“Oh my gosh baby, it’s beautiful!” I exclaimed as the bellhop showed up our honeymoon suite at the Fleur de Blanc Inn in Portland. When we walked in we were greeted with the smell of fresh linens and roses and then we saw them. The room was covered with white roses.
“The flowers will be replaced every two days while you are staying with us,” the bellhop said. His nametag read Tony, Zac tipped him, thanked him, and then pulled our luggage into the room on its big cart.
“Compliments of our parents, I guess,” I said looking around at the elegant room.
“Yeah, they felt guilty about not paying for anything so they paid for this together. Thanks guys,” Zac said to someone unknown.
We both just sat down on the bed. I leaned on Zac’s shoulder and he put an arm around me. We were both trying to take it in. In the future when we talked about this moment it turned out that the same questions were running through our heads. “Am I too young for this?” I had turned eighteen in March and Zac wasn’t even eighteen yet. “Am I responsible enough for this?” We both still had trouble getting up when our alarm clock went off in the morning. “Why am I doing this?” The first word that would pop into our heads was always Taylor, but we always seemed to scratch that out and fill it with the word love.
I loved Zac and I definitely wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. As I sat beside him and thought about these questions I also looked around the room.
The room was definitely made for sex and Zac and I were going to play that game and give the room what it wanted. I got up and started moving my luggage to my side of the bed and then I started going through it.
“What’re you looking for?” Zac asked.
“That game,” I answered simply then looked up and smiled mischievously at Zac. He winked back at me and then started to put his luggage away.
He put the luggage cart in the hallway and then put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. He then shut the door.
It was going on eight o’clock so it was started to get dark, that was it, my point, that was when I started to get nervous.
I found the box and unwrapped it. I told Zac to come on and we both sat opposite each other on the big bed. On the box it had “The Ultimate Sex Game” written really big and as my hands were shaking I took off the lid.
Zac grabbed up both of my hands in his and held them and then looked into my eyes.
“Nervous?” he asked me sweetly.
”Yeah, kinda,” I answered sounding like a kid.
“We can wait.”
“No, I would be the same way any other time if we waited, I want to do this.”
“Okay,” Zac said reassuring me with his voice.
“But, only if you want to,” I came back suddenly.
“Dirbee, honey, you’re talking to a guy, of course I want to. Plus, I’m sitting in front of the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m getting ready to play a sex game with her. Baby, let’s do this,” Zac said acting crazy.
“Okay,” I said losing the nervousness.
Zac was reading the instructions to the game to himself and setting it up. While he was doing that I was thinking about what we had discussed about sex. We had decided that we were never going to use any kind of birth control while we were young. It seemed like at late nights during those two weeks Zac and I would plan our future. We said that we were leaving everything up to God.
Zac announced that he had the game ready and he started to explain it.
“Basically Dirb, what it is, is a game where we find out everything about each other before hand. In the box here are just 100 random, personal questions. You ask me the blue ones and I ask you the red ones. You ask the questions and if I answer it then you pit it here in the middle. But, I can deny however many or whichever ones that I want. So, if I deny it you make your own little pile of questions. Depending on how big the pile in the middle is, is how good the sex should be. Then we ask each other the unanswered questions again, if you can answer them you put them in the main pile. And if I can’t answer it you ask me why I won’t answer them. Got it?” Zac finished.
“Yeah, let’s play! You go first,” I said. I wasn’t expecting the questions to be that personal, but I should’ve known better, I mean it was the sex game after all. To prove me wrong the first question was:
”Have you ever pleasured yourself?” Zac asked chuckling. I couldn’t lie to him.
“Yes,” I answered. It was my turn.
“Have you ever watched some kind of porn and been turned of by the star of it?” I questioned Zac.
“Well, of course,” Zac laughed. I threw the card in the middle.
About a half an hour had passed and I was on the last card. Every card so far had gone in the middle.
“Have you ever stolen women’s underwear and worn it?” I asked.
“No, I have three sisters, I can tell how uncomfortable it is,” Zac laughed.
I tossed the card in the middle with the other 99.
“Wow, this better be damn good or Carter is going to need to get her money back,” I said joking.
“It will be,” Zac said coming close and then he started to kiss me. I more than happily kissed him back.
I pushed the game onto the floor as it started to get in the way. I t fell with a loud crash, but we both ignored it. Zac’s hands smoothly slid up my back and he started to unzip my dress. At that moment I pulled back.
“What?” he said kind of annoyed.
“Well, Meredith and I talked about this and I was supposed to slip into something more comfortable. Then I was supposed to take it off myself so that then your jaw would drop,” I was so nervous that for some reason I wanted to stall.
