The Monastery of the regular canonicals, near the Church of the Holy Virgin and of St. Vincent martyr, was founded during the siege of Lisbon. King Alfonso wanted the religious to pray for the knights in struggle, and for those that had fallen in battle. The parish Priest of the Church was at the same time Prior of the Monastery and of the novices. Along with the crusade had arrived many English ecclesiastics and since then, the English Priests continued to guide both Church and Monastery. At that stage Father Conway was the parish Priest.
In the side aisle of the Church one could see the tombs of the fallen knights, and between them there was the tomb of Joaquim Buglione. By his grandfather sepulchre Fernando used to pray. Since he had become a novice he could come by the sepulchre daily.
Before he came to the Monastery, he had attended for a year or so the Cathedral school. He had studied rhetoric, grammar, dialectic, and Latin. He had also received ecclesiastical music and singing lessons.
In the cold boundaries of the Cathedral the boys took also part at the ecclesiastical functions. They carried the decorations, they rang the bells, and they sang. At the end of the lessons they would come out skipping about and shouting at the top of their voices in the open space in front of the Cathedral darted by the sun. They would disperse themselves running on the green and flowery pathways of the city.
Instead of re-entering home, most of the times they would go towards the harbour.
This was a place that exercised a particular attraction. Here, the youth could see the marketing ships, coming from different parts of the world that unloaded unknown merchandise.
The movement in the harbour was enormous. There docked, coming from the North, English, Flemish and Danish, carracks and killer whales. Close to them appeared the slender Moorish junks. Since, even though the war with Islam continued and the consignments towards the South were following one another to inflict the extreme hit to the kingdom of the Almohadi by now at the end, commerce with the Afro-Muslim countries of the Sahel didn't stop to flourish.
At the harbour all appeared interesting, coloured and happy.
The sailors that disembarked on the dry land were expected by numerous taverns, and in there, by wine and girls. Cackles, proclamations and music echoed from the opened doors from morning till late at night.
The Priests in the Cathedral warned young people not to go to the harbour. Such warning, however, were taking little effect. The harbour atmosphere was exercising a strong attraction. The city population, that was enriching itself thanks to the commerce, didn’t distinguish itself for moderation. There were too many traditions dating back to the epoch of the Arabic dominion. Already, then, despite the protests of the authorities, the Christians supplied the market with big quantities of wine, and when the ordinance to destroy the vineyards was issued, the youth, both Christian and Muslim, quenched their thirst with fig juice and fermented honey.
In the last decades of the Arabic dominion, the country had slipped in a condition of the customs big decadence. The youth didn’t confine to drink only, but to smoke hashish as well.
In the youths’ life had infiltrated licentiousness. The prostitution flourished both for woman and for boys. The poets sang about it, in their compositions. There were collective baths, the so-called hamani, whilst the pious nocturnal rituals unwound themselves in the cemeteries, and were ending in dissolute fun.
The domination of the Arabs had finished; nevertheless the customs had not changed. The church appeals were in vain. In the city reigned songs of joy, rhythmic dances at the sound of the castanets, the music of violas, flutes and tambourines.
The center of this life was the harbour and the surrounding alleys. Here innumerable temptations laid a trap for young people. Even in the day time, the little group of boys were pushed by prostitutes that wandered in swarms, whilst the more attractive boys were receiving proposals by bearded merchants.
Usually they reacted to the molestations with chaste giggles, but there were those who separated themselves from their companions to surrender at the flattening proposals.
Fernando had gone many times to the harbour with his friends. He had come back upset. Because of his ardent nature, it was not easy to defend himself from temptations. He made the decision not to go to the harbour any longer. But it was not possible to placate the excited imagination. Enticing images would appear in his thoughts, tormenting him during his sleep. He didn`t know how to escape from them. He found them even in his house. They seemed to filter through the walls.
Fernando`s father, the knight Martin Buglione, was not at home. Some months before he had left for Calatrava, where the lord of Castile was gathering an army to carry out a new attack. The good, and devoted lady Mary was not capable to look after the youth that swarmed in the house Buglione. Fernando had four brothers and two sisters. In the house of don Martin sojourned also numerous cousins. The servants helped willingly the young people to organise parties.
