12th April 2008
Wow! I cannot believe I am going to do this again…or am I? I’ve just spent most of today reading my old website and poetry and found myself crying and thinking I wanted to do it again. But, before I start, let me tell you a little bit about me.
I am a 37 year old wife and mother of 2 beautiful children. My daughter, now aged 13, is growing up so fast its actually scary. My son, 11, still behaves like a little boy and I am immensely grateful for that. I have enough reminders about how fast time flies and how old I am getting (yes I am age phobic) that at least he keeps me young. My husband of 5 years is probably just as amazed as I am that we still love each other and are still together having had to go through all the life changes we both had to make.
I don’t promise sensationalism or drama with this website. Just a little insight into me and my passions and hoping you will enjoy whatever you may read here.
Unlike my first webpage, I don’t think I will be spending too much time with graphics and the like with this one. I’ve obviously outgrown all the fairies and wizards and flashy icons I had on my first site. I’m hoping for a more chic look to this one…lets see shall we.
Like any diary, this will be a blunt and honest portrayal of my feelings at the time of writing and I hope not to offend anyone, especially my husband. If this ever is the case though, he need only remember that I am still the same girl, behind the site, that he fell in love with in 2001 and that that same girl is still in love with him.
Time has told me
You're a rare find
A troubled cure
For a troubled mind.
And time has told me
Not to ask for more
Someday our ocean
Will find its shore.
Time has told me
You came with the dawn
A soul with no footprint
A rose with no thorn
~~© Nick Drake~~
1969
In a Flash
Time waits for no man or so someone once said
And before you quite realise, you’re 7 years ahead
One minute you’re in the twenties, the so-called prime of life
The next you’re nearing forty, and handling teenage sibling strife.
What was once important issues, now lay down where they died
All forgotten in the path of time, in memories where they hide.
Some days I gently uncover them and shake the cobwebs off
And reminisce about good times that make me cry or laugh
But mostly I try not to think of people that I once knew
People that loved and hurt me and people that I hurt too
There is a yearning in my heart to go back there once more
To find the people I left behind and for friendships to restore
To see the fiends that I once loved and held so dear to heart
To tell them I am sorry that with time we grew apart
To tell them they mean so much to me and that I did not forget
And that losing touch with all of them is the one thing I regret
~~Bernadette~~
~~12 April 2008~~
Debbie
Well the lay of the land didn’t go quite as planned
When the builders came early one morning
With their hammers and trucks, backed by conglomerate bucks
To the site of the old buildings falling
As they started to hack at the old concrete track
While the engines were roaring quite loudly
And the bosses stood there, drinking coffees and stared
Holding plans they had drawn up so proudly
Showing plans of new malls and houses and stalls
Selling whatever was to your taste
For each inch of this land, and this they had planned
Would be built on with nothing to waste
But then someone cried out and then one more shout
And the builders were all running wild
What they found to their dismay, buried deep in the clay
Was the body of Debbie Rothchild
As the town watched in horror, and her parents found sorrow
At the news of this horrible find
The investors were mad, all that money gone bad
And no way out of this terrible bind
So the buildings were stopped and the project was dropped
And the conglomerates just let it be
And the lay of the land, didn’t change quite as planned
But bore witness to the death of Debbie.
~~Bernadette~~
~~13 April 2008~~
Heart
Heavy
Dragging down and suffocating
Burning
Down trodden and breaking
Crying
Lonely and forsaking
Reaching
Into darkness so frustrating
~~Bernadette~~
~~3 July 2009~~
3rd July 2009
14 Years ago, I came home from work to find out that my (then) brother-in-law had been killed in an accident at work. It was the 3rd person near and dear to me to have died in quick succession. The first was my grandmother, the next was a friend I had grown up with who was killed in a motor accident and then it was Jurie. Two Things stick in my mind, one, at Michael's funeral (my friend who died in the car wreck) as his family were carrying the coffin out of the church, William, his brother looked down at me as he walked past and took my hand (which I had offerred to him for who knows what reason) and squeezed it. And the second, was when I arrived at my (then) parents-in-law's house to be confronted with the news of Jurie, I heard my father-in-law screaming his name. Over and over and over. There are many things about those events that I will never forget, but it is those 2 in particular I always recall and play back in my mind.
The reason I am telling you this is because it has been on my mind today. Health wise, niether my husband nor I are very well. I have been sufferring with a back complaint for a few months now and just recently he has started complaining of the same thing. Both of us have just got over the flu and recently, a very good frind of mine was diagnosed with cancer. All this has left me sad and weepy and I find myself crying at the drop of a hat lately. It's the crying for no reason at all that reminded me of how I felt 14 years ago when my brother-in-law was killed.
I just feel very sad
Skip, I hope you get better soon, my thoughts are with you and I'm pissed that this has happened to you. You are my very VERY good friend and I care for you very much. Hang in there my friend. And for my husband, Sweetie...hopefully soon we will both feel better and no longer feel like we are 80 years old.
On the plus side, I normally write poetry when I'm in this kind of mood. So watch this space.
11th July 2009
Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad...what is going on? I cannot seem to shake it. Woke up this morning caughing and sneezing. Here we go again. Just joined twitter. Cannot really see what it's all about. Looks like it might be a good tool for business and dont really see the point of 'updating status' coz that would make it another facebook, and somehow I think that Twitter is supposed to be more than that.
Being listening to James Morrison's 'Broken Strings' over and over. Not sure why because it makes me sadder still, yet I cannot help myself and I just adore the song
Being trying to write another poem...one about a British soldier, fighting back in the 1700's but I'm failing at that one. I'll keep working on it.
Is anyone actually reading this?
Does it matter?
