CHRIS FARLEY PLAYS EVITA
January 12, 1997
So it’s the Packers and the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
A friend of mine works for a TV station in Milwaukee and she’ll be the one planning all the special coverage the station does in New Orleans. Fortunately for her, the Packers’ success was not a surprise since they were touted all year as one of the best teams in football so she’s had time to prepare. She’ll probably also have the Super Bowl trophy coming back to Wisconsin with her. Green Bay should win.
One of the biggest players in the game may be a coach. Patriots coach Bill Parcells’ charisma and his ability to motivate players is unmatched in the NFL. One player said after the Pats’ AFC Championship Game victory over Jacksonville that, "we knew if we could get Bill there he would take us the rest of the way." Wow. That’s a powerful belief in one’s coach.
My brother’s girlfriend went to see Evita yesterday. Her three word review? "It was Madonna," she said. She explained that she went out of curiosity. Heck, if they can make Richard Dreyfus age 30 years in Mr. Holland’s Opus, they probably have technology that can make Madonna sound like she can sing.
What no one has invented yet is something that will make a movie starring Chris Farley funny. His latest is Beverly Hills Ninja, a sure-fire flop if there ever was one. I make this judgment based on the TV ads for the film. Even they aren’t funny. That’s a general rule of mine: if there isn’t enough comedy to fill a 30 second commercial, there sure isn’t enough to make a two hour movie.
Chris Farley must have one terrific agent. Or one who has pictures of movie studio execs sleeping with sheep. But then, maybe that’s the definition of a good agent.
The ascending degrees of drunkenness on the breathalyzer machine Homer Simpson got tested with on The Simpsons this week: (1) Tipsy, (2) Dopey, (3) Crocked, (4) Boris Yeltsin. I don’t usually watch the show so I don’t know if I caught it on a good day but it also featured another bit that made me laugh out loud. At one point, three frogs are sitting in a pond. They do the "Bud", "Wise", "Er" bit the ones in the Budweiser commercials do. Then they get swallowed by an alligator, who, just before it submerges, says, "Coors!"
I got some mail from a coffee company offering to send me a free coffee maker if I’ll buy a pound of coffee for $10. It doesn’t sound like a good deal, especially since I don’t like coffee. And even to a cheapskate like me, a free coffee maker is worthless if I never want to make coffee. But I’m sure they’ll enjoy getting my Form Letter to Solicitors and one of my spare Visa card applications.
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©1997-2000 John McQuiston