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Hey! I'M BACK! THE HORROR!!!!!!, No, but really, I got a pretty good response on the last one ,so I decided to make another 'Who's Card Is It Anyway'! Sorry for the titles being wrong (And I know they will be), I don't watch Who's line very much anymore. (This beginning note is way out of date.) ~*~*~*~*~*~ Character:What the character is saying ~Character actions~ *Audience Actions* <Camera Actions> _Enforced Words_ [Author's notes] (F.Y.I.) ~*~*~*~*~ Disclaimer: I'm SSSOOOOO SORRY!!! The devil made me do it! I didn't want to write this, But I did! Don't sue me! It wasn't my fault! (Serious disclaimer: I don't own anything that is shown in this fic. I don't want to come back and list each thing I used, like last time, I just don't own ANYTHING, ok?) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Who's Card Is It Anyway? Episode Two
<Camera zooms in Stage> The Host: Hello, and welcome to 'Who's Card Is It Anyway? ! Today we're here with: <Camera zooms in on Zachary, (Pick any scene from either of the Austin Power' s')> The Host: 'Yes, I will do anything for a buck, even that!', Zachary Whatshisname! <Camera zooms to Sakura, pretending to powder her nose> The Host: 'What's that shadow on your upper lip?', Sakura Avalon! (~Sakura gives The Host the finger.~) <Camera Zooms to Eriol, sitting with his legs crossed, hands on knees, humming.> The Host: 'I wonder what HE'S sitting on!' Eriol Whatshisname! <Camera zooms in on Li, a weird look on his face> The Host: 'What crawled up HIS butt and died?', Li Showron! Come on, lets have some fun! <Camera zooms in on The Bubbles, making her way to her desk, surrounded by a bubble.> ~The stars all look at each other, wondering what the hell was going on.~ The Bubbles:Hi, everyone! I'm the Bubbles! I'll be filling in as the host until a new one is found! Tori, our last host, was fired by the critics, who said he was way too square, and he should ease up on the buzzer, which had to be replaced. ~The stars nod to each other, whispering that that was a good idea.~ The Bubbles: Anyway, welcome to 'Who's Card Is It Anyway?', the show were everything's made up and the points don't matter! Just like the buffet in a strip club! ~Sudden coughs erupt from the stars~ The Bubbles: No one cares about them! Eriol: Your a Clow card! The Bubbles: So? Eriol:~Muttering~ Nevermind. The Bubbles: That is SO vintage! Eriol: I said nevermind.... Bubbles: I'm not going to let that go, you know! Eriol: I SAID nevermind! Bubbles: Ok, we'll space on that loseo. On to the first game! We're going to play 'Hats'. For Eriol and Zachary, and Li and Sakura. They're each going to get a box of hats, they pick any of the hats that they want, and act out a really bad dating service video. Start on the buzzer! ~Buzzes them.~ ~Eriol walks out with a Blond wig on.~ Eriol: What are you looking at? You want some a th- ~Bubbles buzzes him.~ ~Sakura walks out with a Lei(that flower necklace thing) on.~ Sakura: Come on over to Hawaii! One of the best places where your sure to get Lei-ed! ~Bubbles buzzes her, laughing.~ ~Zachary walks out with a Garfield mask on.~ Zachary: ~Just sits there.~ ~Bubbles buzzes him.~ ~Li walks out with a batman mask~ Li: Do these tights make me look fat? ~Bubbles buzzes him~ ~Eriol walks out in a hunchback mask.~ Eriol: You can ring my bell..... ~Bubbles buzzes him.~ Bubbles: Girls don't like old fashion jerks, next! Eriol: ~Sneers at bubbles.~ ~Sakura walks out with a purple sequin veil.~ Sakura: (In a high pitched voice.) Remember, boys, with me it's dime days, nickel nights. ~Bubbles buzzes her, laughing like hell.~ ~Zachary walks out with an oversized turban. He turns to Sakura.~ Zachary: Really? ~Everyone laughs like hell.~ Zachary: I mean, I have a dime, we could hop backstage for a bit... ~Li runs to the desk and hold down the buzzer until Zachary walks off.