Paco: Hello my gente! Welcome to another edition of Happy Hour, I am your host Paco. Folks what great things are going around this fed huh? I mean is the ICWF growing or is it growing? Well wherever I’m trying to say…I’m lost. Folks tonight my guest is none other then Stone Cold Steve Austin!
[crowd cheers]
Paco: That’s right the Texas Rattle Snake will be going up against Johnny Hunter for the third time! Will it be 3 times a charm? Who knows, we will ask him but right now it’s time for headline news!!
Next on our list we have the feud of Scorpion and Kylo with Hell Hawk, but let’s be frank, is this really a feud? Where is HH? Where is Kylo? Scorpion doesn’t know, and this is driving him crazy, we caught up with Scorpion and asked him about this, this is what he had to say:
"I don’t know where he is, but he better show up Friday, they both better show up Friday!"
[crowd: LET THEM FIGHT! LET THEM FIGHT! LET THEM FIGHT!]
yeah! Ok another beer for that! Man, I better wait for Austin or I might pass out before he gets here. Now that we have talked about feuds, why don’t we talk about these new alliances. On one hand we have the H.O.P. formed by Reid, Terri and Cleopatra. Rumor has it that this stable is looking for new members and it will soon grow, will it? Only time will tell. On the other hand we have the MoB who just recently formed but has already lost one member! That’s right Aggressive Sexy Angel has departed from the group after she and Dean had several arguments. No one knows for sure what went on there but it sure wasn’t pretty. Next we have the Doomsday Alliance, who just lost their leader do to an injury, Johnny Hunter has taken over but taken over what? The stable is now a duo with only him and Scorpion in it, and of course JH’s bodyguard Brock. This stable is also looking for new members. Last in my list is the newly formed Damage Inc., who in my opinion should be called the J.O.B. Squad but hey!? What do I know? Their leader being the new comer Mercyful Fate, who has recruited other rookies in the form of Mozz Man and Virus along with one of the not so new wrestlers Harkore King. Who else is going to join them? Well Badd Ass has been offered a spot as well as Calypso, but will they accept? Like always say, only time will tell!!!!!!!
Folks it’s time to take a break, I will pop up the tequila and when we return, Stone Cold we’ll be joining us and we will be having a drinking beer derby!!!!!!
Paco: Lets welcome a man who has great taste, Stone Cold Steve Austin!
[The Glass Shatters as Stone Colds theme, Hell Frozen Over, begins. Stone Cold comes out and the fans begin cheering. Paco meets Stone Cold half way, Paco reaches his arm out looking for a handshake, but Stone Cold then stares at his hand, then looks up at Paco. Paco slowly places his hand to his side, then they both sit down]
Paco: Welcome Stone Cold, man I first off would like to say... you've got great taste.
SCSA: What the hell did you just say... are you hitting on me?!
Paco: Eeeeek... No!. I'm talking about beer homes, I'm talking about beer!
SCSA: You better be, ya stinkin' bastard. I could use some beer right now.
Paco: Well say no more here ya go!!!
[Austin pops one open and the crowd cheers him on]
SCSA: Your ass better have more then one beer for Austin because if you don’t I’m bound to put this boot right here straight up your ass!!
Paco: Hey!? C’mon Steve, you are talking to Paco the drinkin’ Time Bomb, you know I am loaded.
SCSA: Well that’s damn good son, now let’s get on with the show.
Paco: Right on, why don’t you tells about Austin’s history…
SCSA: If you want to know Stone Colds past, I'll give it to ya. Well, I always wanted some way to whoop some ass and drink a hell of a lot of beer in public and not get arrested. That pretty much led me to wrestling. I went around from federation to federation whoopin' some ass and breakin' a hell of a lot of glass. What the hell more do you need to know, ya little bastard!. If you got a problem with kicking peoples ass and drinking beer, then I got some sign language intended for ya *Raises the birdies*.---
Paco: I couldn’t agree more, man we have so much in comment, here grab another cold one, and me too. I gotta ask you this before we go any further, what’s your favorite drink besides beer?
SCSA: Well, you better not be ruling out all alcoholic beverages, because that’s all I drink. I've heard your brand of Tequila can really hit the spot.
Paco: Man, you are my new hero, screw the Rock, Austin is my new role model, let’s drink another cold one!
SCSA: Hell yeah son, but don’t let your fat ass pass out!
Paco: Man I can’t take, speaking of the Rock , what’s up with you and him, what’s the situation with Bad Blood?
