Tech Support (Humor)

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Subj: Tech Support Request
Date: 2/23/99 2:24:08 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Jonathan.Powell@emailtech.com (Jonathan Powell)

Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded (Girlfriend 1.0) to (Wife 1.0) and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, (Wife 1.0) installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as (Pokernight 10.3) and (Beerbash 2.5) no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to purge (Wife 1.0) from my system. I am thinking about going back to (Girlfriend 1.0) but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me?

Thanks,

Jonathan Powell

***************************************

Dear Jonathan Powell,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from (Girlfriend 1.0) to (Wife 1.0) with the idea that (Wife 1.0) is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

(Wife 1.0) is an "OPERATING SYSTEM" and designed by its creator to run everything.

WARNING DO NOT TRY TO: un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed.

Trying to un-install (Wife 1.0) can be disastrous. Doing so may destroy your hard and/or floppy drive. Trying to un-install or remove (Wife 1.0) will destroy valuable system resources. You can not go back to (Girlfriend 1.0) because (Wife 1.0) is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install (Girlfriend 2.0) or (Wife 2.0) but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under

Warnings- Alimony/Child Support.

Others have tried to run (Girlfriend 2.0) in the background, while (Wife 1.0) is running. Eventually (Wife 1.0) detects (Girlfriend 2.0) and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-recoverable system crash.

Some users have tried to download similar products such as (Fling 1.1.0) and (OneNiteStand 4.0). Often their systems have become infected with a virus.

I recommend you keep (Wife 1.0) and just deal with the situation. Having (Wife 1.0) installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.

The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. (Wife 1.0) is a great program but is very high maintenance.

Suggestions for improved operation of (Wife 1.0)

-Monthly use utilities such as TLC and FTD

-Frequently use Communicator 5.0

Sincerly,

Tech Support

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