Anthony returned to Montepaolo, but a week had not gone by when the news arrived that Friar Graziano had instructions for Friar Ildefonso. Anthony was called. Ildefonso sat on a stump between the caves and stared at Anthony for a long time. He eventually said:
"You have deceived me, Friar Anthony..."
"I wouldn’t dare."
"Yet you haven’t said everything about yourself. I thought: 'Here is a devout Friar. He has even received the orders. But he doesn`t say anything, he doesn`t distinguish himself in anything...'"
"It is so."
"Well, well. You can say what you want, but you really showed to Dominicans that you belong with them and not with us."
"I am a Friar minor and I intend to stay this way till the end of my life."
"That is admirably, Friar Anthony. I have to say, however, that amongst us there are no preachers such as yourself. I do not know what Friar Minister has in mind for you, but he wants to see you at the Porziuncola as soon as possible. I am certain he wants to discuss your future with you. Go Friar Anthony, without any delay, and may our Lord protect you. I have the feeling that you will not come back between us."
Anthony travelled alone. He walked along the farm roads. He crossed Arezzo and Perugia. Once again it was unknown to him what would happen. Nevertheless he walked lightly. He had in fact done nothing to change his decision. He had received an order and was adhering to it with undeniable obedience. Perhaps this was the time to understand what God had in mind for him. Was he going to be ordered to leave Francis` order? Or, would he be stopped in delivering homilies?
In the past in the decisive moments of his life he remembered to be worried and tormented. Many times he questioned himself if he had behaved according to God`s will. He was perennially looking for the mistakes in his behaviour. Now, it was different. He was taken by a strange carefreeness, except that in his heart he had developed happiness which was not so consistent with his nature. He almost wanted to sing just as the Friars would sing similar to garrulus happy-go-lucky sparrows. He stopped in the villages, as Friars would do, to ask for food in exchange of some farm duties. The village people gave gladly bread and cereals, and when he asked to do some work, they limited themselves to smile.
"Eh, friar, you are rather thin" they were saying.
"It is better that you rest, seeing that you still have a long way to go."
One day he met a woman that ran in front of her house as in prey of desperation. Her black hair was covering her face, her mouth was trembling. Seeing her so much in anxiety he wanted to move away from the gate, look for food elsewhere. But the woman held him back.
"Wait, friar. Certainly you must be here because you are hungry."
"I have come to beg. But I see, woman, that you are worried about something, So I do not want to disturb you."
"Ah, something very bac happened..."
"What happened?"
"We lost a cow. It was in the pasture, the boy was looking after it. But he went somewhere. And in the meantime the cow vanished. Was it stolen? Perhaps it was attacked by the wolfs, torn into pieces and carried into the bush. A real misfortune. How are we going to survive without the cow? I have small children... The boy has been hit with a baton and he went to look for it. I am going as well ... But you stay here and wait. When I will come back I will give you something to eat."
"May God bless you, woman... Perhaps I could do something in change of this food, be useful in something?" The woman made only a sign of denial with her hand, and said:
"How could you possibly help me? You don’t look as someone who knows how to work in a farm. Stay here. Oh, what a misfortune" she sighed.
"When my husband will find out, he would be capable of killing all of us…"
She moved away in a hurry sighing and pulling her hair for the anguish.
He sat on the grass and decided to wait for her return. He undestood that the woman may have wanted him to be there because she was afraid of her husband. It was October and the day was warm and sunny.
In front of the hamlet, along the road, there was a chapel. A country artist had painted Maria with the Child, surrounded by varied domestic animals: cows, goats, horses, courtyard animals."
Anthony knelt in front of the chapel. He hid his face with his hands and began to pray. He said:
"Help them, Holiest Mother. Pay them back for the hospitality they offer me. Let them find what they have lost. They are poor people. Often man looses something which he believes many other things depend from what he looses… We are only but men… Your son said that when the shepherd lost one of his sheep, he leaves all the others and goes in search of the one which is missing. So precious He judges it to be... And he calls a good shepherd such a shepherd. And He didn’t blame the woman that having lost a drachma, abandoned all that she had to do and searched for what she had lost... I feel an unknown happiness. I feel that only now I understand what it is... She looked so afflicted... She doesn’t even want that I work in exchange of the food that she promised me... Allow my gratitude to be the pay back of her good act..."