When Fernando was younger, his precocious desire of serving God had revealed itself in the desire of becoming a knight, ready to shed his blood for the faith. But such a desire wasn’t easy to be realised since he had very poor health and was often ill. Because of this he was his mother`s favourite who, more than ones explained to him that God can be served in many ways, and that he could serve him through knowledge.
"The Church," she was explaining to the son "needs great educators such as Saint Augustin and Saint Ambrogio. Your teachers are praising you because you are the cleverest in every thing. If you follow this way you can become a wise man as those great men that, as much as I heard, lead disputes in Paris and defend the purity of the Holy teaching…"
In reality, he was attracted by his studies. The Holy Scripture attracted him particularly, words of which he could have listened forever and ever. At the same time he kept alive within himself the desire to die for his faith.
"Hadn’t the Saint Bishop of Uppsala, Henry, been killed while he was converting the Finnish populations?" he thought at times,
"Hadn’t the Archbishop of Canterbury received death by the hand of his own King?"
So there was another way to do God`s will and even die for this. It seemed to Fernando that science was important and vital. A man of science could deliver better homilies and could reach crowds and crowds of people.
This ardent desire to serve God kept Fernando far from his friends. He was looking for friends that, as him, wanted to die for Christ. That is why and how he developed a great friendship with Berardo. He too was a descendant of knights, even if lesser famous than the Buglione’s. In the Cathedral school Berardo enjoyed the fame of being lesser endowed than Fernando. He distinguished himself however for the laboriousness and his perseverance in the studies.
When their senses woke up, in the two friends there revealed deep differences. Berardo lived the period of adolescence in a calmer way, instead for Fernando had arrived a phase of big turmoil.
The temptations besieged him from every side. While fighting against them, he arrived to the conviction that only by keeping himself apart, by removing himself from enjoyments, he could protect himself. However even this was not enough. What he heard, even from far away, was tormenting his peace. He was finally persuaded that the only salvation was to take refuge in the Monastery. He decided to enter the order of the canonicals regular.
His decision was not accepted by his brother Alonsol, that in absence of his father he had the role of head of the house.
"As the head of the family, I will not accept your decision." declared Alonso. He was ten years older than Fernando. Alonso had not accompanied the father on the crusade because he was still not well for the wound he had achieved a year earlier while in battle. He had a proud and inflexible nature.
"Our mother told me that you want to become a learned clergyman. It is not a bad idea. With your ill health you are not cut to be a knight. However you are part of the Buglione`s family and because of this you need to occupy a position worthy of your house. You won't get similar position if you will enter the order. Who could you possibly become after have finished the canonical studies? Parish priest of a farm Church! It is not this the future for an offspring of the Buglione`s family. I will ask advice to the reverend Bishop about the place in which you should study. In the meantime you will remain home."
Fernando listened to these words with a bowed head. He was discouraged for the categorical tone of his brother. He had never been able to be in agreement with Alonso.
He remained at home. But just here appeared a new temptation. It resembled Emily, his cousin. Her father, a knight of Braganza remaining a widower, had left along with Fernando`s father for Calatrava. Non wanting to leave his only child alone in the castle, he had entrusted her to the protection of lady Maria. The thirteen year old Emily distinguished herself for her beauty, something of which she was well aware for the fact that, because she had been brought up amidst men, she had heard from them every kind of compliments. That had made her a little flirt. As soon as she found herself in the house of the Buglione she experimented her ability on Fernando.
Fernando tried not to notice the blandishments of the girl. Her company annoyed him; he didn’t know what to talk about with her. By keeping himself far from friends, brothers, and sisters, he was not versed for fashionable conversations. However Emily had no intention of letting him escape from her little nails.
"Why are you hiding yourself?" she asked after having found him in his refuge.
"I am bored, Fernando. I want that you entertain me."
"Forgive me, but I am not capable."
"You can, you can. Let`s talk."
"What should we talk about? You certainly have heard that I have to enter the Monastery."
"The Monastery? How interesting. You want to close yourself in a cell?"
"I want to study the Holy books..."
"And because of this you do not take part at the feasts?"
"Yes."
"In our castle, there are some ecclesiastics that do not stay aside at all. They happily converse, they participate in the singing, and they drink and enjoy their drinks. Instead you are sad and stay away from people. While I am here, I want you to stay close to me. I want that you distract me by conversing. And you can`t stay like this with such a gloomy face."
