Paco: Excuse me narrator?
[Uh, yes?]
Paco: It’s a Sabletini!
[Well EXCUSE ME…]
[Crowd laughs]
[..he’s wearing a black tuxedo and has a SABLETINI on his hand. He gets the signal to begin, and does…..]
Paco: welcome my Gente to my happy hour!!!!!!!
[crowd cheers loudly]
Paco: We’re getting ready to par-tay! Tonight we will discuss what happen this past Friday, what I think will happen at the PPV and along with my guest tonight we will tell you who we think will win at the PPV. Speaking of my guest, he is a very, well how should I put it, there’s something electrifying about this guy, I don’t know you will all know who I’m talking about once you see him, so let’s take a break and we’ll be right back with Headline Newz!
[Commercials about PPV BAD BLOOD, and about Corona beer……]
[Show comes back on and Paco is sitting in his chair behind his Happy Hour desk.]
Paco: We’re back everyone and it’s time for ICWF Headline Newz! In this segment I will discuss or rather, brief you on what happened on Friday Night Heat, and what is happening in the world of the ICWF.
Paco: Enigma to join Arryk Rage? This past Friday Night Arryk came to Enigma’s aid when he was getting beat by Bad Blood, and after he cleared the ring, he offered Enigma a T-shirt, symbolizing that he wanted Enigma to join him on his Stable. Will he? Time will tell but so far Enigma has yet to give Arryk an answer.
Paco: Ever since returning to the ICWF Enigma has been getting involved with everyone in the fed. He seems to have a hateful relationship with Bad Blood, but the question on everyone’s mind is WHY? There is no history between the Rock or Stone Cold with Enigma, but my gut tells me that I need a beer, no just kidding, my gut tells me that there is more to this story, I guess we have to wait and see.
Paco: Another story relating to Enigma is his two fights coming up at the PPV, he has to face Reid for his title in a TV Match, and 3 other men in a four corners match for the HardKore Title. So what this means it’s that Enigma could come out of Bad Blood as a double champion or get his first two losses ever! well will that happen? Reid and Enigma have yet to exchange words, so there’s something fishy going on there, plus check this.. Ruff Ryder had sent a letter to the ICWF Committee saying that he wanted out of the 4 corners match, what’s the deal with that? No one knows, but when it comes to anything involved with Enigma, things get weird, very weird, I guess at the PPV all of our questions will be answer! Folks I’m out of Sabletinis so that means I have to break open the case of Stevewisers I brought with me today, so stay in your sits and I’ll be back!
[Commercials on: Friday Night Heat and Don Cuervo’s Tequila]
Paco: Welcome back folks and the last thing on my Headlines list is this, will the H. O. P. be D.O.N.E. at the P.P.V.? Reason for me believing this is 3 words, Dean vs. Austin. I mean have you seen the words these two guys have been saying to eachother? I mean it’s like they hate each other’s guts! The H.O.P. has become the most powerful force here in the ICWF, and I must say even the Owner says, their dominance is over powering. Wow? These Stevewisers are damn good, I’m coming out with big words, my vocab is expanding. Folks, screw hooked on phonics, get hooked on Stevewisers!
[crowd laughs]
Paco: Well since we’re in the H.O.P. Subject, let’s bring out one of it’s members, he is my guest tonight, and I’m his #1 one fan, please welcome (takes a sip from his beer) THE ROCK!
[Crowd cheers as the Rock comes out wearing his usual over expensive clothes. Paco does his “I’m not worthy ritual” and the Rock gives him the people’s eyebrow. Paco offers to shake hands but the Rock sits down…]
The Rock: Ok.. Ok...before this interview even starts ..you can be a fan...The Rock is happy to have a drunk on his side...but, you lay one hand on The Rock...and...it's over....
Paco: Oh c’mon! I’m your #1 fan! I got to get some privileges with the Great One….
The Rock: The Rock says don't touch....but, tell ya what.. The Rock will do this.. he's gonna put PACO on his elbow pad, and when he drops it on JH...you'll know.. that you.. were apart of history ..and if your lucky, The Rock will actually come looking for you.. and hand it to ya.... But.. don't touch The Rock..
Paco: All I want to do is shake the Rock’s hand? Is that so bad crowd?
