, there aren't any commercials on fanfics!]

*Audience screams names. Max stands up. *

Max: World's Worst!

Tori: That's almost the exact same thing as 'What do YOU think'!

Max: I don't care, I love that game!

Tori: Awwwwww..........

Max: PPPLLLLEEEAAASSSSEEE?!?!?!

Li: Yeah, Tori! Please?

Tori: You shut up!~Goes back to Max~ We didn't gather things for them to play off of!

Max: Let me pick! *Audience screams agreements *

Tori: ~Yelling at the audience~ Fine! Ok, Max, what is the topic of today's 'World's Worst?

Max:*Deep in thought * Uuuhhhh...World's worst things to say when your on a date!

Tori: Oh. Ok, kind of long there, huh?

Max: Just play!

Tori: Ok, Worlds worst things to say when your picking up your date!Everyone just step up to 'The World's Worst Step', and we'll start.

~All the players step onto a step on the stage~

Tori: Worst things to say when your on a date, ssssttttttaaaaarrrrtttiiiiiinnnnnngggggggg........Now!

~Li steps down.~

Li: Hey, my parole officer wanted me to show you these release forms.......

~Tori buzzes him~ ~Li steps back, and Sakura steps down.~

Sakura: I know this is only our second date, but..ILOVEYOU! Yourthemostwondefulpersonintheworldmarryme!!!!!!!!

~Tori buzzes her, Sakura steps back, Zachary step down.~

Zachary: (~Eagerly~) Hey, wanna see a picture of my penis?~Pretends to fold out something from his wallet.~

~Tori buzzes him repeatedly. Zachary steps back, Li steps down.~

Li: Hey, wanna see a picture of Zachary's penis?

~Tori buzzes him even more than he did Zachary. Li steps back, Zachary steps out.~

Zachary: And that's two Big Macs? That'll be.....

~Tori buzzes him. Zachary steps back, and then he steps back down.~

Zachary: Hey, Tiffany, we just wanted to tell you we had a great time tonight~Looks at his hand~ Didn't we?~Makes his hand move like a puppet~ Yes, we had a great time!

~Tori buzzes him. Li steps down.~

Li: Hey, thanks for inviting me up....Hey, nintindo!

~Tori buzzes him, laughing his head off.~ ~Li steps back down.~

Li: Hey, sorry I'm late, I was having trouble with the wife..you know....

~Tori buzzes him. Sakura steps down.~

Sakura: Thanks for a wonderful night, Brad. Oh, I mean John. Oh, wait...Chris?

~Tori buzzes her. Li steps down.~

Li: Oh, so your blind? To bad I'm not.

~Tori buzzes him~ ~Madison steps out.~

Madison: Hey, you look a lot like my other three boyfriends.

~Tori buzzes her, laughing his butt off.~~Tori buzzes the whole game~

Tori: Ok, we've had fun, but everything must come to an end....

All the stars: YEAH!!!!!!

Tori: NOT funny! Well, we hope to see you again soon(not) on 'Who's Card Is It Anyway?'!!!!

All the stars: Goodbye, and good riddance to all!

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Author's notes:

Hey, I hope you liked it! I'd like to thank all the people that helped with this, including my cousin, Megan, my sister(Though I wish she hadn't actually helped....sibling rivalry, oh lord.)My friend, Annie, and my big book of insults! I'm kidding! All of this was either original, or straight off of the show itself. I'm thinking about doing a sequel, (God, help us all!) but I give fair warning to all, it would take at least a couple of weeks, this took me about two. But anyway, I'll stop whining, and let you review! And you'd better, if you have any hopes of me writing a sequel!