Bob M: So you were lucky/fortunate that your employer's insurance covered a good portion at least. Here are some more audience questions:
babareep: How much control does the person with BPD have over stopping the self-mutilation? Is there hope for someone who has been doing it for 10 years?
Melissa Ford Thornton: There's always hope. Sometimes the mind disconnects from the body. This is called dissociation. Those are times when the body being hurt does not look or feel to be your own. It is hard to stop. With treatment, dissociation can be relieved, especially with DBT skill of mindfulness--staying in the moment. If searching for self-punishment or pain, ice cubes held until completely melted sometimes greatly relieves these urges. Professional care is advised.
Kamala: How did it affect your relationship with your husband?
Melissa Ford Thornton: He hurt as much or more than I did, yet he stayed by my side all the way. Many divorces arise from such trauma. He was always caring, but expected me to try harder each day. A great partner to my other treatments.
Mariealaina: Do you consider yourself "cured"?
Melissa Ford Thornton: It is a lifetime disorder. However, recent research has shown that as a borderline grows older, 75% of them have a chance of not displaying any symptoms!
Bob M: Here are a few audience comments made throughout the evening:
MamidAel: I HAVE BPD. Canadian CPS has just used that in their final arguments to take My Child from me Permanently!
SoHandy2: I often feel suicidal, but I never feel like just hurting myself. Are there many Borderlines who don't self-injure?
willow bear: Bob, maybe you could mention Dr. Marsha Linehan's workbook "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder". It costs $27.00.
hitchhiker: I've been a "problem" in my family since I was 4 because of the sexual abuse. I've tried to tell people I need help, but no one will believe me. And when doctors see my records, they always base their opinions off of them. What can I do differently to seek help? I don't have a job, or medical coverage yet. I'm only 18.
Bob M: As Melissa is answering that last question from hitchhiker, here are a few more audience comments:
Tee: Thank you for some valuable info, I will use the ice cube one right away
Summers: Thank you for the time you spent helping us out here tonight. You have given a gift appreciated by many.
Melissa Ford Thornton: I would contact my local Mental Health Association. They have lists of doctors and their specialties, such as abuse. Also the Association could put you in touch with resources to lower cost, no insurance required.
Sharyl: Can you be more specific on what DBT skills you have acquired to help you cope with emotional outbursts?
Melissa Ford Thornton: Staying in the present, deep breathing, changing physiology, journalling, distraction, call a friend, play with cat, whatever works for you.
Allison1: What did you find that helped you to keep from dissociating? My daughter does this as her means of coping.
Melissa Ford Thornton: Mindfulness is complete awareness of where you are and what you are doing at all times. Example, "I am washing dishes", "I put a plate in the suds, I feel cool water as I rinse the plate". Talk out loud if you want to. It helps. If distracted by something like thunder and become judgmental such as "I hate this storm", "I hate myself", immediately focus on each action you make or sensation you feel.
territ: Any recommendations as to how to find a therapist / Dr. that specializes and is current on Borderline Personality Disorder?
Melissa Ford Thornton: Local Mental Health Association (in phonebook). Some doctors are listed as references in the back of my book. The book title is: "Eclipses: Behind the Borderline Personality Disorder". It costs about $11. DBT is spreading. If you can't find a local doctor, perhaps you can contact one of the references asking for a conference via phone/fax or whatever. Ask for the conference between your doctor and the specialist and if that's not possible many doctors referenced have materials and worksheets to help you. Also Linehan's book is recommended.
Bob M: You have had many years of experience with Borderline Personality Disorder. Do you think most people with BPD could reach a point of "feeling good and in control" without professional help? In other words, by practicing "self-help"?
Melissa Ford Thornton: No, there is such a high suicidal element and life-threatening eating disorders, not just binge-eating. I had anorexia. The risk is too high. If you feel there's a problem or have been diagnosed, listen to the professionals.
Ashley1: I would really like to hear how her husband supported her so that we may get some ideas on how to better support our BPD kids, spouses and significant others.
Melissa Ford Thornton: Validating the borderline's means of coping however outrageous or dangerous, yet insisting on change is best in crisis. Let them know you love them and that everyone including the affected person hates the illness. Continue with doctor's advice. If things escalate, call 911. A borderline should also call 911 if they are out of control.
MsMiranda: Do you have to have longterm hospitalization to get help from DBT?
Melissa Ford Thornton: No. In fact, several of the former Highland doctors have gone into private practice in Asheville. Dr. William Barley and other former Highland doctors are a good place to start to find the right specialist, even through a referral from them.
Sonnie: What can I do to help my son who will not accept he has Borderline Personality Disorder?
Melissa Ford Thornton: Denial is common in borderlines. Support him, insure he goes to treatment, and watch him take each dose of medicine. Help with DBT skills if necessary. Borderline is a poorly chosen description. He may believe he does not have a serious illness. Try not saying "borderline" around him. A doctor could offer deeper solutions.
Summers: There is an important step that I am missing : it lies between out of control and mindfulness. I cannot see the step from my vantage point. What does it look like?
Melissa Ford Thornton: Try if feeling supercharged, overwhelmed, angry, etc., a change in physiology. Warm bath, soft candlelight, music. From your present mood, picture yourself moving slowly down toward relaxation. Calming music actually lowers your blood pressure and respiration rate and body temperature which almost always changes your mood.
Bob M: It's getting late. Thank you Melissa for coming tonight and sharing your experiences and insights with us...and also for staying late to answer questions. It's been more than 2-1/2 hours. Again, A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0965939227/sandysldsbpdandg">Melissa's book is called: "Eclipses: Behind the Borderline Personality Disorder". It's very insightful and certainly let's you know you are not alone and there is help out there...and it's help that will bring significant improvement to the quality of your life, if you are suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
Bob M: We have a BPD room on our chat site here. Everyone is certainly invited to come anytime. We have many BPD and MPD visitors here, along with others who are experiencing various disorders. We try and make it a safe place for everyone. People here at the Concerned Counseling website are very friendly and supportive.
Bob M: To keep up with what's happening in mental health news and site news, subscribe to our free newsletter. Send me your name and email addy to: newsletter@concernedcounseling.com. Again, thank you Melissa for being our guest and staying late and thank you to everyone in the audience who participated tonight.
Melissa Ford Thornton: It was a privelege. Remember there is always hope. Thank you for this opportunity to share.
Bob M: Good Night everyone. Thanks for coming tonight. I hope you have found the conference helpful. We hold Eating Disorders online conferences every other Tuesday night and on alternate Wednesday evenings, we have topical mental health conferences. All conferences start at 6 p.m. Pacific, 8 p.m. CST, 9 p.m. EDT. They are always free and our guests always take your personal questions. So please join us...and invite your friends, webpals, mail list buddies too. If you have any suggestions for future conferences or comments about tonight's conference, please email me at: ccijournal@concernedcounseling.com. If you'd like to subscribe to our newsletter, put "subscribe" in the header, send your name and email address to: newsletter@concernedcounseling.com or click the magic link.
