Paco's Happy Hour

[Snow, that’s all you see in your TV screen.. snow… after a few seconds you get pissed off and decide to turn the channel, but just as you are about to a picture comes into view.. you see the outline of a box and on the corner you see a red dot with the word “recording” next to it. As the shoot comes clear, you realize you are looking at something.. but whatever it is you can’t quite make out as it is.. upside down.. “damn it” is heard as the picture starts moving, by now you have realized this is some sort of camcorder. It gets flipped in the right position and now you see a brown desk, a messy brown desk. It’s got all kinds of papers scattered over it… you see a few ICWF magazines.. some playboy magazines.. behind the desk you see a very nice bookshelf.. except that, instead of having books… it has.. liquor.. rows and rows of Liquor.. from Malt liquor to Whiskey to Smirnoff to Don’t Cuervo’s tequila.. “There we go!” is heard and then a figure walks right in front of the camera and then takes a seat behind the desk.. it’s Paco! He looks at the mess in the desk and simply slides everything out of the way. He places a notepad on the desk.. He then reaches behind him, you hear a few noises he then grabs a bottle of, you guessed it, Tequila. Don Cuervo’s of course. He turns around and has a tall glass with some Ice Cubes on it.. no shots for Paco any more, this stuff goes down like water. He serves the glass full and then places the bottle on the side.. he takes a long sip, goes through some, well, convulsions I guess and then places the glass next to the bottle.. he checks his papers, then looks at the camera.. he smiles and speaks.]
Paco: Hello my gente and welcome to this very special “pirate” edition of Paco’s Happy Hour! Today we will talk about Ultimate Survival 2 and the matches that are going down.. that’s right, NOT POSSIBLY going down, GOING DOWN. And speaking of going down, where is that trick? I paged her an hour ago?
[He looks at his watch and then taps his fingers as he thinks, he then rolls his eyes towards the camera and remembers he’s live..]
Paco: Oh right! Of course, don’t mind me! Hehe.. Uh let’s see here so let’s get down to business.. the first match we have known for quite a while… Electricity & Kingpin taking on Looks 2 Kill and Genocide.. Now what does Paco think of this match? Well let me tell you.. [BURP!] Excuse me.. this should be a good one and while Electricity has dominated Looks 2 Kill and Kingpin Genocide, I still think the underdogs have a good chance… I mean Genocide came within a hair of beating Kingpin for the IC title and Looks 2 Kill get closer to beating Electricity every time they meet. At Insane Massacre II L2K put on a hell of an effort and did what no team had been able to do, not even The Party Animals.. and that was pinning Electricity! Hell, they took out Andrew.. the big man is still in the hospital and if I was in the Elec. and Gen. side, I would be very concerned because Andrew might not make it to Ultimate Survival 2! So my pick on this one, you know I like upsets:

Genocide and L2K Survivors: Genocide and Alec BeGrod
Paco: Now that one we knew it was signed.. but now to the ones you didn’t know about.. the ones NO ONE knows about but me… Here we go… and this one might be the Survival match of the night… Total Damnation vs. Old School Revival! Who you say? Well you have PIC and Killa Kali, one crazy mofo let me tell you vs. Titan 3 and John Steel. Now I know what you are saying.. but that’s only two per team.. well true, but Total Damnation have a new member, Eric BeGrod… that’s right, the rookie… Now they haven’t “officially” said that he is their third member for the match, but believe Paco when he tells you… “I need another drink…”
[He grabs glass and gulps the rest down.. again he starts doing funny faces and shaking a bit.. he comes back to uh, normal… and continues..]
Paco: Sorry, now believe me when I tell you.. “BeGrod will be indeed in their corner..” Now who’s on T3’s corner? Who is the third member? Now I can’t really tell you who, but I will tell you this.. This Friday, at Heat.. the third member will be revealed and that’s no lie! And rumor has it, that he is a former ICWF Champion.. and a very good one at that… So this match in my view, is the match of the night. The two top stables in the ICWF going at it for sole supremacy… plus revenge is on the mind of Titan 3, after all.. it was PIC who cost him the World Title at IM2.. Oh yes my gente, this one has ASS KICKING written all over it… Now who does Paco think will win? Well kiddies here is my pick:

Old School Revival Survivors: T3
Paco: What’s that you say? Pretty bold pick? You damn right it is! That’s why I’m Paco and your not!
[Phone rings.]
Paco: Excuse me.. hello? Yeah this is him? Overdue rent? Two months? Eviction? Oh you want to talk to PACO! I’m sorry, he’s not here.. who is this? Uh, this is his uh, cousin.. yeah.. uh, Waco, yes, yes, Waco.. with a “Wa” Yes, yes, I’ll tell him you called..
[Hangs up..]
Paco: Stupid whore.. oh hey there fans! Don’t mind that, wrong number.. Ok the next match.. This one pins a bunch of lightweights who don’t like eachother.. but two have decided to put their differences aside and fight a good fight against well, a former murderer and now KIDNAPPER! or BEARNAPPER.. whatever… Jake Navaja became the most hated man in the ICWF at Insane Massacre II when he destroyed the lovable and hugable bear we all know as David… now David is ok, Canon put him back together but he vowed for revenge! Well Jake has been going after Canon, and not only Canon but El Linchador.. whom he also fought at Insane Massacre II.. Jake Navaja this past Friday kidnapped David AND El Linchador’s personal adviser, Guaniles Pena or something like that.. and he says that the only way he will return David and Guaniles is if they accept his challenge for a match at US2… His team, vs. theirs. El Linchador and Canon have agreed to the match so now it is set.. however… Canon and El Linchador have yet to name a partner.. and well, the roster is getting thinner and thinner by the second.. so who will they choose? Only time will tell… Jake on the other hand has a strong group… Two very promising rookies in Refused and Cody Bryant, who, debuts this Friday against Booch Freeman. Well here is my pick for this very, very open match:

El Linchador’s group! Survivors: Curt Canon and of course, David.
Paco: Now I know some of you are saying, this Paco, he’s too drunk to pick the right wrestlers.. well damn it PUNKS! I have been in this business for TWO YEARS! And I have been drunk those TWO whole years! And when I make a pick.. I am always…ALWAYS correct.. ok not always but most of the time.. ok some of the time, no I’m not going any lower.. I’m correct some of the time and that’s it.. Like the cliché goes.. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
[He reaches for his bottle.. pours the rest of the contents in.. he reaches behind him again, gets a couple of ice cubes and dumps them on his glass.. a knock is heard on the door.. Paco rolls his eyes but doesn’t answer.. the knock is heard again this time a little louder.. Paco curses and walks over.]
Paco: Who is it?
Voice: It’s the Gas company, we’re here to cut the gas..
Paco: Gas? Man go to your own damn bathroom you disgusting turd! You ain’t putting GAS on my apartment..! get the hell out of here..
Voice: Mr. Perez? Is that you? You are 4 months over due!! We know you work fo the ICWF and you make shits loads of money, just pay us damn it!!
Paco: uh [girly voice] No Paco aqui! Adios!
Voice: Damn it Mr. Perez! Open up!!
Paco: No hablo ingles, Next Doora por favor!
Voice: Ok that’s it, we’re leaving.. but when we come back we’re bringing the police!
Another voice: and immigration too!
Paco: ah kiss my ass..
[He flicks the door off and then walks back to the desk.. he seats down, takes a sip of his drink and then continues.]
Paco: Alright let’s get this join wrapped up.. now the last match.. has not been signed yet.. as you all know, Kriss Havok has formed a little group called “The Revolt” and this Revolt consists of Kriss Havok of course, Curt Canon, Kidd Foxx, Milo and Shane Skyler. Now The Revolt is a group pretty much like Total Damnation, meaning, they hate ODJ.. Poor guy, he pays these guys and they still hate him, go figure… anyway… They hate ODJ because according to them, ODJ has held them down.. So Kriss Havok has issued a challenged to ODJ… 3 of his boys vs. ODJ himself and two partners of his choosing… Now in The Revolt’s side you will Have Kriss Havok, Milo and Kidd Foxx.. Canon of course is fighting in another group.. and according to Skyler.. he’s “booked” already.. hmm.. anyway… Now like I said, the match is not official and the question everyone is asking is.. WILL IT? Well let’s call ODJ right now so we can put him on the “spot” per say..
[He reaches for his phone, dials a bunch of numbers… he talks to like five people before he finally gets through ODJ..]
ODJ: [on the phone] Hey Paco, how’s it going bud?
Paco: Great boss, just great.. listen, I’m calling you from my show Paco’s Happy Hour and we wanted to know about this challenge Havok made to you…
ODJ: PHH? Didn’t it get cancelled?
Paco: Nevermind that sir.. let’s talk about the challenge.. What did you think of Havok’s remark about being held down by you?
ODJ: Man that’s a bunch of crap and Kriss knows it… He talks about his mentor, Arryk Rage telling him I would try to hold him down.. Listen Paco, if you talk to an ass, you are going to get shit! Arryk Rage is one of the finest bullshiters out there.. if anyone held him down it was himself or perhaps HIS HUGE EGO! If Kriss Havok wants to believe him, fine.. I don’t really give a fuck…
Paco: So what about the challenge, do you accept?
ODJ: I swear Paco… I just got Total Damnation off my hands and now I have to deal with another bunch of wrestlers who ACT like I’m the bad guy yet they love the fed and their paychecks and everything they get.. man this pisses me off..
Paco: Come on ODJ.. everyone knows you can fight.. everyone knows that you are a retired wrestler, not by choice but by an old injury… Everyone knows too though, that you are clear to wrestle and you did wrestle last year…. TWICE! So stop givin’ me the run around mon.. DO YOU ACCEPT YES OR NO!!?
ODJ: Did you just yell at me Paco?
Paco: NO! I mean no sir, I sure didn’t.. it’s the tequila getting the best of me, you know how it goes..
ODJ: Yeah.. [deep breath] Fine… Havok wants to fight… I’ll give him a fight.. and not only will I give him a fight, I will kick his ass!
Paco: He accepts! You heard it here first folks! ODJ has accepted Havok’s challenge and now the second big question sir.. who are your partners going to be?
ODJ: I don’t know, but I have a pretty good idea.. actually, tell you what… You’ll know on FNH…
Paco: Well FNH just keeps building up to be the night of revelations! Well thanks for your time ODJ.. oh and one last question.. what about the World Title, when will you crown a new champion?
ODJ: ah yes, well since we’re live I will go ahead and say it now.. The winner of US2 will not only be the US2 winner but he will also be the BRAND NEW! World Heavyweight Champion! How you like that one Paco?
Paco: oh me like! Me like a lot! Thanks for your time ODJ!!
ODJ: Thanks for callin’ Paco.. oh one last think.. Havok… if you didn’t before… you can hate me now!
[ODJ laughs evilly on the phone and then hangs up.. Paco focuses on the camera as banging is heard on the door.. “DC POLICE” open up!!]
Paco: Well uh.. [gulp] I have to get going folks, thanks for tuning in to this special “pirate” edition of PHH! Oh right! My pick on the last match announced.. ODJ’s group of course.. NEVER, EVER! Bet against the boss, and that’s for real my gente!!
[The banging gets louder, “Police and immigration! Open up or we are going to break this door down!”]
Paco: Is violence really necessary? Anyway folks I’m out of here.. oh damn it.. For those of you who are wondering who is left to recruit for a team.. here are the names still available.. Mozz.. Tim Havock.. Pitbull and Pit Viper…
[The door gets knocked of it’s hinges.. “WHERE ARE YOU MR. Perez!? We have a warrant for your arrest and a possible deportation!!]
Paco: Ok, now I’m really out! My gente see ya at FNH! Ciao!!
[Paco grabs a couple of bottles and runs towards the window, he slides it open and jumps out.. the camera pans left and we see the officers looking around along with the men from the GAS company… “I gotta use the bathroom” says one as a car burning rubber is heard in the background.. scene fades to black.]

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