Then he came back to the paddock and laid down on the ground supporting his head on his hands. He was very hungry, but he didn’t think about his appetite. The only thing that he could do, was seeing the crying woman in front of himself. That cow must have been all the wealth of those people. He sighed once again towards the Virgin that he venerated as a Virgin conceived without sin.
It was by now dark when he was awoken by a cheerful shouting. A small group of people entered the paddock bringing back the found cow. The cow at the sight of the house mooed of happiness. That provoked new shouting of joy. A young boy, undoubtfully the one that had been hit because he had not guarded the cow well, was dancing together with a young girl just a little younger than him.
The chatter lasted for a long time. They sang, they talked and they ate till very late. Anthony, with the conviction that nobody would have brought anything, wound himself up on the cold grass, he entwined as he could in his miserable habit and tried to fall asleep.
He was awoken by the coolness of the dawn. His habit was soaking of dew. He knew that he couldn’t fall asleep again. He stood up, he approached the small chapel. In reciting the morning prayers he didn’t forget to be thankful because his request had been granted. When he returned to the place that he had slept he saw the woman coming out from the house.
"Oh, poor man." She said.
"We’ve completely forgotten about you, last night. You know: the cow has been found. They were all so happy. It got completely out of my head that you were ditched here and that I had promised you food. Here it is. I brought you a cup of milk just milked and a dish of corn-meal mush..."
"May God bless you, woman. Is there any work for me now?" The woman laughed showing her sparkling candid teeth. Yesterday, while she was crying, she seemed to him not so young. Now he saw that she was young and beautiful.
"Eat, eat" she said.
"You will bring three buckets of water, it will be enough. The boy was stupid, however as soon as I hit him he re-achieved his understanding..."
Chapter 16
Anthony returned to Montepaolo, but a week had not gone by when the news arrived that Friar Graziano had instructions for Friar Ildefonso. Anthony was called. Ildefonso sat on a stump between the caves and stared at Anthony for a long time. He eventually said:
Chapter 16
"You have deceived me, Friar Anthony..."
"I wouldn’t dare."
"Yet you haven’t said everything about yourself. I thought: 'Here is a devout Friar. He has even received the orders. But he doesn`t say anything, he doesn`t distinguish himself in anything...'"
"It is so."
"Well, well. You can say what you want, but you really showed to Dominicans that you belong with them and not with us."
"I am a Friar minor and I intend to stay this way till the end of my life."
"That is admirably, Friar Anthony. I have to say, however, that amongst us there are no preachers such as yourself. I do not know what Friar Minister has in mind for you, but he wants to see you at the Porziuncola as soon as possible. I am certain he wants to discuss your future with you. Go Friar Anthony, without any delay, and may our Lord protect you. I have the feeling that you will not come back between us."
Anthony travelled alone. He walked along the farm roads. He crossed Arezzo and Perugia. Once again it was unknown to him what would happen. Nevertheless he walked lightly. He had in fact done nothing to change his decision. He had received an order and was adhering to it with undeniable obedience. Perhaps this was the time to understand what God had in mind for him. Was he going to be ordered to leave Francis` order? Or, would he be stopped in delivering homilies?
In the past in the decisive moments of his life he remembered to be worried and tormented. Many times he questioned himself if he had behaved according to God`s will. He was perennially looking for the mistakes in his behaviour. Now, it was different. He was taken by a strange carefreeness, except that in his heart he had developed happiness which was not so consistent with his nature. He almost wanted to sing just as the Friars would sing similar to garrulus happy-go-lucky sparrows. He stopped in the villages, as Friars would do, to ask for food in exchange of some farm duties. The village people gave gladly bread and cereals, and when he asked to do some work, they limited themselves to smile.
"Eh, friar, you are rather thin" they were saying.
