On April 25th, the call came in on my cellular. "Attention all units!! Be on the lookout for Lou Diamonds and the Wu-Gambinos of Gatin' Island! Within the world of money and girls, they're the treasurers of glaciers of ice. They can be found wearing baggy jeans and Wallabee Clarks, pushin' phat black cars or just holdin' down on the block. We don't want no problem out there, so respect heat holders." Over.
That's when my office launched an extensive investigation into the secret society of New York's most infamous rhyme family and their Lieutenant, Lou Diamonds A.K.A. Raekwon the Chef. My name is Friday. According to our files, his name and rank was given to him for his ability to earn money for the family by cookin' up lyrical boulders. The lethal product is made inside hollow 50 gallon drums, produced by the RZA-giving it substance, then laced with crime rhymes as the glaze, before it's distributed to the street soldiers during promotional driveby's.
Intelligence informs us that a new and more potent dope will drop like napalm this summer, feeding loyal and devoted jewelry and sneaker addicts with the single, "Criminology," which sources say is guaranteed to leave the listener, in one way or another, a victim to organized rhyme. With lyrics like "stand on the block, Reebok, gun cocked, avalanche rock/get paid off mass murderers, services... Chef break'em watch the alley cats bake'em/....drop their names and take'em..." The forthcoming album, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, has both the raw material and the muscle to put a dent in a hardhead's wig!
My partner was successful in planting a receiver in the back of the Legend LOU DIAMONDS drives and recorded the conversation he had with IRON MAN A.K.A. TONY STARKS (Ghostface Killa), his First Lieutenant.
"Its not that you gotta have a chain around your neck, it's to say that the link is something that couldn't be popped. Everybody thought we would shine for a minute and then break up, but nah! You can't break this shit and it stays heavy 'cause were heavyweights!...I wanna let 'em know this is my shit, this is my team and I'm the stand up man for this shit right now."
"I know, Lou. As treasurers, we make sure that this shit stays on top level regardless of what. In rap, it's like a wrestling match. You got all types of clowns with all kinds of styles...niggas be cheating, you know biting...but if it was wrestling we'd be Tony Atlas or somethin', ya know? Whoever we'd be, we'd have the belt, though."
"The alliance is blood. We're from the closet projects, which is the livest on the whole island, Tony. We're from the major parts. You're a Lieutenant where you at and I'm the one where I'm at, ya know?....It's only right. You're Hutch and I'm Starsky, Fighting fake rhyme.
From the Wu tapes it's clear they got their shit locked tight once again. All Wu-Tang members appearing on the LP go by new names, Bobby Steeles (The RZA), Johnny Blaze (Method Man), Rally Fingers (INS), Lucky Hands (U-God), and Noodles (Masta Killer). The album also introduces new Clan members Big UN and Cappadon and has a guest appearance from Nas. They're ready are you.
"The worst enemy is a fake nigga around a real nigga. That's the scariest shit there is. That's why we call the album Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... It's really important to know what you're workin' wit' and who you're workin 'wit. If you can't understand, then it ain't for you."