She didn't remove her black eyes look from him. He lowered instinctively his eyes. But the timidity did not go away. He understood that the girl, from whom he was trying to run away, had started to please him. He tried once again to relieve himself:
"I believe that here, there are ways in which you can have your fun. There are many young people. You will find someone more enjoyable than myself."
"I want you to stay with me." They sat on a bench. Having noticed that the palm of the boy was placed open on his knee, she touched it with her finger.
"Catch me!" she exclaimed. He closed the hand, but her finger was faster and he wasn’t able to catch it.
"Once again" she imposed. Open your hand" She touched it again with her finger. "Catch me!" She hit her little foot on the ground.
"Catch me or I will be offended."
He tried once again to catch her finger, but she was faster than he was.
"You are an incapable man." She burst laughing.
"But we will continue like this until you will catch me."
In vain however Fernando tried to catch her. She was exhilarated. During the game she had drawn closer to him. Her ringed hair from time to time had touched his cheek. At the end she let him capture her.
"This is enough." she said.
"Now I am going away. But remember what I have told you: I want you stay always close to me."
When the girl went away, he tried in vain to return to his previous thoughts. He didn’t recover the peace lost. He became excited. He ran away from the castle, he went out of the city, in the meadow between the oaks of cork where at times he used to meet with Berardo. He threw himself on the ground.
"Oh Christ,” he wailed "help me."
Now he knew that he was in love with the girl. All the formulated intentions till that moment had fallen in front of this, so as it crumbles an incinerated log by the fire. By now, he wasn’t able to imagine of living without that girl, without serving her as competes to a knight, without listening along with her, hand in hand, the chants of the troubadors.
The dreams swamped him, similar to a sudden cloud on the mountains that fall on the wayfarer, would envelop and imprison him.
He was able to understand even another thing: the feelings that had pervaded him during the childish game that the girl had imposed to him were not only dreams. He was also feeling that passion from which he was trying so hard to escape. He was more and more persuaded that in the sweet fruit there was hidden an insidious caterpillar.
Desperate ideas were passing through his head. He understood that to win the newborn desire he had to reject the newborn love. It returned to his memory the proposals that he had made, here, on this clearing, many times. He could not delude Jesus to whom he has consecrated his life.
He came back at the castle while dusk was falling. He entered silently the house echoing of music and of the voice of youth in feast. It seemed to him that he could hear among those sounds Emily’s recall and laughter. He bit his lips till it hurt. When he arrived in his room, he was gasping for breath, as if he had been in a weary run. He shut the door and threw himself on his bed. He wasn’t able to fall asleep. That night he was not able to sleep at all. At dawn he stealed out from his house. He reached the Monastery of the canonicals: father Conway was celebrating the Mass. After he assisted at the Mass, Fernando went in the sacristy.
Conway greeted him cordially:
"Fernando? I am pleased that you ran so early to pray. What news you bring me? You are a bit pale, it seems that you are trembling. Has anything happened to you?" Fernando threw himself at Conway’ feet.
"Father, I beg you... Welcome me in the Monastery..."
"Get up my dear. Certainly I will welcome you, as soon as you will have your father’s consent."
"My father is not here. Alonso decides about every thing. But he opposes to this."
"Your father will come back from the expedition and I have the hope that he will not refuse his consent."
"However I can no longer wait... I can’t father! I can't continue to remain in that house..."
"Why, boy? Come I will confess you. You will tell me everything. Then we will meditate on what we should do..."
He sat on a bench in which were placed the liturgical hangings. Fernando knelt at his feet. When he exposed his problems, Conway assented with his head.
"I understand... What you are living is a common problem between all the boys of your age. Maybe you are feeling it in a more acute and intense way... But if you have the intention to serve God in the Monastery, there is the need to cut short with these nostalgias as soon as possible. I cannot welcome you without your father’s consent, but I will keep you here with us. I will say that it is necessary for us to observe you so that we can express our opinion in regard to your attitude and your character. I will send one of the Father to your mother... She is a pious woman. I hope that she will be able to dissuade Alonso from undertaking an unwise step. I am certain that she will support you...