SCSA: What the hell do you mean what is the situation?!. We're the God damn champs, ya stupid son of a bitch. What more do you want from us, we've whooped everyone’s ass and if you want Bad Blood to run through you, so be it, ya stinkin' jackass!. Bad Blood is the best damn tag team there is, and if you best not have a problem with it!.--
Paco: Ok, I see you have had a lot of caffeine today, oh boy, are you looking to form a stable or get into a stable?
[Stone Cold first stares at Paco for a moment, then begins yelling at him]
SCSA: What are you some new form of jackass?!. I've joined all the stables and I've single handedly brought most of those sons a bitches to their knees. First I whooped The Wolfpac, shortly after I nearly dismantled the HOP, then I completely destroyed The Corporate Team. Stone Cold is fine whoopin' ass with just The Rock for the mean time, but if any stable wants us knocking on their doors, we'll do it... then we'll whoop your ass's!. Next Question!--
[Paco is on the cell phone]
Paco: Hello? Yes can you send me a thermos full of decaf coffee? Yes ASAP, I got someone here who needs some..
SCSA: What the hell was that you little bastard!?
Paco: Nothing Mr. Whoop Ass, a beer?
SCSA: OH HELL YEAH!
Paco: ahh, O K, I’ll take one too.(hiccup) Who do you think will win the Rumble?
SCSA: Well, personally I couldn't give one, two, or three damns about it. I'm not in it, therefore it doesn't concern me... but since The Rock is in it I'll bet on him. Otherwise that Rumble consists of many jackass's and many handfuls of chump change. I could whoop anyone’s ass in their anyway, so I don’t care. And if any of you want a shot at me, come get some, ya filthy son of a bitches!. I could enter that Rumble with one arm tied behind my back, and still come out the damn freakin' champion.--
Paco: Man you sound like Hunter!
SCSA: Paco, son, don’t you go on and piss Stone Cold off because he’s bound to open a can of whoop ass on you!
Paco: NO! wouldn’t want that, (drinks another beer) Speaking of Hunter, what are you feelings on fighting him for the third time?
SCSA: Johnny Hunter is a jackass and that’s all there is to it. The only reason he ever beat me once is because Girly Boy Brock had to stick his fat ass in the way. Hunter thinks he can beat me once more but I'll cram my foot so far up his ass, I'll have to reach down his throat to untie my boot. Hunter is nothing more than a carbon copy rip off of Stone Cold, with the obvious fact... HE SUCKS!. I'll whoop his ass once and for all and be the next damn champion, I'm hell bent on being the champ and not even God himself can prevent me from whooping his ass and being the God damn stupid son of a bitch, mother f*cking, piece of stupid sh*t, frickin' Champion!. And that's all I got to say about that!.--
Paco: Do you think 3 times will be a charm?
[Stone Cold places his face in his hands, he then looks up and at Paco]
SCSA: What?! You're looking at me like you're part retarded, ya little bastard. What the hell kind of question is that? You must be stupider than a box of rocks! Do I find three times a charm, well to answer your damn question. OH HELL NO!. It could be ninth time, it could be the fifth time, it won't change the damn outcome I'll whoop his ass to high hell and become the next damn champion. You can't stop me, Hunter can't stop me, the little son of a bitch who can barely center that camera won't stop me. I will be the damn champion, whether anybody likes it or not!--
Paco: why don’t we (hiccup) change the subject, so you don’t get all worked up. Let me open up this bottle of tequila, so we can feel better.
SCSA: Now you are talking son…
Paco: You know one thing that mixes well with Tequila is women, and women seem to love you Stevie (burp) how do you feel about all the women liking you? (hiccup)
[Stone Cold first gives off his prize-winning smirk, then replies]
SCSA: Well, what can I say. I suppose it's because I know how to get the job done and I do it right. And by the time I'm through they're out Stone Cold.
Paco: Errr... isn't that bad?
SCSA: Shut up, ya little jackass, not when it comes from me, dammit.--
Paco: Ok than! Man what temper, I thought beer and talking about women would do him good but I guess not!
SCSA: What’s that you are mumbling there son?!
Paco: That we are ready for commercial, we’ll be right back!!!
Paco: what? Huh? Oh sorry, we’re back folks and it’s time that me(hiccup) and Austin (burp) tell you who do you think will win tonight and why, ready Austin?
SCSA: yeah, throw me another beer.
Paco: I mean ready for the picks?
SCSA: Yeah that too.
Paco: Ok then, first we have…….
SCSA: You want to hear what Stone Cold has to say, you got it. But first let me set the record straight, I couldn't give two damns about any of these jackass's.
Paco: Alright, we got Badd Ass versus Kroller...