“Dirbee, honey,” Zac said while rolling over, he took my hand in his and laced our fingers together. “My jaw’s been dropping every since the second we met. This isn’t your first time, what are you so nervous about?”
“Well, it’s my first time with you, also tonight you’ll see why I’m so nervous and then we’ll talk about that in the morning,” I answered his questions.
“Okay,” Zac said confused, “But for now, let’s have sex!” Zac exclaimed, sounding like a school-boy.
And we did just that. He found out why I was nervous and when he found it I just muttered:
“Talk about it in the morning.” Then I began to kiss him so that he wouldn’t talk about it.
I would definitely place that night as one of the better nights Zac and I had in our lifetime together. I can honestly say that I was more than happy to fall asleep next to my husband that night.
We were awaken to the sound of knocking at our door the next morning.
“Room service,” someone called out on the other side of the door.
“Zac, get that please,” I said sleepily rolling over. Zac sat up rubbing his eyes.
“One minute,” he called out. He got in his suitcase searching for something and eventually pulled out a robe and tied the rope. He opened the door of the hotel room.
“Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Hanson,” Tony said making me smile into my pillow.
Tony rolled in a cart with steaming food on it.
“We didn’t order this,” Zac said.
“Your family and friends called it,” Tony answered.
Zac walked over to his pant that lay askew over a chair and pulled out his wallet and he tipped the man.
When the bellboy had his money he said,
”You might want to cover her up she looks cold,” he said motioning to me. I just giggled and pulled to covers up, but got Zac defensive which I loved.
“Get out of here!” Zac said loudly and Tony briskly walked out and Zac slammed the door shut on him. “Did I just hear you giggle?” Zac asked amused.
“Shut-up, I’m tired” I grumbled.
Zac sat down on his side of the bed and propped himself up. I moved myself over so that I could cuddle with him. I laid my head on his lap and looking up at him. He laid his hand gently on my neck and started playing with my hair.
“Do you want to tell me abut those scars now?” he finally asked.
I nodded, then got up, put some pajama pants on and an old Hanson tee shirt I had from the Middle of Nowhere days. Then I went and brushed my teeth. When I came back Zac looked impatient.
“Ready now,” he said kind of sarcastically.
“Yes,” I said in the same tone. I cleared my throat and began my story. “Right after my mom died, I got weird. I was actually smoking pot with my pothead friends and taking pills trying to get the nightmares to go away.
“When it wouldn’t go away with drugs, I took up drugs and drinking. I was exactly like Carter, only I still think I had a better reason.
“Then when I couldn’t escape with all that, I tried to escape for real, razor blades to my wrists, neck, stomach, and legs. Massive pill intake, and I had even tried to drown myself, but seconds before I passed out my nose rose about the water.
“Then one day in August I took like twelve Vicodin, and let me tell you, I was so messed up my eyes could’ve been crossed and like I would’ve cared.
“My dad didn’t notice. He invited me to the pool and I already had those awful scars on my legs, but I went anyways. He noticed them and asked what they were from and I told him.
“By then I was stumbling, then I just told him everything even what I had just taken. He took me to the hospital and had my stomach pumped. You don’t know how thankful I am for him taking me to the pool that day.
“Then he figured that I needed some time away from my friends and my problems and school. He sent me down to his mother’s house in North Carolina. She didn’t live around anyone so they didn’t figure I could get a hold of any marijuana.
“My dad told my school that I was going away for two months of rehab. They were sending me my work and I only had to work on school for three hours a day. The rest of the day I had to get straightened out. My grandfather would have devotions with me and my grandmother would let me help her cook, I love cooking.
“But, that’s when I found it… My grandmother practiced guitar theory every day and she’s the best guitarist ever, besides Isaac of course. I loved it and she started teaching me.
“So, I learned guitar, went through withdrawal, but got over it and then came home. I was clean for a year and then started having those dreams again. I felt like I had to get away from the nightmare again. I started everything up again, only this time I was more careful and didn’t get caught.
“Finally I had the perfect plan. Fill the bathtub up, slit my wrists, slip into a warm bath, and drop my plugged-in hair dryer into the water… Electrocution,” at that Zac flinched.
“But, you’ll never guess what changed. During my French class and right before lunch I was called to the office and low and behold who was standing there to become my savior, then best friend, and now husband… You Zac, I really mean it when I say that you saved me. I stopped everything the moment I saw you. That’s one more reason why I love you,” I finished and reached up and kissed him.