~ ~Li walks out with a train drivers hat on(whatever you call it.)~ Li: I Blaze through tunnels! ~Bubbles buzzes him, then holds up her index finger and thumb, mouthing 'Call me.'~ ~Eriol walks out with a hat with a VERY big rim.~ Eriol: Not only am I a great date, but I pick up four hundred and ninety different channels! ~Bubbles buzzes him, laughing.~ ~Sakura walks out with a bee harvester's hat on.~ Sakura: Hi, honey! Do you like a nice walk in the garden, followed by a frenzied run into this house? Well.....~Bubbles buzzes her.~ ~Zachary walks out with one of those eye glass things stuck in his eye, holding a whole bunch of sunglasses.~ Zachary: (~In English accent.~)I'm worth seven million dollars, I own sixteen hundred eyeglass shops, which I inherited from my father after he fell in and eyeglass grinder and made a spectacle of himself. ~Bubbles buzzes him.~ ~Li walks out with a burglar mask.~ Li: Looks aren't important! ~Eriol walks out with a pirate hat on.~ Eriol: Who's gonna walk my plank? ~Bubbles buzzes him repeatedly. ~Sakura walks out with a golf hat (looking thing.)~ Sakura: You know, being a pimp, it's very hard to make due- ~Bubbles buzzes her.~ ~Zachary walks out with a builders helmet on.~ Zachary: ~in a deep voice.~ Remember me? I used to be in the Village People! ~Li walks out wearing a mask that looks like a cross between every guy on Anime that you can think of.~ Li: Oh... ~Bubbles buzzes for the end of the game.~ Bubbles: Ok, well, that was somewhat funny, with a touch of lame. I give everyone except Eriol a hundred points. Eriol: You ARE a clow card!!!!!!!! Bubbles: Well, you still didn't have to put it the way you did! Eriol: We- Bubbles: NEXT GAME!!!!! This is 'Mission Improbable' for Sakura Eriol and Zachary. Eriol and Zachary are agents, Sakura is going to play the voice on a tape that Eriol and Zachary are listening to to know what there mission is. And what we need from the audience is some every day thing, normal thing that's really easy to do. *Audience shouts names * Some guy in third row: Cooking dinner! Girl in row five: Getting to work! Guy in first row: Eating my wife's dinner! No wait...you wanted easy? Bubbles: Well, someone isn't going to have fun tonight... Guy in second row: Cleaning the Pope's hat! Bubbles: Wha-?~Gives guy a crazy look.~ Are you feeling ok, sir? Guy: Come on! Bubbles: Ok, well, to avoid a mental breakout, I'll go with Cleaning the Pope's hat. Guy: WHOOHOO! Bubbles: ~Sticks her tongue out at weird guy.~ Ok, Sakura is the tape, telling Eriol and Zachary they have to go clean the Pope's hat. ~Eriol presses the button on an imaginary tape player.~ Sakura: Hey, is this thing on? How do you work this dar- ~Zachary pretends to press fast forward.~ Sakura: Vvaarnnvvv! This is your boss. Eriol: Hi. Sakura: But remember, this is a tape recording, so you don't answer. Eriol: Alright. Oh, wait. Oop. I'm nervous, I'm nervous. Sakura: Your mission, if you choose to accept, and remember, if you do some guy with a chain saw will come and kill you, Eriol: ~Eyes widen, and mouth gaps open.~ Sakura:.... is to sneak into the hotel the Pope is staying in, and Clean...his....hat! Eriol and Zachary: Gasp! Sakura: Please throw this out the widow, because we couldn't find the explosive stuff. ~Eriol picks up the imaginary tape player and throws it out the window~ Sakura: Iiiiiiiieeeeeee! ~Eriol reaches out imaginary window and turn the imaginary tape player off.~ (~Sakura runs back to her seat.~) Eriol: ~Turns to Zachary.~ This is a hard one! Zachary: Just so you know, your in my will. Eriol: Cool! Well, just so you know, your not in mine. Now, we'd better get going. ~Zachary gaps at him.~ <Mission impossible music starts to play.> ~Zachary and Eriol sneak around, looking very silly.~ ~Zachary stops and stands up straight.~ Zachary: Well, now that we're done with the ceremonial dance, lets go over to that hotel! ~Eriol and Zachary get in an imaginary car.