Crowd: NO!!!!!!!!!
The Rock: Ok that’s fine, the Rock says you can shake hands with the great one if it will make your drunken ass happy.
Paco: Ok now let’s get down to business, first, you want a beer?
The Rock: The Rock doesn’t drink that cheap ass stuff.. besides.. he has his own..
Paco: What about Tequila?
The Rock: The Rock says, he doesn't drink where a damn worm crawls around...nasty.
Paco: Ok let’s get to some questions than. First, you are going up against the former World Heavyweight Champion and current Intercontinental Champion, any thoughts?
The Rock: The Rock says....that it's gonna be a great match, 2 of the best competing.. and well, only one will come out the champ, and the other the chump, we just have to see who will be what.
Paco: Ok, (opens another beer) So what do you think of the current Champ, Johnny Hunter?
The Rock: Johnny Hunter, Johnny Hunter....What a d**k...The Rock feels that he's such a stuck up brat, that it's unreal, I mean.. Come on.. how many times.. has he whined.. cause he didn't get his bottle.. the guy’s a loser, and he doesn't deserve to have the IC Title...I feel that he's gonna be a sorry champion.. just like he was when he was the World Champion...and He's just an all around loser, who couldn't do a damn thing.... as a matter of fact.. is The Rock sittin’ in the chair he sat in.. Cause....The Rock will have to take another bath and vaccinations if he did...Cause.. that's nasty... Anyway.. You know.. The Rock has watched this guy, and believe me...he's a loser, he couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag, he'd probably squall till the air ran out.. then drop like a bag of monkey crap to the floor, If you people want a retard for a champion.. you might as well have JH ..but if you people want a real champ, a people's champ ..The Rock says.. cheer him on.. and he won't let you down.. What do you think Paco...isn't JH just scum.. a smart ass, does he deserve to fight with The Rock?
Paco: Well……
The Rock: No...The Rock didn't think so...The Rock thinks that he's the biggest ass on the planet.. and well, that's all there is to it.. The Rock knows that he's watching.. thinking to himself.. hey.. What an ass am I ...bla, bla, bla.. well, The Rock says.. come tomorrow.. you won't live to see.. however the hell old you are.. plus one. The Rock is gonna literally beat your ass.....he's gonna dismantle you.. and show you, that he's the champ, your the chump, and that's it.. The Rock has had it.. with your ass, The Rock wants you to listen Hunter, and Listen Good, The Rock's gonna beat you down.. He's gonna tear your monkey ass up.. and that's gonna be the way it is..
Paco: Wow, I am enlighten by your words, thank you oh Great One!
The Rock: The Rock thinks that your monkey ass is being sarcastic, is that so Paco?
Paco: OH-NO Great one, not ever! (opens another Stevewisers and drinks away…) So how (burp) excuse me, how exactly do you feel about fighting for the IC strap?
The Rock: ell, Paco...first, get that damn beer outta your mouth.. damn.. you act just like Austin drinking that cheap ass filth!
Paco: I do!? Well I’m honored to be in the same drinkin’ level as the toughest S.O.B., I do love my Stevewisers!
The Rock: Oh please you Candyass...here, Have a glass of Wine..
Paco: Wine? What do you think I am? Some punk rich kid? Some snob? Some too high price shirt wearing elect… he, he… think I should stop know, thanx for the drink your greatness, now about that IC thing…
The Rock: Jabroni, now, The Rock says.. it's an honor to be fighting for the IC Title.. The Rock is honored, and it's a big opportunity for The Rock to show what he's made of. Yes, it will be The Rock's first title...and what a title it is...The Rock knows this title will mean a lot to him...and he hopes he can share it....with.. well, no body...all you people can get a life, if you think The Rock gives a damn.. cause he doesn't ..he just cares for The Rock.. and The Rock feels that that title will set The Rock up for bigger and better things in the future, that he can use.. and he can accomplish more...
Paco: UH-HUH! Testify you Great One! Now, can I have some more wine?
The Rock: sure you drunken bum!
Paco: Now we’re gonna go to commercial and we will…..
The Rock: now wait a damn minute Jabroni, we need to talk about something before we go….
Paco: Ok…
The Rock: the Rock wants to show off his new Cologne...
Paco: Oh really?