Chapter 3
The Monastery of the regular canonicals, near the Church of the Holy Virgin and of St. Vincent martyr, was founded during the siege of Lisbon. King Alfonso wanted the religious to pray for the knights in struggle, and for those that had fallen in battle. The parish Priest of the Church was at the same time Prior of the Monastery and of the novices. Along with the crusade had arrived many English ecclesiastics and since then, the English Priests continued to guide both Church and Monastery. At that stage Father Conway was the parish Priest.
In the side aisle of the Church one could see the tombs of the fallen knights, and between them there was the tomb of Joaquim Buglione. By his grandfather sepulchre Fernando used to pray. Since he had become a novice he could come by the sepulchre daily.
Before he came to the Monastery, he had attended for a year or so the Cathedral school. He had studied rhetoric, grammar, dialectic, and Latin. He had also received ecclesiastical music and singing lessons.
In the cold boundaries of the Cathedral the boys took also part at the ecclesiastical functions. They carried the decorations, they rang the bells, and they sang. At the end of the lessons they would come out skipping about and shouting at the top of their voices in the open space in front of the Cathedral darted by the sun. They would disperse themselves running on the green and flowery pathways of the city.
Instead of re-entering home, most of the times they would go towards the harbour.
This was a place that exercised a particular attraction. Here, the youth could see the marketing ships, coming from different parts of the world that unloaded unknown merchandise.
The movement in the harbour was enormous. There docked, coming from the North, English, Flemish and Danish, carracks and killer whales. Close to them appeared the slender Moorish junks. Since, even though the war with Islam continued and the consignments towards the South were following one another to inflict the extreme hit to the kingdom of the Almohadi by now at the end, commerce with the Afro-Muslim countries of the Sahel didn't stop to flourish.
At the harbour all appeared interesting, coloured and happy.
The sailors that disembarked on the dry land were expected by numerous taverns, and in there, by wine and girls. Cackles, proclamations and music echoed from the opened doors from morning till late at night.
The Priests in the Cathedral warned young people not to go to the harbour. Such warning, however, were taking little effect. The harbour atmosphere was exercising a strong attraction. The city population, that was enriching itself thanks to the commerce, didn’t distinguish itself for moderation. There were too many traditions dating back to the epoch of the Arabic dominion. Already, then, despite the protests of the authorities, the Christians supplied the market with big quantities of wine, and when the ordinance to destroy the vineyards was issued, the youth, both Christian and Muslim, quenched their thirst with fig juice and fermented honey.
In the last decades of the Arabic dominion, the country had slipped in a condition of the customs big decadence. The youth didn’t confine to drink only, but to smoke hashish as well.
In the youths’ life had infiltrated licentiousness. The prostitution flourished both for woman and for boys. The poets sang about it, in their compositions. There were collective baths, the so-called hamani, whilst the pious nocturnal rituals unwound themselves in the cemeteries, and were ending in dissolute fun.
The domination of the Arabs had finished; nevertheless the customs had not changed. The church appeals were in vain. In the city reigned songs of joy, rhythmic dances at the sound of the castanets, the music of violas, flutes and tambourines.
The center of this life was the harbour and the surrounding alleys. Here innumerable temptations laid a trap for young people. Even in the day time, the little group of boys were pushed by prostitutes that wandered in swarms, whilst the more attractive boys were receiving proposals by bearded merchants.
Usually they reacted to the molestations with chaste giggles, but there were those who separated themselves from their companions to surrender at the flattening proposals.
Fernando had gone many times to the harbour with his friends. He had come back upset. Because of his ardent nature, it was not easy to defend himself from temptations. He made the decision not to go to the harbour any longer. But it was not possible to placate the excited imagination. Enticing images would appear in his thoughts, tormenting him during his sleep. He didn`t know how to escape from them. He found them even in his house. They seemed to filter through the walls.
Fernando`s father, the knight Martin Buglione, was not at home. Some months before he had left for Calatrava, where the lord of Castile was gathering an army to carry out a new attack. The good, and devoted lady Mary was not capable to look after the youth that swarmed in the house Buglione. Fernando had four brothers and two sisters. In the house of don Martin sojourned also numerous cousins. The servants helped willingly the young people to organise parties.