“But I still don’t understand why you were nervous,” Zac said confused.
“Those scars are hideous Zac, and plus I was afraid you were going to judge me for those scars and the things that I’ve done,” I admitted.
“Honey, you said yourself that they’re scars, that means they’ve healed and they’re in the past. There’s no need to judge, is that why you wouldn’t let me see you the day that I proposed?”
“Yeah sorry, but you’re saying that you don’t care that I don’t have pretty legs?”
“You have beautiful legs because those scars are apart of you and you are beautiful.”
“Thanks baby, I love you so much. Let’s eat, I’m hungry,” I said as I got up and kissed him once more.
He followed me to the steaming food cart and we both took our plates and drinks over to the table underneath the big window that over-looked the city and a large rose garden. The sun danced on the table through the crystal case filled with white roses. Zac ate hungrily, but I, like always, only ate half of the food on my plate.
“Zac” I got his attention once we had finished eating.
“Can we talk about having kids for a second?”
“Sure Dirb,” Zac said looking at me from across the table.
“Do you want to have kids right away?” I asked.
“Do you?” Zac asked.
”Zac, I don’t want this to be a conflict.”
”Okay, yes I want to have kids right away.”
”How soon is right away?”
“Pretty soon baby, but I guess we can’t say exactly when.”
“Because there’s a problem.”
“What?”
“My family always had trouble having kids notice I’m an only child, I don’t know if it was the men or the women, but what if I can’t have kids.”
“Honey, don’t worry, I’ll not love you any less. But let’s talk about kids anyways. I guess you’ve already picked out their names,” Zac said smiling.
“Don’t worry, I’ve incorporated your family in with it,” I said smiling back at him.
“Okay, if we have a baby and it’s a girl what will her name be?” Zac asked.
“Jordan Aria Hanson and we’ll call her Jordi,” I told him proudly.
“What does Aria mean?” Zac asked.
“Aria is a vocal piece with accompaniment sung in solo, so basically it’s like she’s singing but we’re accompanying her, but it’s still her solo.”
”Ahh… I like it,” Zac said smiling again. “And if we have a boy?”
”Zachary Neil Hanson, after his father and my grandfather. All though we’ll call him Neil because we can’t have two Zac’s and Zachary is just too long for a hyper boy,” I said as I laughed at Zac.
“Oh that’s right I was hyper when I was a kid. Oh you poor, poor woman,” Zac said getting up and coming over to me and hugging me. He was being dramatic, but I liked it. He pulled me out of my seat and started to dance me around the room and I couldn’t stop laughing.
“I’m going to take a shower, join me if you wish,” I told Zac as I grabbed my bag of toiletries and walked into the bathroom.
“Be there in a sec,” Zac said jumping at the opportunity.
I closed the bathroom door behind me. He put the breakfast cart out in the hall and shut and locked the door. He took one of the smaller vases of roses and started to strip them of their petals.
Once he had acquired the amount of petals he felt he needed he moved over to the bed and made it then he pulled back a corner of the blankets. He lightly spread petals from the bathroom door to the bed.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, while I was getting ready to take my shower, I could hear Zac moving around in the room and I wondered what he was doing, but I didn’t ponder it for long. I turned on the shower and got in and lathered up my hair with the shampoo I had brought from home.
About ten minutes late after I had finished cleaning myself I started my normal song routine and there I went singing in the shower.
“Dirbee?” Zac said knocking on the door and making me jump, I wasn’t used to people interrupting my songs.
“Yeah?” I said.
“Can I come in with you?”
“Of course you can!” I said surprised he asked.
“Well, it doesn’t hurt to ask,” he said getting into the shower and switching places with me to get under the water.
“Wow, it’s cold out here away from the water,” I innocently stated.
“Wow, you take hot showers,” Zac said turning around and turning down the water temperature.
“Ahh, hey Zac!” I said playfully hitting his arm.
“I’m just kidding come here,” Zac said as he pulled me into his warm embrace. “I have a surprise for you.”
”Eww… What is it?” I said getting excited.
“Well, then it wouldn’t be a surprise. You’ll just have to wait,” Zac said holding me close.
When he held me like that I felt as if I were protected from every bad thing that would come our way. He would always be there to love, but in the future it wouldn’t be Zac who was doing the protecting.
“Now, I wanna get out and see what it is,” I whined.
“No, you don’t this’ll be much better, or maybe equal,” Zac said as he placed a sweet kiss on my forehead and then on my lips.
“Okay,” I said barely able to speak, for Zac made me speechless.
