Paco: Hello my Gente! Welcome to the very first ever Paco's Happy Hour! That's right we're going to do this show my way, and my way is the fun way and the drink as much as you like way….
[He pauses and drinks a beer and the crowd cheers him on…]
Paco: Thank you, thank you, I'm so glad I don't have that tight butt Miller with me! The owner recognized my skills, and knows I can handle it on my own. So tonight we will discuss what happened this past Friday and we will also discuss Friday's up-coming matches. I will have a guest today, and he's one guest I'm not happy to have but hey, the boss told me to and I do what the boss says! He's a helluva a guy, so let's take a break while I drink me another Corona, and we'll be right back with Happy Hour!
[Commercial Break about Bad Blood PPV]
Paco: We're back folks and let's talk about what happened this past Friday, man what a night it was! We crowned two new champions, Dean was inducted into the Hall of Fame and Enigma made his return to the ICWF! That's a lot of big news. So first let's talk about Ruff Ryder winning the HardKore Title.
No one expected this, this was probably the biggest upset in ICWF History! Ruff Ryder went in there against a great veteran and was able to pull off the win. From what I hear, The H.O.P. was so upset with Mankind that they kicked him out, in fact I have been told the Mankind was so upset about this the he left the federation. Well Mick, good luck in the future. Now, the bad thing about Ruff Ryder winning is that the young Ruff Ryder has gotten a big head. He has become cocky, as Enigma has called him more than a few times. Just a day after winning the title he has gone on a rampage challenging everyone in his path including the HOP. Well I think he's biting more then he can chew, because the H.O.P has issued a challenge to him to take on them, that's right take on the whole House of Pain in what Dean calls a Special Gauntlet match. Will Ruff accept? Well I think he's more worried about this Friday, he made an open challenge and Enigma accepted! A day after Ruff Ryder accepted and now they will meet tomorrow for the Hardcore Title! Enigma was scheduled to face the young Buddha, but since Buddha didn't want nothing to do with Enigma, and I don't blame him, the match was cancelled. So the main event tomorrow is Ruff Ryder vs. Enigma, for the Hardcore Title, it should be great! Well folks, my mouth is getting dry so let's take another break, and I'll take another beer!
[Commercial break about 1-800-collect]
Paco: We're back and I'm already getting a little buzz, hell that's cool! Another title that changed hands this past Friday was the Intercontinental Title, the former World Champion Johnny Hunter had his first fight since loosing the World Title, Well he came back in a big way defeating Razor for the IC Title. So without further ado for you the fans, not for me, cuz frankly I don't like this guy, but anyway, here he is the current ICWF Intercontinental Champion…Johnny Hunter….
[The crowd boos and Johnny Hunter comes out and gives them the finger, he has a big gash over his left eye which is heavily bandaged he looks at Paco who offers his hand, but Hunter just sits down…]
Paco: Well than, welcome to my show, would you like a beer?
JH: no,
Paco: How about some Tequila?
JH: I said no,
Paco: it's really good!
JH: LOOK! Can we get on with this thing!?
Paco: Fine, fine, don't get your panties in a knot!
JH: WHAT?
Paco: I said I feel like a squirrel without a nut! Ok, how do you feel about winning the IC Title?
JH: Well Paco, you are a stupid drunk bum, so…
Paco: HEY! I might be drunk, but I'm not a stupid bum, I can hold my own, right crowd?
[people cheer him]
JH: Whatever, I don't think you need to know what the hell I think, but, I am in a GOOD mood today, so I'll tell ya.... It felt great to beat Razor and take his IC strap. Ya know, he was so damn cocky going into that thing, and seeing as he is a member of HOP, I had no problem beating his ass all over the ring.... So Razor, now you feel the wrath of me, and you realize that you can't compete with guys like me, so go back to the farm league and practice before you even try to beat me!
Paco: (yawns) Oh you're done? good, now that you are a champion, you must defend your title at the up-coming PPV, and your first challenger, The Rock. Many people have wanted to see this match for a long time, what are your thoughts?
[grabs a beer]
JH: Man you are a drunk! It should be a pretty unique match, I mean it should just be insane, but believe me, I will pull out, cause I am the one with the gold and I have everything to lose, but that is how I fight best!
Paco: So you think you'll beat the Great one!?
JH: The Rock? Please it seems that all this guy does is sit around and whine about how he deserves a title shot... I mean, when I was World Champ, he kept trying to get a title shot, and what had he done?? NOTHING! The fact is, The Rock is a tremendous athlete and wrestler, but he needs to get some wins and ring experience before he can beat me....So ya see, it will be a tough match for me, but it's nothing I can't handle, I will come out of that match still holding this Intercontinental strap...
