:: Now I Know My ABC ::

ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what it REALLY involves.
BIOLOGY: (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
BOOK: (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay wake long enough to read the night before finals.
BOOKBAG: (n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum, combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos, sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
CAFETERIA: (n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
CAFFEINE: (n) One of the four basic food groups.
CALL: (v) What you can't do because your stupid roommate has to go over every stupid detail of every stupid day with their stupid hometown sweetheart.
D-MINUS: (n) A pretty good grade.
DORM: (n) Student residence located only a few convenient miles from 8 a.m. classes.
DORMROOM: (n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of incompatible people.
EDUCATION BUDGET: (n) Money you allocate each month for movies and magazines.
KLUTZ: (n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask him to slowly pour the sulphuric acid into the beaker you're holding.
LAB: (n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the dead frogs they dissect.
LETTERMEN: (n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter sweaters proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.
LIBERAL ARTS: (n) See: "Would you like fries with that?"
LOUNGE: (n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building where the only furniture that isn't soiled, ripped or scarred is immediately stolen.
MAJOR: (n) Area of study that no longer interests you.
MISERY: (n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the person your roomie fixed you up with because "the two of you are so much alike."
OFF-CAMPUS PARKING: (n) Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining county.
PAPER: (n) Your version of Cliff Notes.
POSTER: (n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dormroom while making people think you've been to foreign lands and done things you never have.
PRE-LAW: (n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.
VICE SQUAD: (n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be under the impression that they were invited to your dorm party.
VENDING MACHINE : (n) A coin operated device for dispensing breakfast, lunch and dinner.
WINTER: (n) When the air conditioning in your dorm finally kicks in.
WORK-STUDY: (n) Two things not done by a majority of students.
WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know which class you're currently late for.
X-RAY: (n) A medical technique that will display cafeteria meatballs up to ten years after they're eaten.
YEARBOOK: (n) A book containing student pictures that will keep getting nerdier as the years go by.
YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page paper you started tonight was due.
YIELD SIGN: (n) Dormitory wall decoration you "purchased" around 3 in the morning with the help of two buddies and a hammer.
ZEPPELIN: 1) (n) A large blimp. 2) (n) Still the best band for playing air guitar in one's underwear.
ZERO: (n) The number of times you've gotten to eat most of the pizza you ordered.
ZOO: (n) What dorms would look like if they were a little neater.
ZOOLOGY: (n) The study of animal life (See: "Frat boys at Homecoming").

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