...The British are reserved on the outside, but they have fire underneath...
Gwyneth Paltrow

You know that little speck on the map that unfortunately happens to be so close to the rest of the continent that it often gets thrown into the mix and called European?
That's where I'm from. Britain, the United Kingdom, Good ol' Blighty...
whatever you want to call it, that's where I'm from.

Specifically, I'm from England. A little warning for those of you who I've already confused - I wouldn't get "England" mixed up with "Britain" if I were you, you're likely to get a brisk smack in the chops with a stiff upper lip.... England is that big country in the middle. The one who gave the world the English language, the Royal Family, Mad Cow Disease, cucumber sandwiches, phrases such as "Jolly spiffing, chaps!" and The Spice Girls (sorry).

But hey, don't get all huffy and start throwing things at the screen just yet. We did bring you The Beatles... but just how musical evolution turned popular lyrics like "All these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new..." into "Slam your body down zigazigah..." I'll never know. Can anyone shed light on this? Anyone? Not even that greasy haired kid hiding at the back? Sheesh. What a world.

There's no escaping the Monarchy over here. They're always in the news for something or another, whether its Prince Philip putting his foot in it (again) or Prince Charles flaunting Camilla Park-yer-bowels all over town. But although they're a huge part of this country, its genuine people like Brit actress Kate Winslet who most Brits look up to. I can't see the Queen being so down to earth that she serves bangers and mash at any major event, can you...?

Now, having found many global friends through being a complete unadultered Chat addict, I've discovered that despite being our language, there are many forms of English scooting about the world. So for the benefit of those not "up with our lingo", here's some pointers.
Sod: Literal meaning; clump of earth.
British meaning; we're going to throw this word randomly into any sentence
and completely confuse every Non-Brit in the vicinity.
This can be used as a name, when you want to call someone something without actually insulting them...
for example, "You've trodden on my cucumber sandwich Clifford, you daft¹ sod!"
¹Daft: we'll come to that in a minute...
But it can also be used to enhance just about any other sentence
one would use in everyday language...
"Four hours til the next bus? Oh sod that!"
"It's not sodding fair."
See? It's really not that difficult.
Daft: This is an easy one. If you can't get this, you really are daft.
Daft = silly, stupid, one sandwich short of a picnic, thick as two short planks....get the idea?
Cheeky: We seem to use this one alot and I was startled to find that it's not so well known outside of our lil island.
Cheeky, generally speaking, means impudent; brazen...bold...even saucy (Ohhhhhhhh Matron!²)
²Ohhhhhh Matron = popular catchphrase from our cheesy everyone-in-the-whole-UK-has-seen-them-at-least-a-hundred-times Carry On films.... :)
Faucets are taps, potato chips are crisps, french fries are chips, soda is pop, tank tops are vests, hamburgers are CJD waiting to happen and sandwiches are limp three layered structures composed of bread, filling, then another piece of bread. And if it's not cut into triangles, then it's just not good enough.
I am sure there are dozens more phrases or words out there that are not so well understood; just write me at raenstorm@aliasrae.com and I'll have a butchers at deciphering them for you.

Being English does have its advantages. For one thing, I've discovered that foreigners - particularly those from far European countries such as Greece and Turkey - automatically assume that you are rich if they find out where you're from. I'm curious about this. Why rich? Perhaps because everything costs so damn much in this country so they think that because we can afford to live here, we must be wealthy. Oh lawdy....how wrong could they be?

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