PARENT TO PARENT

A: This is a difficult situation for many people at this time of year. It does seem that many other religions are talked about while Christianity is shunned, but this is not really the case.

I do, on occasion, talk with parents and children at my tutor center about this. I explain that the children are being taught about the traditions of different cultures, not the religious aspects. With just a few examples, even young students can understand the difference between religious practices and traditions. For instance, decorating a Christmas tree, giving gifts and a holiday feast are all examples of cultural traditions in our country, but they are not religious practices. In the same way, students are introduced to children's games, foods and customs from other countries and cultures, but not the religion itself.

I have also spoken with non-Christians who feel uncomfortable with what is being taught in schools. I think the problem here is the history behind the traditions. The birth of a baby named Jesus is historical fact; that is not a problem. Although this may seem like religious teaching, it is not. If a teacher were to try to convince students that this baby is the Christ child, that would be religion and would not be acceptable.

Perhaps you can find out what is being taught to your children in school and make a chart. I am willing to wager that all of the holiday discussions can be classified as history, tradition (stories) or cultural practices.

Some children are uncomfortable when they are introduced to ideas that conflict with lessons they are taught at home. Helping your children understand the definition of tolerance helps tremendously. To tolerate something is to put up with it. This does not mean one has to agree with or even approve of what is being done, just accept the fact that people have different ways of doing things. I have stressed to my own children that I can disapprove of something for myself, but that doesn't mean it is wrong for everybody. Along the same lines, I may find some things are imperative to my own lifestyle and happiness, but this does not mean everyone has to do what I do or think the way I think. What is right for me is right because of who I am; what is wrong for me, likewise, is wrong because of who I am and how I live.

You may want to explore the idea that what is right for someone at a particular time in their life may be wrong later. You can use your child's past as a simple example. When they were babies, they wore diapers, drank from a bottle and cried whenever they needed something. All of this is right and good - for an infant. None of this is acceptable when you are five! This is a great lesson many children enjoy and is a wonderful self-esteem builder. See how many things they can think of that they used to do, but now that they are growing up, don't do any more. You can also have them think of things they could not do because they were too little, but now can do for themselves. If you have the time, pull out the old baby pictures, think of some stories about them that you can share. What better time is there than the holidays to reminisce?

Finally, if your children are older, you may find yourself facing the question of what is morally wrong, if anything can be right for somebody. The question of morality is often a sticky issue when trying to help a child understand tolerance and generosity, but is not really that difficult to answer. I explained to my children that "right" is what is good for oneself; "wrong" is what would hurt another person. So, if doing something, just because you want to, hurts another person, then it is not right and it should not be done. Doing something "right" for oneself only counts if it is not hurtful to somebody else. This is why stealing, lying and cheating are not good for anyone - others are hurt by it.

I hope this helps, and I wish to all of you, for the sake of the children, Peace.

Michele

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