When Fernando was younger, his precocious desire of serving God had revealed itself in the desire of becoming a knight, ready to shed his blood for the faith. But such a desire wasn’t easy to be realised since he had very poor health and was often ill. Because of this he was his mother`s favourite who, more than ones explained to him that God can be served in many ways, and that he could serve him through knowledge.
"The Church," she was explaining to the son "needs great educators such as Saint Augustin and Saint Ambrogio. Your teachers are praising you because you are the cleverest in every thing. If you follow this way you can become a wise man as those great men that, as much as I heard, lead disputes in Paris and defend the purity of the Holy teaching…"
In reality, he was attracted by his studies. The Holy Scripture attracted him particularly, words of which he could have listened forever and ever. At the same time he kept alive within himself the desire to die for his faith.
"Hadn’t the Saint Bishop of Uppsala, Henry, been killed while he was converting the Finnish populations?" he thought at times,
"Hadn’t the Archbishop of Canterbury received death by the hand of his own King?"
So there was another way to do God`s will and even die for this. It seemed to Fernando that science was important and vital. A man of science could deliver better homilies and could reach crowds and crowds of people.
This ardent desire to serve God kept Fernando far from his friends. He was looking for friends that, as him, wanted to die for Christ. That is why and how he developed a great friendship with Berardo. He too was a descendant of knights, even if lesser famous than the Buglione’s. In the Cathedral school Berardo enjoyed the fame of being lesser endowed than Fernando. He distinguished himself however for the laboriousness and his perseverance in the studies.
When their senses woke up, in the two friends there revealed deep differences. Berardo lived the period of adolescence in a calmer way, instead for Fernando had arrived a phase of big turmoil.
The temptations besieged him from every side. While fighting against them, he arrived to the conviction that only by keeping himself apart, by removing himself from enjoyments, he could protect himself. However even this was not enough. What he heard, even from far away, was tormenting his peace. He was finally persuaded that the only salvation was to take refuge in the Monastery. He decided to enter the order of the canonicals regular.
His decision was not accepted by his brother Alonsol, that in absence of his father he had the role of head of the house.
"As the head of the family, I will not accept your decision." declared Alonso. He was ten years older than Fernando. Alonso had not accompanied the father on the crusade because he was still not well for the wound he had achieved a year earlier while in battle. He had a proud and inflexible nature.
"Our mother told me that you want to become a learned clergyman. It is not a bad idea. With your ill health you are not cut to be a knight. However you are part of the Buglione`s family and because of this you need to occupy a position worthy of your house. You won't get similar position if you will enter the order. Who could you possibly become after have finished the canonical studies? Parish priest of a farm Church! It is not this the future for an offspring of the Buglione`s family. I will ask advice to the reverend Bishop about the place in which you should study. In the meantime you will remain home."
Fernando listened to these words with a bowed head. He was discouraged for the categorical tone of his brother. He had never been able to be in agreement with Alonso.
He remained at home. But just here appeared a new temptation. It resembled Emily, his cousin. Her father, a knight of Braganza remaining a widower, had left along with Fernando`s father for Calatrava. Non wanting to leave his only child alone in the castle, he had entrusted her to the protection of lady Maria. The thirteen year old Emily distinguished herself for her beauty, something of which she was well aware for the fact that, because she had been brought up amidst men, she had heard from them every kind of compliments. That had made her a little flirt. As soon as she found herself in the house of the Buglione she experimented her ability on Fernando.
Fernando tried not to notice the blandishments of the girl. Her company annoyed him; he didn’t know what to talk about with her. By keeping himself far from friends, brothers, and sisters, he was not versed for fashionable conversations. However Emily had no intention of letting him escape from her little nails.
"Why are you hiding yourself?" she asked after having found him in his refuge.
"I am bored, Fernando. I want that you entertain me."
"Forgive me, but I am not capable."
"You can, you can. Let`s talk."
"What should we talk about? You certainly have heard that I have to enter the Monastery."
"The Monastery? How interesting. You want to close yourself in a cell?"
"I want to study the Holy books..."
"And because of this you do not take part at the feasts?"
"Yes."
"In our castle, there are some ecclesiastics that do not stay aside at all. They happily converse, they participate in the singing, and they drink and enjoy their drinks. Instead you are sad and stay away from people. While I am here, I want you to stay close to me. I want that you distract me by conversing. And you can`t stay like this with such a gloomy face."