~ Zachary: Hey! Hey do you get to drive? Eriol: Because, I'm the reincarnation of Clow Reed, and your not, so nnnnyyyaaaahhh! Zachary: Humph! Eriol: Were are the directions? Zachary: What! You mean you don't know??!?!?! Eriol: Oops! I guess we should get that tape! ~They both jump out of the imaginary car, and run to the other side of the stage. Eriol bends over, and pretends to pick up the tape player. Sakura runs back to the spot next to the stage. Eriol pretends to press play.~ Sakura: Hey, wait! Don't throw yet! *Laughter * Sakura: The hotel is on 344 dumdum drive! ~Eriol nods at Zachary, and they start to go back to imaginary car.~ Sakura: Now you can throw this. ~Zachary sighs and runs back. He pretends to turn it off, and throws at Sakura. Sakura laughs and goes back to her seat. Zachary goes back To Eriol.~ Zachary: So, where's 344 dumdum drive? Eriol: Well, lessee, (~looks at the ground.~) This is...(~turns around.~) 345 dumdum drive, so it's....right over there!!!!! ~points to the right.~ ~They both run in place. Then they pretend to climb up the wall.~ Zachary: Is it just me, or are we not getting any where? Eriol: Oh! The wooden...plant..thing..that ...people ..climb on...is over there! Come on! ~They pretend to climb the wooden plant thing that people climb on. They pretend to climb in the window. Eriol makes a screaming woman noise.~ Zachary: ~Looks around.~ ~Sakura runs back, laughing.~ Sakura: On the first floor. ~She runs back.~ Zachary: ~Looks around him~ What was that?! Eriol: Probably a tip, come on! ~They pretend to run out of the room. They sneak around again(the music was still playing.) They pretend to walk in some type of room.~ Eriol: ~Leans forward and pretends to press a button.~ Zachary: ~Hums elevator music. Makes a ding noise.~ <Music starts again.> ~Zachary and Eriol sneak around again. Eriol pretends to lean against something. Motions to Zachary.~ Eriol: (Whispering.) I think it's in here! Zachary: You can hear a hat? Eriol: Shhhh! It might hear us! ~Zachary slowly backs away from Eriol.~ ~Eriol pretends to open the door.~ ~Sakura makes a screaming noise.~ ~Both guys jump.~ Eriol: Guess not. Wait, here! ~Pretends to jump in a room. Starts to sneak around. Zachary walks in behind him calmly. Picks up an imaginary hat.~ Zachary: Is this it? ~Eriol runs over.~ Eriol: You found it! Your a genius! Zachary: Well, it was right in the middle of the doorway..... Eriol: Nevermind where he hid it, we need to clean it! But how.... Zachary: The bathtub! ~They pretend to run into the bathroom. Zachary makes a woman screaming voice.~ Eriol: Zachary! Stop it, your starting to scare me, lets just clean it! Zachary: The bathtub! Eriol: You already said that! Zachary: The bathtub! Eriol: I'll ignore that. ~Pretends to open the curtain.~ Eriol: We've got the water, but how will we clean it?!?!?! Zachary: The bath- oh wait. Those little soaps next to the sink! ~They pretend to get the soaps and clean the hat. Eriol pretends to lift it up.~ Eriol: It's clean! But how will we dry it? Zachary: The little soaps next to the sink! Eriol: That will not dry it! Zachary: The little so- oh wait. The cat! ~Eriol laughs, holding his stomach. They pretend to grab the cat.~ Zachary: MEORRRRRWWEEEEYYYOORRRR!!!!!!!!! Eriol: Perfect! Oh, no! Zachary: What? Eriol: I dropped it on the dirty floor! What'll we do now? Zachary: ~Looks deep in thought.~ The Cat! Eriol: No, it's already wet. Zachary: Oh, yeah. Wait! Eriol: What? Zachary: I brought my spare Pope hat! ~Pretends to pull a hat out of a pocket.~ ~Bubbles buzzes them.~ ~They walk back to their seats.~ Bubbles: For some reason Li won that one, and he wasn't even in it. Eriol: Yeah, right. My descendant is not allowed to be cuter than me! Li: Hey, you shut up! There is no way in hell I could ever look worse than you, and if I could, I sure wouldn't want to! Eriol: HEY!!!!!!!!!!! Bubbles: NOW! We go on to the next game. This is called 'Song Titles', this is for everybody..... ~Eriol stick giving Li the death eye.