The Ha Ha Page

Some Interesting Potential Mergers.....

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
3. 3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
4. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
5. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
6. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
7. Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine All Mine.
8. Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
9. 3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney Opera.
10. Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become Knott NOW!

15 Ways to Confuse Your Roomate

1. Sit up. Say 'Time to make the donuts.' Leave. Do this often.
2. Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the door and look relieved.
3. Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.
4. Pick up the phone every five minutes and say, 'hello.' Look confused and hang up.
5. Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate away.
6. When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.
7. Address your roomate by a different name every time you talk to him or her.
8. Constantly drink from an empty glass.
9. Every time you handle something of your roomate's use a tissue or gloves.
10. While unlocking your door with a key, complain that the engine won't start.
11. Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.
12. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time each day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roomate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
13. Try to make meals using your roomate's electric blanket.
14. Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roomate's pictures. Complain that they were staring at you.
15. Every time your roomate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."

21 Things to do at Wal-Mart while you're waiting for your 1-hour Photos

(Thanks go to Anglea for sending me this forward!)

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
4. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
6. Put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
7. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
8. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
9. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
10. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
11. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon vs. the X-Men.
12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
13. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
14. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
15. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
17. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
18. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
19. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume "It's those voices again!"
20. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
21. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey,we're out of toilet paper in here!"

We have all learned to live with voicemail as a necessary part of modern life. But have you wondered, what if God decided to install voice mail? (thanks go to Christi for this fwd)

Imagine praying and hearing this-

Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options-

Press 1 for Requests

Press 2 for Thanksgiving

Press 3 for Complaints

Press 4 for All Other Inquires

What if God used the familiar excuse 'I'm sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other sinners right now? However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received, so please stay on the line.'

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in Prayer-

If you would like to speak to:

Gabriel, Press 1

For Michael, Press 2

For a directory of other Angels, Press 3

If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding please Press 4.

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her Social Security number, then press the pound key. (If you get a negative response, try area code 666).

For reservations at "My Father's House" please enter J-O-H-N followed by 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.

Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow. This office is closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again Monday after 9:30 AM.

If you need emergency assistance when this office is closed, contact your local pastor.

Literally? THANK GOD, HE DOESN'T HAVE VOICE MAIL AND HE LISTENS WHEN WE PRAY!

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