He sat at the piano, his only refuge. Normally it was so easy for him. The notes just seemed to flow out of his fingers completely out of control. But, today was different; nothing was coming to him to play. So, he just sat there quietly and gently stroked the keys. There was nothing else to do, he couldn’t go upstairs, the world had fallen and Taylor knew he had to clean it up. He just couldn’t face the mess yet.
He could hear his now, two year-old son in the next room laughing. Zac had had to come over to keep Ezra, the little boy didn’t understand why his mother wouldn’t see him and Taylor couldn’t bare the thought of him leaving the house and something happening to him. So, Zac was keeping him occupied in the living room.
Taylor was startled at the touch of his wife’s soft fingertips as she wrapped her arms around him bringing him roughly away from his thoughts.
“Hey baby, what are you doing out of bed?” he asked her kissing her hand softly then turning around so that he could face her. He almost gasped at the sight of her. He had never seen her look so miserable. Her hair was pressed flatly against her head from many days of neglect and her eyes had no life in them. It was the way she looked at him that made Taylor want to turn away from her. The natural sparkle her eyes normally held was gone.
“I need you,” she said softly.
“Okay, I’m here let’s go back up to bed,” he said standing up and taking her hand.
“No,” she said pulling away from his hand surprising him. “I need to hear you sing. You haven’t sung in so long I miss your voice,” she said tears coming to her eyes.
“Okay sweetie, I’ll sing for you,” he walked back over to the piano and sat on the black bench. He hadn’t been able to play that’s why he hadn’t in so long, but he knew that he must play now. Natalie’s happiness was resting on his piano playing.
He placed his fingers on the keys where he knew they belonged and slowly at first picked out a few notes, then a melody began to form in his head.
He played a slow chord progression then lyrics began to take form, coming to life on his lips and he sang softly.
“Just lay down
He pulled his hands back from the keys and the music stopped abruptly. He heard Natalie turn and run from the room, he had to chase her, and he had to fix her broken heart. He followed her until he reached the doorway of their room, but there he stopped before he entered the door. He wiped away the few tears that had fallen and then he entered.
He found his beloved wife kneeling on the floor in front on the cradle laden with lavender and white. He clenched his teeth and fought the tears and when he was convinced that his eyes were clear enough for her not to notice he walked over to her.
“Natalie, honey, come on sweetie, get up off the floor,” he said taking her hand and pulling her up. “How about I give you a nice hot bath, I’ll wash your hair and I’ll shave your legs for you. Would that be okay if I got you nice and cleaned up?” He asked her pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head softly.
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” she whispered back. He led her into their bathroom and let her sit down easily on the shut toilet lid.
He began to start the bath water and once he had gotten the water at a desirable temperature he turned to Natalie.
“Bubbles?”
“No, thanks,” she answered him back.
“You don’t want anything?” he asked.
“Taylor, can I ask you a question?” she said not answering his question.
“Of course sweetie,” he said turning to face her.
She took his hand in hers and felt the calluses he had gained on the top of his fingers from guitar. She loved his hands, they had so much talent. She loved it when he played his music and she knew that if it weren’t for these fingers there would be no music. There was also another reason why she loved his hands. She had needed so much comfort over the years and only one person had been willing to give it. His hands had held her over and over again; she loved his hands so much.
“Why do you take care of me like this, why are you always there whenever I need you. You always seem to know what I need and when I need it. I just don’t understand how you could sacrifice so much for me,” she said looking away so that her teardrops wouldn’t hit his hands.
“'Cause you know that I love you
He didn’t answer her, because honestly, he didn’t know why he did those things for her. He loved her and he loved their son, he couldn’t dream of his life any other way, but he still didn’t have an answer.
He took her hands and helped her stand up, he began to pull off her clothes, he recognized this scene, but it was different this time, there were no sexual intentions, he was doing this only because he loved her.
He helped her into the bath tub and began to wash her body. He took her long brown hair in his hands and delicately washed it. He knew she was fragile, but he also knew she was strong. But, he still treated her like a porcelain doll.
After he had cleaned her he asked her if she was done, when she replied positively, he pulled the plug in the drain and then helped her stand up. He pulled her towel off of the bar and wrapped it around her and began to dry her off almost like he would’ve dried Ezra.
He dried her off then pulled her nightgown over her head. He then gently took the comb and ran it through her long elegant hair.
He took her hand and led her to their bed when he pulled back the covers and let her get in, she immediately began to cry.
“Honey, I’m sorry,” Taylor said immediately pulling her towards him to comfort him.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to cry, but I’m having so much trouble holding it in,” she said sobbing in his arms.
“Don’t be sorry, you can cry any time you like, it’s always okay to cry in front of me.”
“Just cry out
“Taylor, I don’t understand why you’re here. I mean I’m a woman who has no control over her hormones and I killed your baby, can you actually love someone like this?” He couldn’t believe she had just said that.
“You listen to me. You did not kill our baby… She just wasn’t meant to be in this world, there will be another child in our future, it’s just that God thought she was so perfect that he didn’t think people here on earth could handle her radiance, so he made her an angel instead and we’ll see her in Heaven when we get there,” he didn’t want her to blame herself. He loved her too much to let her delve into this depression that she was letting herself into.
“You don't have to ask me do I love you
As I hold you it shows how much I do
I'm yours until forever is through
Anytime I stand for you
I know I'd lay my life down for you”
“Nat, please promise me one thing,” he asked her as her tears began to slow.
“What’s that?” she asked softly.
“Please, don’t forget that God has already blessed us with another child who misses his mommy. Please don’t replace him with the memory of our daughter,” he asked, terrified his wife would start neglecting their son.
“I’m sorry. I’ll go and get him right now, will you be here when I get back?” she asked taking his hand as she rose off the bed.
“I'll never let
and let your worries sleep
don’t think now
the water is dark and deep…”
and never let go
and you know
that I'll love you forever
I'll love you and never let go
yes I'll love you and never let go”
Yeah I've cried those tears before
I can feel it now
as your teardrops hit the floor”
not ever let go.”
