Answering Machine

79.5 kb	900	Hello you have reached the presidential chat line, for one on one hot talk with our hamburger eatin, pot smoking, pant dropping, jogging, hillbilly leader, please have your parents credit card ready, remember you must be 21 or under.
90.8 kb	911	Thank you for calling 911, our offices are closed because everyone is at the donut shop. We discussed the situation before we left and we believe you are old enough to be responsible while we are away. Please be careful with matches and do not play with knifes and things should be ok until we back. Hang up the phone now.
107 kb	alien	Greetings earthling, I am an extraterrestrial being from the planet dmmmwahhh I have been sent to earth in the form of this answering machine to profligate with your species, In order to spread my highly superior race threw out the universe. You may not realize it but right now I am having sex with your ear, and I know you like it because you are smiling. You may leave a message at the tone but then please call back because I am very very horney.
55.6 kb	angry	hey, hey, where'd you get this number? What makes you think I wanna talk to you? Well, if it's that important leave a message. How bout it.
55.2 kb	answer	We're sorry we're not home right now we thank you for your call. We are such merry people we love you one and all. Please leave your name and phone number we'll call you back with luck. But if you should hang up to soon go take a flying...
78 kb	austonans	Like no ones home baby, leave a message and they'll be sure to get back to ya oh behave baby!
33.1 kb	bart	I can't come to the phone now but don't have a cow man! When you hear the beep now don't be rude, leave a message on the phone cause I'm out of hear dude.
40.6 kb	blueshom	Hey Peaches it's your ole pal Mr. Mobby, and the answer is ain't nobody ta home. The question is, what you want? Leave your message at the tone. YEA BABY!
77.1 kb	bob	Hello...this is Bob the burglary, the owner ain't home right now. So if you wanna leave a message then do so. But it won't matter cause I'm gonna take the answer phone, then the TV, then the stereo, and the VCR and all the money.
79.5 kb	bogie	Of all the answering machines in all the world you had to call mine. Maybe the phone messages of two little people don't add up to a hill of beans...but if you leave a message I'll get back to yea. Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but someday. Who knows, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
22.0 kb	bolton	Hi, this is Michael Bolton, nobodys home right now but at the tone please leave a message and I'll get back to you.
32.6 kb	busgood	Well we know business if good you got my answering machine. If business were bad I'd be around calling you every hour. Please leave a message.
62.6	bush	I can't answer the phone right now and I appreciate you not using the fax machine...and those of you that have used the fax repeat after me, NO NEW FAXES! And if this is Dan Quail calling you'll have to wait for the beep dummy.
116 kb	buttmess1	Hey Butthead it's ringing, it's ringing...ah hello, ah wait a minute...he's not here, he's taking a shower cause he stinks. We wanna meet chicks...yea and score, so call anyways. Ah thank you.
67.1 kb	cheech	Oh man thank you for calling my number. Nobody can come to the phone right now cause their kinda tied up, check it out, oh hey stop. No but hey leave a message man and as soon as they get away you know someone's bound to return the call. umm bye.
75.6 kb	choices	This is a multiple choice answering machine message. No one can take your call at the moment because a. We are on another line. b. taking a meeting. c. doing lunch d. being abducted by aliens. or e. all of the above. If you choice either d or e maybe it's time you lay off the super market tabloids. Here comes the tone.
67.0 kb	ciaobaby	Greetings, I am a fully integrated state of the art digitally enhanced answering unit, who are you? Please identify yourself after my obligatory electronic tone and your call will be returned when ever it is humanly possible. Chow Baby.
57.8 kb	clint	There's no one here but smith Wesson and me. I bet your dieing to hang up and not leave a message, but dieing ain't much of a livin boy. So go ahead make my day.
87.2 kb	crabby	So you decided to give us a call, well we're not here. Did you think we had nothin better to do wait'n for you to ring up? Well tell you what, say what's on your mind and we'll give yea a call back. At our convenience.
85.1 kb	cultured	SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE! I'm sorry we are unavailable to take your call at this time. STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER! We'll be spending the day at the art gallery and the opera. IF YOU DON'T STOP I'LL REALLY GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! Leave your name and number and we'll be delighted to get back to you. GET IN THE CAR!
99.7 kb	dialass	Thank you for dialing dial an asshole. All of our assholes are currently assisting other assholes. To receive a free copy of our quarterly news letter the anal retentive please leave your name and number at the beep, and the first available asshole will return your call promptly. Have a Shitty day.
111 kb	dogs	Five tel-a- marketers, one big phone scam, it's Clinton Fernteno's reservoir phone. You really think there was a rat? You even doubt it man? The phone calls were there the minute Mr. Handsfree went berserk and started hanging up on everybody. Put the receiver down Mr. White Curtsy Phone. They don't know each other's names. I don't really care what you know, I'm gonna put you on hold anyway. But they've got each others number. You bet I'll leave a message you bleep!
69.0 kb	elvis	Hey Baby, this here's the king. I'm just sit-in here with your friend watch-n a little TV. Ha Ha bulls eye. We're kind of busy so why don't you leave a message and maybe later on we'll go pick out a Cadillac.
29.3 kb	flanders	Ah how da la du-da-ly do. Hello Yello Hello-lee-o-le
88.3 kb	flight	Good afternoon passengers, welcome to flight 416 flying non stop to the beep. Please store all messages in the over head bins on the tape provided. For the safety and comfort of all our passengers we ask that you observe the no mumbling sign through out the duration of the flight. You'll notice that the captain has eliminated the message sign so please feel free to leave one at any time.
79.1 kb	george	Believe it or not George isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone, where could I be? Believe it or not I'm not home.