We made love. That’s what I told my friends later on when they asked about the honeymoon. It’s what they wanted to hear.
When we finally shut off the water to the shower and started to dry off I took my slow, extra time to do my hair and make-up. I loved waiting for surprises.
Zac just waited patiently for me. When I finally opened the bathroom door there was a path of white rose petals leading to my pillow. On my pillow was one, long-stemmed, red rose. And on the stem right under the flower Zac had put a ring.
I slipped the ring off of the stem and looked at Zac just questioning him.
He took the ring from me and took my hand and pulled me over to the window.
“This, Dirbee, is a promise ring. Most boyfriends get them for their girlfriends when they know that their relationship is going somewhere. But, seeing as we were never boyfriend and girlfriend and I think our relationship has definitely gone somewhere, I thought I’d get you one. So, basically Dirb, this is me promising to you that I won’t ever do anything to hurt you. I love you,” Zac finished and slipped the ring on my finger.
“Oh, Zac I love you too. That won’t ever change, please believe me,” I said taking his left hand in my right hand and looking at my new beautiful ring. It had a white gold band, like my other rings, and the stone was purple quartz. It was simple, yet, elegant. I love it, but I loved Zac more.
“Come on let’s go explore Portland as husband and wife,” I said going over to my suitcase and pulling out a pair of jeans.
“Okay.”
That’s how our next two weeks were; just like that, but only too quickly did our last day come. Our last morning in Portland was hectic. If you walked into our room you probably would’ve been able to tell that two teenagers had been staying there, and that one had been a girl.
Clothes had been thrown all over our room in haste to pack. We had an early flight out and our wake-up call was “called in” 15 minutes late. But, we made it with Zac speeding to the airport and with them calling our plane just as we walked into the airport. I wasn’t going to run with all of my luggage and we had to turn in our car keys at the car rental desk. But, somehow we made that plane.
I slept with my head on Zac’s shoulder and he wrote lyrics down in a small notebook that he always had with him. We finally got home and my car was at the airport and someone had cleaned it, right. I’m guessing it was my dad.
We got in and slowly drove home. When we got there, there were already cars in our parking spots so we had to park in a guest spot. I wondered who else was there, I didn’t recognize the car. When we walked in Meredith and Carter were sitting on the couch not watching TV, but talking. It was amazing, they had never gotten along.
“Welcome home guys,” I mimicked startling their deep conversation.
“Oh hey!” they both said looking up and going back to whatever they were talking about. I looked at Zac in confusion. He had the same look on his face; he knew they didn’t get along too.
“We’ve come home to the wrong apartment,” Zac said simply and started to walk out and I willingly followed him.
“Oh hey guys!” Meredith’s voice rang out into the hallway, and we walked back in. “How was your trip?”
”Terrific!” Zac answered. He walked to the refrigerator and pulled out sandwich stuff.
We hadn’t had a chance to eat.
“Want one honey?” Zac asked me.
“Sure, thanks,” I answered noticing that I was hungry.
“No problem.”
While Zac made the sandwiches I sat down next to Carter and Meredith. I held our my hand for them to see my promise ring.
“Sweet!” Carter said loudly, making Zac look up.
“Awwl Dirb! It’s so pretty…” Meredith commented.
“Thanks ya’ll,” I said.
“Dirbee, there’s that word again. You live here with me in Tulsa now, not in Virginia. No more ya’ll,” Zac corrected my southernism (even though they said it in Tulsa) like he had so many times before.
“Yes, sir!” I said sounding like a child.
“Hey Mer, me and Zac have been sharing a bed for two weeks now, want to go in the other room and ask me about it?” I asked making fun of her.
“Sure!” Meredith said as she got up and walked into my old bedroom and sat down on the futon. “So, I guess you’ve done stuff now.”
”Yes ma’am we have.”
“Was it good?”
“Ahh, Meredith… Think about it like this. You’ve been craving this chocolate bar all day and you finally get to go home and take that first bite and it’s the best chocolate you’ve ever had. Then the good thing is that you can keep eating it and you never run our and it only gets better.” I stopped and looked up at her.
“That’s what I wanted to know,” she said and walked out. I just laughed.
I followed her out and Zac was sitting at the round table eating. There was sandwich waiting for me already cut in half. I sat down and smiled at Zac and he just smiled back. I ate the half of the sandwich I thought looked better.
“You gonna eat that?” Zac asked.
“Nope, want it?” I responded.
“Yes, thanks,” Zac said eating my lunch too.
I just sat there and watched him eat. I couldn’t help, but to smile. Throughout the apartment there was an extremely uncomfortable silence. I think that the walls and myself were thanks when the phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey Dirb,” Taylor’s voice answered.