~ Bubbles: The stars are split into two groups of two, one from each team is out playing out a plot. The twist is, they can only speak in song titles. If they cannot think of a song title, the person behind them takes their place. Your scene is your at a high school basketball game. Starting.......now! Eriol: I'll make a man out of you! Zachary: Can't take that away from me! Eriol: (Loudly) STRONGER!!!!! Zachary: Nobody's perfect! Eriol: More than that! Zachary: Uuuhh mmm.....~Bubbles buzzes him.~ ~Sakura walks out.~ Sakura: One kiss from you. Eriol: uu-um...Okay! ~Bubbles buzzes him.~ ~Li walks out, giving Eriol the finger.~ Sakura: Another dumb blonde. Li: I am who I am. Sakura: What U see is what U get. Li: Little bitsy teenie winy yellow polka dot bikini? ~Sakura snorts~ Sakura: It's true. Li: Take me out to the ball game. Sakura: You oughta know. Li: I want it that way. Sakura: ...........~Bubbles buzzes her. She walks off laughing. Zachary walks on.~ Zachary: Man! I feel like a woman! (~Li laughs.~) Li: Whatever you do! Don't! Zachary: ~Looks hurt.~ I will love again! Li: ~Nods.~ Believe. Zachary: What a girl wants! Li: Doesn't really matter. Zachary: ...Every little thing she does is magic? Li: ~Point at him.~ Unpretty. Zachary: .....Bitch! Li: ~Laughs, doubles over, and laughs~ No strings attached! Zachary:....................~Bubbles buzzes him. Sakura walks out.~ Sakura: I want you. Li: Come on over (All I want is you.) Sakura: If you asked me to. Li: How did I fall in love with you? Sakura: I dunno. ~Bubbles buzzes the game.~ Bubbles: It would be a shame for any of you to lose that game, but there it is. Li: Hey! What about me? ~Eriol hits him.~ Bubbles: Don't worry, your too far ahead of anyone to be worried. Li: ~Grins.~ Bubbles: Stay tuned, we'll be right back, after a word from our sponsor! <Scene changes to a baby playing in a cat litter box with a tooth brush. A man steps in front of the scene.> Man: Need a new toothbrush? Well why don't you use Nancy's miracle worker? It's absolutely corn-free, and litter resistant! Remember..... <Scene switches to the baby again, and then back to the guy.> Man: Sometimes, you just need it. <Scene switches, to a toothbrush flying into the screen.> Man: Nancy's Miracle worker, for the people with kids. <Scene switches back to the game, all the player looking very grossed out.> Bubbles: I don't think we'll be giving another word to our sponsor for a while. Eriol: GOOD! That was just plain nasty. Li: Get a new sponsor! Bubbles: I think we will, but right now we have to go on to the next game, this is for all the players, this is Foreign Language, Li and Sakura will be acting out a scene in a foreign language, and Eriol and Zachary will translate for them. What we need from the audience is a language for them to pretend to speak, any ideas? *Guy in seventh row: Japanese! Guy in fourth row: French! Girl in second row: Canadian!* Bubbles: What? *Guy in third row: Californian! * Bubbles: That's not foreign, either! *Guy: But it's funny! * Bubbles: Remind me to tell the producers to never let this audience back on, ok? Li: Hey, it think it's funny! Bubbles: You do? Li: Yeah! Bubbles: Oh, well, in that case, it's fine by me! Eriol: Stop sucking up to the cute guy! Your a freakin' clow card! Bubbles: Clow cards have feelings, too, you heartless meanie! Eriol: Oh, bite me. Bubbles: Let's just start the game? Sakura, Li, your in a uni-sex bathroom, and that's your scene. Li: What? Bubbles: Starting................now! Li: ~Walks over to Sakura~ Ok, totally and stuff that radurtud TYTE! Zachary: I like your dress. Sakura: Ok, like, whatever and stuff over on that totally rad, man on the 6 with the jen over there, like ok, maaaaannn Eriol: Thanks. Li: Like, Where'd you get it, maenad? Zachary: My sister has one just like it, sometimes I wear it. ~Li glares at Zachary.