Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

O'DOCHARTAIGH ASSOCIATES

PARENTING SKILLS

George W. Doherty, M.S., LPC
WHY DO CHILDREN MISBEHAVE? 

 Children misbehave for many reasons. These include, but are not
  limited to:

             1. Being Tired -


        2. Hunger -

              
           3. Sickness - 

          4. Poor Communication -

             5. Bad Feelings -

                A. Anger - 

              B. Fear - 

             C. Jealosy - 




             D. Hurt -

 Understanding the cause of misbehavior can help you choose 
  an effective method of changing the behavior.

 When parents "give in" to inconsiderate behavior, it 
  encourages children to repeat the misbehavior. For example:

                  1. The child makes a Demand.

                  2. The parent refuses to give the child 
                     what he/she wants, pointing out 
                     appropriate reasons why.

                  3. The child's Demands continue.

                  4. The parent becomes irritated.

                  5. The child keeps pestering

                  6. The parent gets upset and over-reacts.

                  7. The parent feels guilty, apologizes to
                     the child and gives in to the Demand 
                     after all.
MISBEHAVIOR 

1. When children misbehave:

   A. Take action that is appropriate for your child and the
      situation.

   B. Discipline out of love.

   C. Always try to be firm, logical, fair, and consistent.

   D. If you're feeling angry or upset, take time to cool off
      before deciding what the consequences of the misbehavior
      should be.


2. Behavioral Contracts

   Sometimes children develop annoying habits. Parents and 
   children can make an agreement (contract) in advance to
   eliminate these. To do this:

   A. Agree on what behavior is expected.

   B. Discuss and choose rewards for expected behavior, and 
      the consequences of misbehavior.

   C. Follow-up by recording successful behavior - with a
      chart of checkmarks, for example.

3. Scolding

   A. Say only what is necessary to stop the misbehavior.

   B. DO NOT make empty threats or attack the child's 
      character, especially when you're angry.

   C. DO NOT plead or apologize for scolding.

4. Removing Privileges

5. Isolation 

   Isolation may give an ill-tempered or unruly child a 
   chance to cool off. When sending a child to his/her 
   room, a parent should:

   A. Tell the child how long to stay there.

   B. Make clear the time will be increased if the child 
      comes out too soon.

   C. Make sure the child is in a safe place.

   D. Take time to TALK after the child comes out. 

6. Physical Punishment
HOW TO DISCIPLINE EFFECTIVELY 

Encourage positive behavior through the use of these 
BASIC STEPS:

          1. Give children LOVE

          2. LISTEN to your children

          3. UNDERSTAND your child

          4. Set LIMITS:

                         A. Explanation -

                         B. Discussion -

                         C. Repetition -

                         D. The whole family needs 
                            limits on:

                            i. Time - e.g. bedtime, 
                                      curfews, etc.

                           ii. Boundaries - e.g. "You may
                                      go here, but not there."

                          iii. Behavior - e.g. "You may do
                                      this, but not that."

          5. Give Rewards

          6. Promote Independence:

             A. Begin to Discipline early - learning begins
                at birth.

             B. Allow your child to share in decisions. As 
                he/she grows older, give increased 
                responsibility for setting limits.

             C. Provide encouragement and comfort whenever 
                your child experiences failure.

          7. Discuss Emotions

          8. Promote Responsibility:

             A. Discuss what needs to be done. Assign jobs
                to each person (rotate chores for fairness).

             B. Set time limits for job completion.

             C. Check to make sure jobs are done.

             D. Praise children for completing tasks, to
                help develop their confidence.


          9. Set a good example:

             A. If you want them to be punctual, you should
                be too.

             B. If you want them to pick up their clothes,
                you should pick up your own.

             C. If you want them to speak softly, so should
                you.

             D. If you want them to be polite, you should
                use "please", "thank-you", etc. when talking
                with your children and others.

             E. If you want them to stick to limits, you
                should set your own limits and stick to them.
SOME GUIDELINES FOR ESTABLISHING THE CONSEQUENCES OF MISBEHAVIOR 

          1. Be Prompt -

          2. State the Reason -

          3. Set a Limit -
 
          4. Control Your Emotions -

          5. Communicate your love -

          6. Avoid empty threats -

          7. Scold in private -

          8. Think before you act -


Positive Discipline includes:

          1. Understand your child's needs.

          2. Rewarding your child for good behavior.

          3. Discouraging misbehavior firmly but fairly -
             and BE CONSISTENT.

          4. Adapting your methods of discipline as your 
             child grows older.

1997


FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, SEARCH BELOW:






















                                



NextCard Internet Visa



FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, CONTACT:


O'DOCHARTAIGH ASSOCIATES


P.O. BOX 786


LARAMIE, WY  82073-0786


 








                   
                    EMAIL: highplains140@usa.net

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one 
 after another."
                                    - Walter Elliott