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Ross, Bob, Lenny, Gerry, Mike and Colin welcomed Victoria and Shelley to their first meeting.

With the smaller group we gathered around a blanket in a shaded portion of the quadrangle at the DePaul University Library grounds, and worked our way through the posted topics. A mid meeting aerobics break was prompted by the eruption of the sprinkler system around forcing us to run for higher ground.

Topics:

Suggestions for a First-Time Home Buyer - Shelley
Consider timing (long-term vs. short-term) – risk is minimal with long-term perspective. You should be looking to be stable for 5 years. Do not underestimate the value of tax deductions as a key part of the affordability equation. The housing market may collapse as it did 10 years ago but how far will it drop 10%- 50%? Can you live with that fall? Will it be difficult to resell? How "risk tolerant" are you? There is hassle in owning a house. Define what you really want to live in (condo vs. house), and try to balance financial risk with desire for the type of home you want to have, and the long-term security offered by an owned home. Town homes and condos may be a simpler choice. It's nice to have a place for possessions

Having Friends That Don't Support VS - Mike
Convert, Educate or Ignore? Ignoring people avoids hassle and keeps life simple but proselytizing is better for the community and may bring people to appreciate your views more in a way that they will be thankful for. Danger of being labeled as a "miser". Be clear in own mind about frugality vs. miserliness and explain to others. Can hold some old friends but will have to break with some or find reduced common ground to share. May do previous activities but less often e.g. expensive meals, bars. Or go to same locations but not drink, eat as expensively etc. Take initiative and hold simple events yourself eg cheap cookouts and parties. Meet people at their values e.g. if invited to a black tie wedding, remember that it is the other person's event and their choice. You can rent a tux, check that a dark suit is OK instead or just decline their offer, but don't impose your values on other people by dressing as you would normally. Be wary of value system differences. Are you better because you choose to be different? People often feel threatened when others change, especially if they are not solid in their own values. You should hold to your values but stay in balance with society e.g. believe in yourself 90% and leave 10% of uncertainty to allow you to change grow and accommodate.

Creative Time Fillers, Cultivating a Passion -Gerry, Colin
This was a combined topic. If you have retired voluntarily or not, what do you do now? What was you dream as a child? Can you do volunteer work to explore this or other dreams/things you really enjoy? Explore, try new things, meet new people with similar values, consider the ideas and opportunities they present. Try to avoid negativity / guilt over the way time is spent (it’s yours). Your work may not be your passion but it can be OK and supply the money and security that allows you to do other things where your true values are. Are we just "filling life" or doing something more? Zen says we should just be here now. Why do we need a schedule to keep us busy? You can do too much too thinly. Too much passion can burn you out or clutter up your existence. How do you find your real passion - what really pulls you in? Focusing on key things helps. Be aware of your focus/choice of a singular passion/dream vs. testing the waters among several interests & activities, which may spread your energy too thin to dig in to one specific passion (as in all things, BALANCE is critical). Leave space to stand back and really see what is happening. Try to avoid being busy for the sake of being busy (the unemployed workaholic). "Look at a cloud" and other ideas for some spiritual renewal / health. Listen to your dreams. Keep a pad beside the bed and use your waking hours to reflect on your dreams. Get in synch with your own clock and natural timings.

Gender and Sex- Continuing the Discussion - Lenny
(Lenny had attended a discussion with the PAN group earlier that week and wanted to explore some of the ideas further.)

Observing the dynamics of the PAN discussion, Lenny noted that small groups work better. When the PAN group divided, more people shared their ideas and at a more intimate level. Women are more comfortable with changing their sexuality; men are more threatened. Would it be a healthier society if we could all check out different genders and sexualities? Would we get a better understanding of each other? Colin made a borderline non-PC comment about breast size and then tried to cover himself by discussing the reality of beauty, image and sexuality in day to day living. We talked about how attractive people often do better in life and what role body image plays. Different cultures have different ideas of personal beauty e.g. in parts of Africa larger bodies are preferred than in the West, though this is changing in areas more exposed to western ideas. Many of our ideals of beauty are artificial. Playmates are waxed and PhotoShop'ed to an unreal level. Many ideas of beauty are based around aging and the pressure to be young. Many women (and men) dye their hair so we now have an artificial concept of what older women look like. Many of the men present said they preferred more "natural" women with graying hair, body hair, etc. Being healthy and fit and happy was seen as more attractive than just being young or lifted and botoxed. Beauty is not just related to finding a partner, it also plays into jobs and other areas.

Email vs Snailmail - Colin
Email can be too fast. It is easy to send replies without considering content. Lack of intonation and body language can lead to misunderstandings, especially when being ironic. Emotions help. The speed of response can precipitate a downward spiral of negative communication. Letting an email "rest" overnight then reviewing it the next morning can prevent impetuous and damaging responses. Many letters are discarded between writing and mailing. Many people had sent emails to the wrong people because it was so easy to add addresses incorrectly. Letters are more reflective and can contain other stuff: drawings, photographs, a PBJ sandwich. Cut and paste allows more information to be written to more people. The common information can be boilerplated in leaving more time for more personal specifics. Email is another example of our accelerated society - fast communication, fast food, speed dating. All are both good and bad depending on how we use them.

The meeting wrapped up just after noon.
Colin
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