~ Sakura: Sears. Eriol: I changed into it when I wasn't in a dressing room. And I got it a sears. Li: Really? Zachary: Will you do it again any time soon? Sakura: Totally Eriol: I'll do it now. ~Sakura glares at Eriol~ Li: Like, there whatever and stuff with the coolness of the cool and deep, dude. Zachary: Really? Sakura: You wish. Eriol: Like, totally. ~glare~ Li: Whatever. Zachary: Alright! ~Glare.~ Sakura: Don't touch me, you perverted freak! Eriol: Kiss me, hunkie! ~Double death glare.~ Li: No! Zachary: Cool! ~Li kisses Sakura~ ~Bubbles buzzes them~ Bubbles: That's enough of that. Don't you people torture them like that again! Zachary: You mean have Li kiss someone other than you? Bubbles: Yeah! Poor guy, must be devastated. Li: ~Laughs.~ Bubbles: Li gets whole bunch of points for that one! As always, hukasauruses always conquer! And now we go on to the next game, this is calling 'Narration', for Eriol and Li. They will act out a skit, while all along each in turn stepping out, narrating the whole thing. Be nice, Eriol. The scene is your out hunting. Starting................now! Eriol: ~Steps out.~ He was skinny as a post and twice a thick. I was a little worried being in the middle of nowhere with him and a gun. I figured I'd see how well he could shoot. ~Steps back.~ How well can you shoot? Li: I don't shoot bad. ~steps out~ I was a little curious as to why he had taken us to the corner of oxford and dumdum, I knew the game wasn't around this time of year, but I went along any way.~steps back~ Gee, haven't seen anything in quite some time. Eriol: ~steps out~ He wasn't a handsome man. *Laughter * ...He had a face like a collapsed lung. I thought I'd bring him here to hunt down some cosmetics. ~Steps back.~ whaddaya say we look for some... pancake. Li: Sure. ~Steps out~ I knew he was nervous. I had seen that he had urinated not five minutes ago. But I played along, we hunted for...pancake.~steps back.~ Eriol: ~Steps out~ I could tell by his doggy brown eyes that he had a secret. A secret he didn't want to share, because you don't usually share secrets, otherwise they wouldn't be secrets anymore.(pause). My head hurts. ~steps back.~ Li: How are you feeling? Eriol: Fine, how are you feeling? Li: Fine. (pause.)~Steps out~ He doesn't think I notice the big hatchet sticking out of the top of his head. I had thrown it not fifteen minutes before. Didn't bother him, it didn't bother me. ~steps back.~ Eriol: ~steps out~ Actually, it did bother me, I mean I have a hatchet in my head. That's gotta hurt, right? Well, doesn't it? ~Steps back~ Li: ~Steps out.~ It was then that I realized he could hear every word I was saying. I decided not to say that I think he is the ugliest man alive. ~steps back.~ Eriol: ~steps out.~ I heard that. ~Steps back.~ Li: ~Steps out~ I knew he had heard that. ~Steps back.~ Eriol: ~Steps out~ I knew he knew I knew that. (pause) my head hurts. ~steps back.~ Li: ~Steps out~ I knew he knew I knew he knew that. I said it for payback on the collapsed lung quip. ~Step back.~ Eriol: ~Step out~ Like I care. ~Steps back.~ Li: ~Pretends to point the gun at Eriol and shoot.~ Bubbles: Alright Li! Eriol: Not funny! Bubbles: ~Buzzes them.~ ~stars go back to their seats.~ Bubbles: About now we'd usually go to words from our sponsor, but there is no way in hell that is going to happen, so I'll just announce tonight winner, And the only reason I say this is so I can play the game with Li, but Eriol won! ~Eriol sneers at her.~ Bubbles: Ok, well, what we need from the audience is something that men are afraid of. Things guys are scared of, any ideas? *Man in first row: Eating my wife's dinner!* Bubbles: That's enough of you! *Guy in fourth row: Spiders!* ~Eriol rolls his eyes.~ *Girl in second row: Woman!