SCSA: I'll go with Badd Ass just because he was going to be my partner.
Paco: Okie then, I’ll pick Badd Ass too, Dean versus Harkore King...
SCSA: unless you're stupider than a donkey's ass you know who wins.
Paco: I’m not stupid so I’ll go with Dean. Next Virus versus The Mozz?
SCSA: hell, who cares they're both a couple of bastards anyhow, throw me another beer.
Paco: I’ll try, but the box keeps moving……
SCSA: That’s your dumbass who is drunk as hell son!
Paco: OH! Like you are not drunk!?
SCSA: Do you want to fight me son? Cuz that’s what it sounds like, you want some of Austin!?
Paco: Not unless it’s a stevewiser! Next we have Calypso versus Terri…
SCSA: well since Terri's got some jackass boyfriend, I'll go with Calypso.
Paco: I couldn’t agree more(hiccup) ok, Kylo and Scorpion versus Hell Hawk and God only knows.
SCSA: I'm going to say this, all of them are just a big group of fat retarded bastards, so I don't give a rats ass who wins, I just hope they all get there heads caved in and then I'll never have to see them again.
Paco: I can’t pick this one either so, anyway, lastly, Ruff Ryder vs. Lurrr.
SCSA: a match when two fat sons a bitches collide we get Ruff Ryder versus Lurrr. Well, I whooped Ruff Ryder’s ass and got his title, and Lurrr just reminds me of a jackass. Lurrr will probably come out on top mainly because he's the only one out of those two sons a bitches I haven't whooped... yet.--
Paco: Sorry to disagree but I’m going to have to go with Ruff Ryder, even thought they are pretty well matched, he’s got the edge on Lurrr. There you have folks our picks, let’s take another break and we will return with PACO’s 5Q!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Paco: WHAT THE HELL!??!??!
[crowd can’t stop laughing as Austin wakes up to.]
SCSA: You say you wanna raise some hell?! Damn my head son…
Paco: ah, I think I wet myself, anyways I think is time for my 5 q’s, right crowd?
[crowd: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Paco: Ok, ready Stevie?
SCSA: OH HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!
Paco: Damn man, you don’t have to scream every f’n time! Ok first q, which female wrestler would you date?
SCSA: Well, Cleopatra is great... but I'm going to have to go with Aggressive Angel. She's got a cutting edge appeal to her, ya know what I mean.
[Stone Cold nudges Paco with his elbow, and grins]
SCSA: She's got the looks and she knows how to "wrestle"--
Paco: Oh yes she does, a toast!
SCSA: OH HEL---
Paco: Alright, ALRIGHT! Next question, what’s the capital of Guatemala?
SCSA: Guate... what?. Who the hell cares about some damn loser country. Why the hell would I waste my damn time talking about some damn loser country off on the other side of the world, Jesus Christ, son, ask another damn question like that and you'll have a can opened and served directly to your stinkin' ass!.--
Paco: Well for your information(hiccup) is in Central America, not on the other---
SCSA: I said next question SON!
Paco: Ok, what was Cheech and Chong’s First Movie?
SCSA: Cheech and Chong, who the hell are they? You're relatives or something... oh you're talking about those two jackass's. How the hell am I supposed to know, why the hell would I watch some damn movie about a couple of crack heads?. The only movies I watch involve, Hunting, Whoopin' Ass, and Drinkin' Beer. I don't know what the first movie was called... Up In Smoke or something like that.--
Paco: Yeah, just like your title shots, ha, ha!!!
SCSA: SON! You little bastard you must be thirsty for an ass whoppin’ well Austin is bound to fix you one if you don’t start acting like a JACKASS!
Paco: Ok, third, when you won the TV title, what did you do?
SCSA: I got pissed, what more do you need to know?.
Paco: You got pissed for winning the title? (BURP!!!) O….K…. last question, is there anything between SCSA and The Rock?
SCSA: What the hell did you just say?!. Hell No!. I should whoop your ass right here and right now just for sayin' that ya little bastard. You're lucky I'm already more than half tanked, so whoopin' your ass would be somewhat hard. But if you think there is something between us then you're a f*ckin' jackass. You and Miller probably have a little relationship going on, probably fooling around, maybe a little bit of those "Backdoor Shenanigans". You know what? To hell will that, I think I will open a can of whoop ass on you! Come here you jackass!!!!!!!!!
Paco: Well it looks like this show is about over, stay tune for Friday Night Heat, I’m out!!!!!!!!!!
[the show ends with Austin chasing Paco to the backstage area, Paco is fast but not fast enough as Austin catches up with him, the camera fades to black………]