My
Second Chance At Life:
Metastasis
to the lung
A diagnosis of secondary
breast cancer means that the cancer cannot be cured, although it
can be controlled, sometimes for years.
When my oncology told me I had lung secondary and I handled it calmly
and unemotionally. But deep inside felt shocked, vulnerable and
alone.
The diagnosis of secondary breast cancer is more traumatic than
when it was first diagnosed because the hope of a cure is replaced
with the realization that this is no longer possible.
And I wouldn't be able to fulfill the plans I had with my family
and husband for traveling when he retired.
Suddenly I am facing an uncertain future
and my life plans and goals have been interrupted. People around
me encourage me to be positive and to fight the cancer. But it is
hard to be positive all the time and pressure from other people
can sometimes make me feel inadequate and guilty. I tried to deal
with a certain amount of stress and tension but it can get on top
of me. Sometimes anxiety can become so overwhelming that it results
in panic attacks, causing further fear and worry. Later my anxieties
lead to depression. The threat of pain is one of my biggest fears,
but fear and anxiety can make pain worse and nearly all cancer pain
can be controlled.
After four years of regular check-ups showing
no evidence of disease, but in Jan. 2001, I have Stage IV Recurrent
breast cancer with metastasis to my lung. Two tumours on the right
and one on the left near the heart. I have 4 cycle of IV Adriamycin.
But no improvement, so doctor change to IV Vinorelbine CI 5-FU for
6 cycles. Result of the CT Scan show no increase of the tumours
and its size is also means that cancer have be stable.
I requested for a watch and see situation.
So I stopped treatment in August before my birthday. During my "rest
period" I travel to Tasmania, Malaysia, Japan, Korea, Hatyai,
Hawaii and Harbin in China. So far I am doing well, all tumors have
remained the same and no symptoms of it, and my overall health is
good.
I believe in herbal medicines. I took Lingzhi
(Reishi mushrooms) to boost my immune system and with all kinds
of vitamins: A, C, E, and selenium, Echinacea, etc., also drink
two glass of herbal tea (mixture of 7years- Renshen (Chinese Ginseng),
Yangshen (American Ginseng), Tianqi (Notoginseng Root), Dongchong
Xiacao (Cordyceps) grounded into powder.
Learning to Live with Cancer means more
than staying alive. It means learning to derive the most from each
moment--to be more present to the everyday sources of joy and aliveness.
Getting cancer was a very positive event in my life. It taught me
to enjoy each moment. Sense of humor helps assure that we have more
joyful moments to enjoy. I consider my cancer to such a blessing
because through it I have learned soo~ much about how to handle
my life, how to speak out my feelings to others, how to throw away
the unpleasant things and have more contentment in my life.
My journey is not over. I have to keep up with my checkups every
two months for the time being and regular checkup for the rest of
my life for reassurance. I am trying to become single-minded, concentrating
on my positive thoughts.
To my husband, who has stood beside me through
all of my chemo and doctors appointments. He never missed one of
them.
Last but not least to my children, aunt and my buddy-Catherine and
Charlotte who are a very special part of my life. My children and
friends has been a source of great strength and courage to me. I
love them all!
I am blessed to have supportive family and
friends. It said that a positive outlook may or may not cure you
of cancer, but it will certainly make the disease easier to bear,
and will help you live life to the full despite the cancer.
Now, I have learned to live with cancer
and put the fear of dying from it to rest. I have given my recovery
my very best efforts. I live in the moment, laugh a lot, to see
much of the world and love with a passion my husband, my three girls
and those who have supported me in my time of need.
As a survivor, should understand that metastatic
breast cancer is generally not considered curable, but we must believe
the goal of therapy for Metastatic breast cancer is to achieve a
remission or slow down the growth of the tumor. This belief will
bring us the courage to do all we can. So we MUST have a wonderful
attitude and deserve to overcome this battle.
So far, my check-ups show no evidence of
the disease. There are many ways in which hope can be encouraged
and reinforced.
If I should die from this cancer I shall
die as happy and peaceful woman. As I have 3 beautiful daughters.
2002- In March, my
X-ray shows slight increase of the right lung tumour. Doctor wanted
to wait for another two months for observer the speed of the growth.So
wait till May.
May : X-ray shows increase from 11mm to
15mm in the lung. Still Dr. thinks it can wait for another 2 months
but this time in July I need to have full CTscan and blood test.
June: I went for my CT Scan and have to
wait till next week 4 July 2002 to get my result. At this time my
health is still good , just came back from Mount Kinabalu in Malaysia.
My situation now is that, one out of my
4 tumours in the lungs has been growing slowly from 10mm to 17mm
since last Oct. However, I do not suffer from any symptoms from
the disease.
July: Dr commented that since I have a slowly
progressive metastatic disease and my quality of life is good. I
may decide to delay treatment, enjoy my life without treatment,
and reevaluate my decision periodically. At present, I able to live
comfortably for almost 11 months with slowly growing metastatic
breast cancer involving Lung, without treatment. (If not because
of the X-ray, will never suspect of the reoccurrence).
If my disease progressed further and developed
significant symptoms, then I will decide to try chemo again. It
will not be late. My Chinese Dr do also agreed about the decision
that my husband and I made and we feel good about it. I went to
see him and he is going to increase my Chinese Chemo medience.
Well!! Will be going for more trips. Next
week in July will be going to Thailand for a 5 days retreat.
Nov. No change, still growing slowly from
15mm to 19mm. Still stick to do without treatment, but this time
might stop taking the Chinese Medicine for awhile.
Next month Dec. Will be going to Greece with family and friends
for two weeks. Celebrating Christmas there.