* Bubbles: Woman! That's good. We'll do the hoe down on Woman! With some person you don't know on piano! Eriol: I'm not afraid of woman! Bubbles: Well, you should be. And it doesn't matter anyway, your not in the hoe down, so nnnnyyyaaaahhhhhhmmm! ~music starts. Zachary dances around.~ Zachary: Woman scare me very much, they always follow me, they jump up and down at malls, and charge my card for me. These woman that you speak of, in complimentary, I do not think that they exist, just a whole bunch of freaky little blood sucking rats that wont let go of your wallet. ~All the stars look at Zachary like he's crazy.~ Bubbles: Oh, I am a woman, though a lot say not (~Glare at Eriol~) We get stuck doing everything that includes a cleaning mop. All you guys think that's all we're worth, hey, give us a little slack, cuz if you don't we'll keep that promise, and tell everyone how bad you are in the sack. Sakura: Where'd that come from? Bubbles: Don't ask. Li: Eeew! Bubbles: It's your turn. Li: All of my friends are girls, and my family, too, I really don't mind at all, I think girls are cool. But over all of the girls I know, There's only one that's the best, I think that my girlfriend is better than the rest! ~Bubbles snorts~ Sakura: That was so cheesy. Li: It's true, though. Sakura: All the men I know, Would do anything for a kiss. They'll say whatever they can to get laid, even if he still is. (~Points to Li. He blushes.~) They cheat, they steal, and they dare call us sluts, I swear if I hear another corny pickup line, I'll kick the guy in the nuts. All the stars: (through giggles) Kick him in the nuts! ~Eriol holds down the buzzer for a full minute.~ Eriol: I'll stay away from Sakura. Li: You'd better! Bubbles: Go back to your seat, you sicko! Eriol: I'm not a CLOW CARD! ~Bubbles hits him.~ Bubbles: That one Sakura did had nothing to do with girls! Sakura: Yes, it did! I was speaking for every cute girl out there that's like me and is SO completely tired of those freakin guys saying 'Hey, I lost my phone number, can I have yours?'! Bubbles: You have a point there. Ok, I guess I'll let that pass. We are coming to the end of our show! Oh, no! Yeah, right. Anyway, we'll have Sakura do the apologies and explanations as a patient talking to the psychiatrist Li. Thank you reading the show! Have a good night! Sakura: So, on my last one, it was ok, right? I mean, it's normal to not have a hoe down. Some of the real shows don't have hoe downs, and just because I didn't have a hoe down doesn't mean anything, right? Li: Oh, sure it's absolutely fine. Sakura: I mean, just because I can't rhyme, that doesn't mean anything. Right? Li: Of course not. Sakura: And A lot of people don't know the names of the games, so that's normal, too, and it's all ok, right? Li: Sure! Go on. Sakura: And even if this isn't NEAR as ok as the last one, it's not a problem, right? I mean, I tried! ~Kyralea walks on the set.~ Kyralea: Ok, first off, I'm not NEAR that insecure. Sakura: Oh, like I'm supposed to know that. Kyralea: Second, I hate psychiatrists. Bubbles: So, this is a show! Kyralea: THIRD! I don't mind, because it's Li. ~Kyralea sits on Li's lap.~ Kyralea: I'd like to thank my cousin, Megan, who was a HUGE help in this, my friend, Annie, who did most of the first game for me ^_^, AnimeGamer, who is the only reason I even started to write this again, I think his name is 'HA', who is the one who gave me the most idea's for the games, all the others who tried to help (Bad memory, forgive.), and all the Reviewers on FF.N! All rights to the commercial belong to my mom, the sick little mind behind it. And you DON'T want to know what inspired it. I didn't mean any offense to Californians. All comments, opinions and flames welcome. Sorry if I got any of the names wrong, I don't really watch the show that often any more. If I get good enough of a response on this one, I might just make a third episode. ^_^, hopefully it won't take as long, though. Hope you liked this! CULater! Li: Could you get off my lap? Kyralea: Not a chance. |