[Paco has fallen to sleep…]
Paco: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
JH: HEY!
Paco: Huh? Sorry what? Ooh? OOH, ok, ah, yeah, wanna beer?
JH: Why do you keep on asking me if I want a beer?? If you think I'm going to stoop to your level and get myself plastered on live television with you, then think again! I may not have too much class Paco, but I got a HELLUVA lot more than you, you drunken bum!
Paco: Blah, blah, blah, but I do so let's take a break and we'll be right back with JH.
[Commercial about JAKKS ICWF Action Figures..]
Paco: Ok, we're back and I'm almost out of beer! Well, you all know what that means right?
Crowd: TEQUILA SUNRISE!!!
Paco: Now that's my kind of crowd. If you just joined us I got with me Johnny "Big Talk.. err… Big Game" Hunter. But before we get to Hunter, another thing that took place this Friday was Enigma returning to the ring, it was a great moment, let's re-live that moment right now……
[Clip about Enigma, making his entrance, beating Hogan, and then his interview, the clip ends and the camera shows Paco, lining up 10 Tequila shots, and JH looking at him with a disgusted look…]
Paco: We're back? Oh, ok. JH, do you have any thoughts on Enigma?
JH: Enigma?? Hmmm, don't know too much about that guy, I hear he's a pretty good wrestler, but the first time he was here he kept to himself and basically kept out of my way, which is a lucky thing for him, cause he may be 7 and 0, but I could take him easily! So, the "Enigmatic One" is a pretty good one, but he is not the best and if we ever tangled, believe me, I WOULD change the devil! PERMANENTELY!
[Paco is talking to the Tequila bottle…]
Paco: Can u believe this guy? Is he full of it or what? Huh, if I was a wrestler…oh? You're done? Oh, ok well interesting stuff you say there, uh-huh, you are a helluva speaker. Anyway back to last Friday. JH's best friend (sarcasm)was inducted into the Hall of Fame, and it was a great moment in ICWF History. The ICWF camera crew caught up with him backstage, and this is what Dean had to say about being inducted:
[Clip of Dean in the locker rooms.]
Dean: Well, it feels great! I remember when I first came into the ICWF, I had a lot of work to do, but I worked really hard, and look where I am at now. I want to tell all of you young guys, that it ain't easy fightin', and beatin' guys like Johnny Hunter, it is a lot of hard work, and takes extreme dedication. It don't matter how talented you are, or good lookin', or whatever, it takes hard work and dedication. That is what separates guys like me, Hunter, and SCSA from the rest of you. I see a lot of good upcoming newcomers here, and well, just get better, and work hard, and maybe you will be able to be called a Hall of Famer. I want to send some thanks out to Dougg, the man who makes this all possible, and to HOP, my boys! Without them, I wouldn't be shit.
Miller: Ok, well thank......
Dean: Wait up! I ain't done yet! I just want to say all of you get your asses to the PPV, and watch me retain my belt, watch Bad Blood win the tag titles, watch Rock beat up on JH, and watch Reid destroy that sucka Enigma. Oh, and how can I forget, watch Aggressive Angel successfully defend her title, yet again. Also, good luck to Terri Runnels, a new member of HOP. Dean & HOP rules, Now Can You Dig It!
[Back to Paco, who is finishing up his last beer.]
Paco: Man Dean is a helluva a guy, and Miller is an idiot!
JH: Yeah, whatever….
Paco: Well, Mr. I'm the shit…
JH: HEY! What did you say?
Paco: Man I'm out of beer! That's it, tell me Johnny Boy, what do you think about Dean being inducted into the Hall of Fame?
JH: (A frown comes on his face) Well, that's a good question Paco, and from the amount of booze you've had tonight, I'm surprised it came from you. Honestly though, I think that Dean is a superb athlete, and that is the only reason he beat me in that match at KOTR, but did you notice how at that ceremony, they mentioned that he was in the HOF mainly cause he beat ME, that's right Dean, As much as you want to deny it, we all know it's true, I MADE YOU. I made you what you are today, if you hadn't beat me at KOTR, then, you wouldn't be in the Hall of Fame, hell, you'd be lucky if you were not in a damn gutter! What I'm getting at Dean, is there is no place in the Hall of Fame for someone JUST because they beat me, I mean, come on, if we let in everyone who gets a few wins, the HOF will be over flowing. So, I do think that Dean is a great wrestler, but is he HOF material yet?? No way, maybe if he can put me down AGAIN, maybe then he will have what it takes, So Dean, just let it be known, I made you, and IWILL break you!