The Rock: Yes, O Da Rocko!!!
[fans cheer as he gives Paco a sample]
The Rock: Here try some Jabroni….
Paco: It smells like, like…..?
The Rock: The Rocks says is the smell of money! Since girls know that smell.. and you smell rich guys.. with money .. get the Rock?
Paco: ? ….uh…. sure, sure I do…..(drinks another Stevewisers) Uh well, ok O DA ROCKO everybody!
[few people clap, and then the Rock raises his eyebrow and a big ovation gets started, then the show goes to commercial….]
Paco: We’re back everyone and with me if you just joined us the MOST ELEC--
The Rock: HEY! Don’t do that…….
Paco: Ok, I got me some tequila, so you all know what that means!
Crowd: TEQUILA SUNRISE!
Paco: I love my crowd.
The Rock: and the Rock would love to put his foot on your Candyass but let’s just get on with the show!
Paco: Ok, what do I have next? Let’s see, oh ok let’s talk about the PPV matches! Yeah that’s it, boy I need some tequila, hold on Rock….(takes a shot) ahhh, that’s better. Ok now, this PPV should be an unforgettable one, so let’s talk about it, yes?
The Rock: ok, but you’re starting to piss the Great One off!
Paco: Sorry, ok first match we have, the Women’s Battle Royal!
The Rock: ha, ha, ha.. The Rock actually doesn't care who wins... but.. The Rock will say this....if ANY of the PARTICIPANTS in that match.. feel tired.. or cramped....you just come to The Rock...and he'll Show you How Great He Is well except for that LarYsa or whatever.. she sounds like a dude......ha, ha, ha.. but enough about that.. If The Rock was to pick a winner.. he'd say... and.. not just because The Rock likes their body more or anything.. but.. hmmm... dunno.. tuffy... The Rock wants them all... To win he means....not well nevermind.. what about it Paco? Who do you think will win?
Paco: Well,
The Rock: Oh.. well, whatever.. The Rock doesn't care...just whoever..
Paco: Ok, well I think the lovely Sable will win it, she’s the veteran!
[crowd cheers]
Paco: next we have Enigma vs. Reid?
The Rock: ...hmm... This will be a tuffy.. but The Rock will go with Reid.. since he's a fellow hopper, and he's with The Rock.. and the fact that The Rock hated Enigma...and he's a candy ass.
Paco: really? I disagree, I think Enigma will rip Reid a new hole, nothing personal of course!
The Rock: Care to re-think that Jabroni?
Paco: uh.. yeah… I think Reid will win, he’s the champion! Yeah HOP!
The Rock: better………
Paco: Next we have, you vs. Johnny Hunter!
The Rock: The Rock wonders who'll win??????????....hmmm.. OH YEAH..THE ROCK..DUH...JH..WON'T BE ABLE TO STAND THAT HEMROID BOY..MUCH LESS FIGHT THE ROCK..
Paco: Well, some what I agree, I guess, I don’t know what you meant, but I think you can pull it off, ok now we have the 4 corners match!
[before the Rock can finish speaking someone comes out wearing a Johnny Hunter mask. He tries to fight The Rock but he quickly gets his ass kicked, then the Rock to the crowd’s cheers throws on the people's elbow! The fans and Paco are going crazy and then the Rock unmasks the guy….]
Paco: what the hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
[The guy turns out to be miller! The Rock and Paco stare at each other.. then Paco says..]
Paco: Miller what the hell? What is your damn problem?
[he takes a long drink of Tequila straight from the bottle!]
Miller: Sorry, I just wanted to be part of the show, that's all…..
Paco: Ok, you want to be part of the show huh? You want to play? You want to play rough? Ok mon, I can play rough, you filthy cockroach!!!!!!!!!!
[With that Paco gets on top of Miller and they start brawling on the floor, the Rock and the rest of the crowd start to laugh, as the camera crew tries to break the fight and the camera fades off…….]
******TO DO TECHNICHAL DIFFICULTIES WE MUST STAY OF THE AIR FOR A BIT, BUT THE SHOW WILL CONTINUE……********
[The show comes back with shots of the back parking lot, police are taking Miller away. The camera comes back to the inside where you see the Rock sitting down laughing at Paco, and the crowd cheering Paco’s name. Paco is sitting behind his desk…]
Paco: Ok, ok, we’re back and where were we before we were rudely interrupted!