She didn't remove her black eyes look from him. He lowered instinctively his eyes. But the timidity did not go away. He understood that the girl, from whom he was trying to run away, had started to please him. He tried once again to relieve himself:
"I believe that here, there are ways in which you can have your fun. There are many young people. You will find someone more enjoyable than myself."
"I want you to stay with me." They sat on a bench. Having noticed that the palm of the boy was placed open on his knee, she touched it with her finger.
"Catch me!" she exclaimed. He closed the hand, but her finger was faster and he wasn’t able to catch it.
"Once again" she imposed. Open your hand" She touched it again with her finger. "Catch me!" She hit her little foot on the ground.
"Catch me or I will be offended."
He tried once again to catch her finger, but she was faster than he was.
"You are an incapable man." She burst laughing.
"But we will continue like this until you will catch me."
In vain however Fernando tried to catch her. She was exhilarated. During the game she had drawn closer to him. Her ringed hair from time to time had touched his cheek. At the end she let him capture her.
"This is enough." she said.
"Now I am going away. But remember what I have told you: I want you stay always close to me."
When the girl went away, he tried in vain to return to his previous thoughts. He didn’t recover the peace lost. He became excited. He ran away from the castle, he went out of the city, in the meadow between the oaks of cork where at times he used to meet with Berardo. He threw himself on the ground.
"Oh Christ,” he wailed "help me."
Now he knew that he was in love with the girl. All the formulated intentions till that moment had fallen in front of this, so as it crumbles an incinerated log by the fire. By now, he wasn’t able to imagine of living without that girl, without serving her as competes to a knight, without listening along with her, hand in hand, the chants of the troubadors.
The dreams swamped him, similar to a sudden cloud on the mountains that fall on the wayfarer, would envelop and imprison him.
He was able to understand even another thing: the feelings that had pervaded him during the childish game that the girl had imposed to him were not only dreams. He was also feeling that passion from which he was trying so hard to escape. He was more and more persuaded that in the sweet fruit there was hidden an insidious caterpillar.
Desperate ideas were passing through his head. He understood that to win the newborn desire he had to reject the newborn love. It returned to his memory the proposals that he had made, here, on this clearing, many times. He could not delude Jesus to whom he has consecrated his life.
He came back at the castle while dusk was falling. He entered silently the house echoing of music and of the voice of youth in feast. It seemed to him that he could hear among those sounds Emily’s recall and laughter. He bit his lips till it hurt. When he arrived in his room, he was gasping for breath, as if he had been in a weary run. He shut the door and threw himself on his bed. He wasn’t able to fall asleep. That night he was not able to sleep at all. At dawn he stealed out from his house. He reached the Monastery of the canonicals: father Conway was celebrating the Mass. After he assisted at the Mass, Fernando went in the sacristy.
Conway greeted him cordially:
"Fernando? I am pleased that you ran so early to pray. What news you bring me? You are a bit pale, it seems that you are trembling. Has anything happened to you?" Fernando threw himself at Conway’ feet.
"Father, I beg you... Welcome me in the Monastery..."
"Get up my dear. Certainly I will welcome you, as soon as you will have your father’s consent."
"My father is not here. Alonso decides about every thing. But he opposes to this."
"Your father will come back from the expedition and I have the hope that he will not refuse his consent."
"However I can no longer wait... I can’t father! I can't continue to remain in that house..."
"Why, boy? Come I will confess you. You will tell me everything. Then we will meditate on what we should do..."
He sat on a bench in which were placed the liturgical hangings. Fernando knelt at his feet. When he exposed his problems, Conway assented with his head.
"I understand... What you are living is a common problem between all the boys of your age. Maybe you are feeling it in a more acute and intense way... But if you have the intention to serve God in the Monastery, there is the need to cut short with these nostalgias as soon as possible. I cannot welcome you without your father’s consent, but I will keep you here with us. I will say that it is necessary for us to observe you so that we can express our opinion in regard to your attitude and your character. I will send one of the Father to your mother... She is a pious woman. I hope that she will be able to dissuade Alonso from undertaking an unwise step. I am certain that she will support you...