2004-
April - No one can predict exactly how long your life is likely
to be after a diagnosis of secondary breast cancer. I will need
to face the fact that I may not live as long as I want if the breast
cancer hadn’t spread. And whether I have months or years left
to live I will almost certainly think about my death from time to
time.
Understanding more about how my symptoms can be effectively controlled
and being aware of the support that will be available to me towards
the end of my life can help take away some of the fears.
However painful, once you begin to consider these issues and possibilities
it can be easier to think about what you will leave behind and how
things will be after you have died. It may help to remember that
there is no right or wrong way to deal with these fears.
When someone in my support group was dying it really helped me to
get the message she sent to the group saying she felt quite serene.
She hadn't expected to feel like that because she had fought her
cancer, but she did, and it gave me a lot of hope that I could feel
the same when my time came.
How long will I live with this cancer? I don't know, no one knows,
but I am full of hope. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So I
try my best to treat this disease as a chronic illness and live
as full and productive a life as I can
Thinking about life going on after I have died can be painful for
me and those around me but putting the affairs in order is a positive
thing to do. This can be a way of making sure my wishes are carried
out after I died.
I hope I can continue to have a good quality of life for quite a
while. My fear is that I will become a burden to my family.
My situation now is that, my tumours in the lungs have been growing
from 17mm to 5cm since last Aug. Now, I do have cough symptoms for
past three months. My next visit will be 29th April, might want
to start chemo again.
Hope I can
have more Mets Surviours here
to Chat.
The
Power of Affirmations
Nothing
is more important than a healthy state of mind.
Affirmations are a powerful way for conditioning the mind
to maintain optimum health throughout our life.
My
Favorite Quotes-
Medicine for My soul
Never
let life's hardships disturb you.
After all, no one can avoid problems,
not
even saints or sages.
-NICHIREN-
Be
True to Yourself,
No Matter What
Right now, you
are struggling
with your inner world.
You are asking yourself
how you feel about everything
and if you are really happy.
You are changing into the exact person
that you were hoping to become,
but now you find that theses changes
are causing difficulties for the
people around you.
They want you to remain the same person
that you've been;
they may even want you to be something
for them rather than being yourself.
But now is the time to make a statement
about your life.
You must continue to follow
your own chosen path
and make alterations in your lifestyle.
You will find your new place in the circle
of your loved ones,
but keep in mind that everyone must create
their own sense of self and happiness.
No one should be shaped
or confined by someone else's ideals
of what they should be.
Strive for your own beliefs and desires;
continue to make your world complete
by being yourself.
Every day, discover something new
and unique about yourself,
and remember that happiness
and contentment in life come
when you focus on your own goals,
being yourself,
and making the most of every minute of your life.
Always
Hope for the Best
Don't
let go of hope.
Hope is a beautiful answer to many
difficult questions
Hope gives you the strength to keep going
when you feel like giving up.
Hope only asks that you believe.
Hope only wants you to receive.
Hope is "hanging in there" until help arrives
Don't run away from love but towards love,
Because it is our deepest joy,
Learn how to laugh and
Be proud to cry.
Always
Do Your Best
Find your strength.
Search for that smile of yours
that makes everything brighter.
Hang in there, even though
that can be easier said than done.
Have faith.
Don't give up.
Make a commitment
between your determination,
your hopes, and your heart
that your sun is going to shine
in the sky.
Live your life a day at a time,
and things will get better
and better.
Find your way through the days
with the light that shines within you.
Leave a smile where there wasn't one before.
Help a hurt; make it mend.
Find the strength to make things
right again.
Reach out a little farther.
If you believe you can'
then will make it through.
Listen a little more often to what your heart
has to say.
Do the things that are important to you.
Always do your best.
AN Energy Theory
of
Health and Disease
Diet, relaxation,
visualization, QI-gong,
emotional support, spiritual practice
and natural approaches to health all
have one thing in common;
They all help to raise
the energy level of the person.
Tribute
to My buddy Catherine
I
TURN TO YOU
When I'm lost in the rain
In your eyes I know
I'll find the light to light my way
When I'm scared, losing around
When my world is going crazy
You can turn it all around
And when I'm down
You're there pushing me to stop
You're always there giving me all you've got
For a
shield from the storm
For a friend
For a love to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you
When I
lose the will to win
I just reach for you
And I can reach the sky again
I can do anything 'coz your love is so amazing
'Coz your love inspires me
And when I need a friend
You're always on my side
Giving me faith, taking me through the night
For a
shield from the storm
For a friend
For a love to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you
For the strength to be strong
For the will to carry on
For everything you do
For everything that's true
I turn to you
For the
arms to be my shelter
Through all the rain
For the truth that will never change
For someone to lean on
For a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to
Everything
Is Possible
© by Max The Poet
Everything is possible,
Nothing is too great,
Do not be afraid,
To make the choice you make.
Everything
is possible,
And within your arms reach,
Listen to your heart,
And what it has to teach.
Everything
is possible,
And waiting for you there,
Run and grasp your dreams,
Not one more moment spare.
Everything
is possible,
Make it all come true,
You can do it, I know you can,
Because, I believe in you.
Be
Your Best
Wake
UP to your magnificent potential.
Let UP on the "shoulds" in your life.
Dress UP however you want.
Loosen UP and be silly.
Give UP trying to do
everything for everyone.
Get UP your courage to be you-nique.
Stand UP for yourself and your opinions.
Face UP to what needs changing and do it.
Lift UP your spirit in thanks for who you are.
Open UP to the love around and within you.
Shift your focus
"Count
the garden by the flowers,
never by the leaves that fall.
Count your life with smiles
and not the tears that roll."
"Let
no one who loves be unhappy...
even love unreturned has its rainbow."
-- James Matthew Barrie
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