"It is better that you rest, seeing that you still have a long way to go."
One day he met a woman that ran in front of her house as in prey of desperation. Her black hair was covering her face, her mouth was trembling. Seeing her so much in anxiety he wanted to move away from the gate, look for food elsewhere. But the woman held him back.
"Wait, friar. Certainly you must be here because you are hungry."
"I have come to beg. But I see, woman, that you are worried about something, So I do not want to disturb you."
"Ah, something very bac happened..."
"What happened?"
"We lost a cow. It was in the pasture, the boy was looking after it. But he went somewhere. And in the meantime the cow vanished. Was it stolen? Perhaps it was attacked by the wolfs, torn into pieces and carried into the bush. A real misfortune. How are we going to survive without the cow? I have small children... The boy has been hit with a baton and he went to look for it. I am going as well ... But you stay here and wait. When I will come back I will give you something to eat."
"May God bless you, woman... Perhaps I could do something in change of this food, be useful in something?" The woman made only a sign of denial with her hand, and said:
"How could you possibly help me? You don’t look as someone who knows how to work in a farm. Stay here. Oh, what a misfortune" she sighed.
"When my husband will find out, he would be capable of killing all of us…"
She moved away in a hurry sighing and pulling her hair for the anguish.
He sat on the grass and decided to wait for her return. He undestood that the woman may have wanted him to be there because she was afraid of her husband. It was October and the day was warm and sunny.
In front of the hamlet, along the road, there was a chapel. A country artist had painted Maria with the Child, surrounded by varied domestic animals: cows, goats, horses, courtyard animals."
Anthony knelt in front of the chapel. He hid his face with his hands and began to pray. He said:
"Help them, Holiest Mother. Pay them back for the hospitality they offer me. Let them find what they have lost. They are poor people. Often man looses something which he believes many other things depend from what he looses… We are only but men… Your son said that when the shepherd lost one of his sheep, he leaves all the others and goes in search of the one which is missing. So precious He judges it to be... And he calls a good shepherd such a shepherd. And He didn’t blame the woman that having lost a drachma, abandoned all that she had to do and searched for what she had lost... I feel an unknown happiness. I feel that only now I understand what it is... She looked so afflicted... She doesn’t even want that I work in exchange of the food that she promised me... Allow my gratitude to be the pay back of her good act..."
Then he came back to the paddock and laid down on the ground supporting his head on his hands. He was very hungry, but he didn’t think about his appetite. The only thing that he could do, was seeing the crying woman in front of himself. That cow must have been all the wealth of those people. He sighed once again towards the Virgin that he venerated as a Virgin conceived without sin.
It was by now dark when he was awoken by a cheerful shouting. A small group of people entered the paddock bringing back the found cow. The cow at the sight of the house mooed of happiness. That provoked new shouting of joy. A young boy, undoubtfully the one that had been hit because he had not guarded the cow well, was dancing together with a young girl just a little younger than him.
The chatter lasted for a long time. They sang, they talked and they ate till very late. Anthony, with the conviction that nobody would have brought anything, wound himself up on the cold grass, he entwined as he could in his miserable habit and tried to fall asleep.
He was awoken by the coolness of the dawn. His habit was soaking of dew. He knew that he couldn’t fall asleep again. He stood up, he approached the small chapel. In reciting the morning prayers he didn’t forget to be thankful because his request had been granted. When he returned to the place that he had slept he saw the woman coming out from the house.
"Oh, poor man." She said.
"We’ve completely forgotten about you, last night. You know: the cow has been found. They were all so happy. It got completely out of my head that you were ditched here and that I had promised you food. Here it is. I brought you a cup of milk just milked and a dish of corn-meal mush..."
"May God bless you, woman. Is there any work for me now?" The woman laughed showing her sparkling candid teeth. Yesterday, while she was crying, she seemed to him not so young. Now he saw that she was young and beautiful.
"Eat, eat" she said.
"You will bring three buckets of water, it will be enough. The boy was stupid, however as soon as I hit him he re-achieved his understanding..."