“Oh, hey Taylor,” I said looking at Zac. He just rolled his eyes and slip down in his chair a bit like he was getting ready for the blow.
“Did you guys have a nice time?”
“Yeah, it was great,” I said getting irritated.
“Listen Dirbee, I need to talk to you and Zac. Can you guys come up and have dinner with Natalie and me tomorrow night. It’ll just be us, don’t worry, it’s just that it’s really important and everyone else knows and I want to tell you guys too,” Taylor said his voice sounding sick to me.
“Hold on for one sec Taylor, thanks.” I pulled the phone down and covered the receiver with my hand. “Zac, baby?” Zac looked up. “Taylor wants us to come up tomorrow night and have dinner with him and Natalie. He said he had something important to tell us. Do you want to do that?”
“Sure, whatever,” Zac replied.
“Taylor?” I said into me and Zac’s black phone.
“Yeah.”
”What time should we be there?”
“Six o’clock okay with you guys?”
”Yeah, see you then bye Taylor.”
”See yah Dirb,” Taylor finished and hung up the phone on the other end.
I replaced the phone on its cradle where it belonged and took Zac’s hand and pulled him out of his chair. He willingly walked with me back to my old bedroom.
“I wrote this for you and your feelings,” I said as I picked up my twelve string.
“The sun comes up this morning
I know it’s my turn
It’s my turn to be saved
I’ve prayed for this deliverance
For son long and finally
Today is my day.
But, what do you do
You step out and
Take all of my faith.
Why can’t you just
Stand back for once.
Because it’s my turn
To be saved.
I know your needs require this
More than mine do.
But, I’ve been waiting for so long
Why can’t you just
Step back and let me get saved
For once, just let me get saved.
I hate to do this to you.
But, for once,
I’m going to get saved
Before you.”
I stopped singing and sat the guitar back on its stand.
“You do know what I’m feeling,” Zac said taking my hand.
“I wouldn’t lie to you,” I answered him.
“Thanks, I really take your understanding to heart,” Zac said as tears filled his eyes. I stroked his cheek lightly and kissed him.
That night Zac and I went to bed both of us nervous about what we were going to hear at Taylor’s the next day.
“Zac, it’s going to be okay,” I said as we were driving down the private lane where both Isaac and Taylor’s houses were built.
“I know,” Zac said even though his knuckles were pure white because he was gripping the steering wheel so tight.
We pulled into Taylor’s driveway and Ezra ran out of the house to greet us.
“Uncle Zac! Uncle Zac!” Ezra yelled, jumping into Zac’s arms.
“Hey buddy! What’s up?” Zac said. I just smiled at him, he was going to be a great father.
We walked up to the house and Taylor opened the front door as soon as we reached it.
“Hey Zac,” Taylor said looking so hard at Zac that I knew he was trying to read his expression.
“Hey Tay,” Zac greeted him back and gave him a hug.
He sat Ezra down and he ran off. We walked into Taylor’s house and we were immediately greeted by the smell of something good cooking.
“Mm, something smells good,” I commented.
“Yeah, Natalie’s in the Kitchen,” Taylor told me.
“Thanks,” I said and walked off.
Taylor had a big house and I loved coming to it. Natalie kept it clean. So, for two 20 year olds, they were living very maturely.
I talked to Natalie while she cooked and I helped, then we finally sat down to dinner, we prayed and then we dug in.
“So, Taylor, what’s so important?” Zac asked.
”As I told you right before you two left, I’ve decided to get the chemo. I had about two days worth to start while you guys were gone. The only thing is, it made me very sick. Like the chemo might now work for my body, sick.”
”Aren’t there other types of chemotherapy?” I asked interrupting.
“Not for my type of leukemia.”
”Oh.”
”Anyways, they said that they were going to try a weeks round on me and see if it does anything. If it works against me then we’ll stop with chemo, but it it was just a first time thing then we’ll keep going,” Taylor finished.
“When do you start?” Zac asked.
“Monday,” Taylor answered.
“Can we go with you?” I asked him.
“Everybody else is, I don’t see why you can’t,” Taylor laughed.
This wasn’t a laughing matter. He had a wife and two kids and we just found out that his one way to be saved might be scratched out of the picture.
Finally that night Zac and I left then stopped by Isaac and Alyssa's to see them and then we went home.
The whole family waited for Taylor’s chemo-day to come and it did come finally. I couldn’t have been more nervous for Taylor and his family.
Email: hshanson09@yahoo.com