If you want it, here it is, come and get it Make your mind up fast If you want it, any time, I can give it But you better hurry cause it may not last.

Did I hear you say that there must be a catch…? (Paul McCartney, 1968)

Your world is a world of things. Your possessions are things, and your organs are things, and your 'soul' (for lack of a better word) is just another species of thing.

The people around you are only things. You can own them. If you are clever and diligent, you can bring them to the point where they are yours to do with as you please. You can use them as you please and dispose of them as you please. You can collect them, hoard them, surround yourself with these lovely things that move and speak and feel.

The perception that you are not a thing, that you are somehow different from these outwardly similar walking, talking things with whom you pass your time is an understandable misunderstanding. If, in addition to the myriad other items and houses and persons you own, you manage to accumulate a certain species of hand-crafted puzzle box, we will disabuse you of these mistaken notions concerning your own uniqueness. We will open you up and dissect you into your constituent parts. In so doing, we will open your eyes to your place in the grand material scheme.

You will become our property. We will do with you what we please. Finally, you will be free of the burden of ownership.

For those looking to do a bit of extra credit with an eye towards gaining an edge in what has unfortunately become a highly competitive acceptance process, the following questions are posed:

1) Given that the relationship between mutilation and subjective suffering can generally be described by the equation:

2) Please write an essay on one of the following topics (multiple essays will be mutually nullifying - pick one and only one):

a) A comparative history of the conceptions of damnation. Be sure to touch upon the following: the Assyrians; the