The Rock: the Rock says he was about to tell you who he thinks will win the 4 way hardcore match…
Paco: than please do so…(takes a long hard drink of Tequila.)
The Rock: 4 corners match.. hmm.. The Rock thinks that all 4 of these people are Jobbers.. they all suck.. and they won't make a match.. they'll make a America's Most Stupidest Wrestler Video.. with this match...but.. if The Rock had to pick a winner.. it'd be.....Enigma.. he does have the upper hand...being a little better..
Paco: A little? I think he’s gonna kick their asses! (takes another hard shot..)
The Rock: wow, take it easy there you Candyass! You gonna kill yourself!
Paco: If someone is to dye, it would be Miller! Enough of that, what do we have next, ah, ok, The World Title match….
The Rock: for the world title.. that will be close, but The Rock goes with SCSA cause he's my team mate.. and The Rock has to stick behind him.. even though The Rock has Deans back and all....but other than that...SCSA..
Paco: I think it will be close too(hiccup) but unlike you great one, I’m gonna go with Dean.. Do you think this will break up H.O.P.?
The Rock: The Rock doesn't think HOP will break. The Rock thinks it will stay united...and just because Austin and Dean fight.. doesn't mean that the HOP will break up, because it's not gonna happen.. The HOP stand united...it's like the saying.. "UNITED WE STAND..UNITED WE FALL, HOUSE OF PAIN..GOD BLESS US ALL" That's The Rock and HOP's saying...The Rock knows that HOP won't break apart.. and that's all there is to it.
Paco: OH! We forgot one match! The Tag Team Hardcore Titles!
The Rock: your candyass knows damn well that we will win those!
Paco: I agree, you know what’s funny about the Hardcore Tag Titles, and I was talking to the Owner about this, teams are always excited about wining them, but once they win them, they loose interest, and in their first title defense, they loose them and the team that beats them for the belts, loose interest too. It’s like they don’t mean much to teams…
The Rock: Well the Rock says to that.. well piss on that because the Rock don’t give two pieces of monkey crap about that!
Paco: Ok then, before we go Rock, I have to ask you this, back to the Enigma subject. Why the attacks back and forth?
The Rock: The Attacks, like The Rock says.. you know.. he attacks The Rock.. he doesn't know why....maybe because he's a candy ass, or something...and when he does, The Rock attacks back, because that's how The Rock Is....The Rock doesn't know...
The Rock: So what do you really, honestly think about him?
Paco: Enigma...The Rock hardly knows the Candy Ass, and already The Rock hates him.. The Rock doesn't know.. but there's something about him The Rock hates.. maybe it's because he's trying to act like a great person.. when there is only 1 Great One.. The Rock dunno, it's just that, Well The Rock really has nothing to say about him, he gets into The Rock business.. and his little green ass will pay...that's all there is to it...The Rock does know this though.. He's stupid for thinking he can be as good as The Rock... AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING.. everyone in this place, wants a piece of The Rock.. well listen here Jabronies.. you gotta wait your turn.. cause even though he's sooooooooooo great.. he's still human...kinda...and he can't take on the world at one time.....so, just back off , and you'll have your turn...so.. just wait..
Paco: YEAH!(burp) everyone wants to be like Mike…err… The Rock… So folks that…
[The lights start to turn on and off…]
Paco: What the?
The Rock: It better not be that candyass Miller again!
[Then from the crowd comes Enigma wearing regular street clothes, he steps in the set and goes over to where the Rock is, The Rock gets up and they are face to face…]
Paco: Oh shit! (takes a few tequila shots)
Enigma: So you think you are better than the Enigmatic one huh? Well Enigma says you are full of crap!
The Rock Well The Rock says get out of his spotlight you candy ass, before the rock kicks your monkey ass...
Enigma: Is that right monkey boy? Well The Devil would like to see you try!
[fans cheer!]
The Rock: Well, that does it...The Rock’s gonna layeth the smacketh down...
[They start to exchange blows and you see Paco run out of the way, he goes to a camera and gets a x-treme close up!]
Paco: WE GOT TO GO, SEE YA AT THE PPV!!!!!
----off the air---------