Paco: One tequila, two tequila, THREE!
JH: Are you listening to anything I say you bum?
Paco: NO! I mean yes, sorry that's the beer talking…(hiccup) Now, since we're on the H.O.P. subject, how do you feel about what they did, (burp) excuse me, to you this past Friday?
JH: I'm glad you brought this up, cause it's been making me mad for the last little while, HOP (looks directly into the camera) You guys showed your true colors on Friday night, and they were ALL YELLOW, I mean, taking me out like that just because I win, what kind of fan favorites are you?? You always talk about how disrespectful I am and how well mannered you are, well, I saw a new side of you Friday Dean, and you'd better just watch your back from now on, I'll leave it at that...
Paco: four tequila, five tequila, SIX! Oh, sorry again..(hiccup) Now, there is a rumor going around that you might be joining a group in the making called the Brotherhood, want to tell us about that?
JH: I considered it, but then I realize, I am not that type of person, I have my friends in this fed, being Jag, Brock and Cougar, and I have my enemies, being House of Pain, so Da Man, let's just say that your little group will not be our enemies, but not our friends either, just stay out of ours and we'll stay out of yours, and hell, maybe we'll even watch your back once in a while, but, The Misfits, are definitely not ones to be called Brothers....
Paco: Interesting, no really, I was very amused…(yawns) Folks, let's take a break and when we comeback, me and Johnny will talk about the up-coming matches for this Friday Night!
[Commercial about Corona beer]
[The shows comes back and the crowd is chanting Paco's name, who is taking Tequila shots as fast as he can…]
Paco: (burp) YEAH BABY YEAH! That was ten, can you do that huh Johnny Boy? Can you huh?
JH: Why in the hell would I want to?
Paco: Because!…well, you…hmm, well, be- oh nevermind.. Let's talk about Friday's card! (hiccup) In our first match we have, Kylo vs. Han Zo Mon, your thoughts Johnny?
JH: Ha, ha! What was the Owner thinking when he signed this one?? The fans could watch a documentary on pencils and it would be more interesting than this one is going to be....
Paco: Ok, I know it's hard but, can you try using your brain and give straight answers?
JH: Run that by me again?
Paco: I said I couldn't agree more! But I think that the new comer Kylo will take the win, HZM has been here for a while and is yet to win a match. Ok next, Hellraisers vs. Bad Blood?
JH: What?? Are you seriously asking me this?? Bad Blood may be a great team, but really, do you think they can beat two fellow Misfits?? HAHA! You really make me laugh you fat bastard.. NEXT question!
Paco: HEY! I'm 230 pounds of well proportioned mass, so you watch your mouth or!
JH: Or what?
Paco: Or, or… alright tequila! (gulp, gulp, gulp….burp) Ok, I got to disagree with you there, I think Bad Blood will beat Jag and his buddy, they are more experienced, and the HR is yet to make their presence felt. Ok next, Calypso vs. Terri Runnels?
JH: I've never been a fan of woman's matches before, I don't think woman belong in the ring, but, I'm gonna have to say that Terri Runnels will win this match....
Paco: I agree with you there with the match but unlike you, I LOVE ME SOME WOMEN WRESTLING! Have you seen this women? Man, oh man, you must be fixed or something….
JH: You're pushing it taco!
Paco: It's Paco, and I mean you should get your TV fix, so you can see this women in action, ok whatever.. next we have… Dark Night vs. Reid?
JH: I'm just angry that the TV title isn't on the line, that coward Reid can hide behind his non title matches all he wants, but one day he will loose that belt. He will however win this one, I have never heard of this Dark Night character, but his name sounds more like a movie than a wrestler!!
Paco: I don't know, the owner has said that if he beats Reid, he will add Dark Night to the TV title match at the PPV and make it a 3 way dance, so I'm gonna have to go with the rookie DK! Ok, now for the Main Event, Ruff Ryder vs. Enigma!
JH: Hmmm, don't really know, don't really care, I would have to say Enigma though, I mean, he is the veteran, and I've never seen them fight, but to tell ya the truth, I hope they both just beat the living hell out of eachother, that's what I'd like to see!
Paco: Well folks there you have, JH picks and my picks! Tune in Friday for Friday Night Heat, which is bound to get really HOT, please thank my guest JH because I sure as hell won't! GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!
JH: Ok that's it, come here!!!!
Paco: AHHH, legs don't fail me now…BURP!
[The show ends with JH chasing Paco to the back and the fans cheering……..]