Paco's Happy Hour

[the show starts with Paco sitting behind his desk like always.]
Paco: Hello my gente and welcome to another edition of….
Crowd: PACO’S HAPPY HOUR!!!!!!!!!!
Paco:that’s right, folks tonight we got a lot of ground to cover so let’s get started by getting down to some news!!!!

Paco:So what’s new? Well let’s start off with departures. First we have Badd Ass, after seeing that he just didn’t cut it in the ICWF, Billy has decided to leave us, well Billy, BYE! Next we have Hell Hawk, he is having some personal problems so he has to leave us too, well Hell Hawk we wish you well and hope you get all your problems worked out. Next is, is……? I guess that’s it, ok good. Well next in our news is the suspension of both Reid and Razor. Both of these top contenders’ suspensions end Monday, and with that they are making their return to the ring Friday night. Reid will face Damage Inc. leader Mercyful Fate while Razor returns to Tag Competition along with Dean to face the X-Treme Team. It will be interesting to see how these two fair after being out for so long. Also in the news today is SCSA, many say that the beer drinking fellow might be contemplating retirement. After having an up and down career here in the ICWF he feels as thought he is ready to call it quits. He has said and I quote: “My retirement will depend on what happens Tuesday Night Fights.” You ask yourselves what is happening TNF? Well he puts his Television title on the line against none other then the rookie, Scorpion. This is Scorpion’s first title shot here in the ICWF and after being 5-0 the owner feels he deserves a shot, so you can be sure the rookie will be training hard but what if he wins? Will we see the last of Austin? We already saw his buddy BABG departing, and if he leaves what will happen to the Tag Titles he holds with the Rock? I guess we’ll have to wait until Tuesday Night to find out. In other news, what happen to Mercer and the other loser who hosted TNF? They got the BOOT that’s what happened, why? For being irresponsible bastards, in my personal opinion I think that Austin “Danger” Powers and Joe Smith will do just wonderful. Next on the news is Stables. We have a few of them right now and all of the ICWF roster seems to be picking sides, the Owner has been looking at what’s going on and is thinking about coming up with Stable titles. This will be great news for Stable members but will it happen? It is said that the owner is as close as signing the deal as the Rock is of gaining the World Title from JH, but that’s just my personal opinion. Speaking of titles, a new singles title to be added and to have the new champ crowned at the upcoming PPV? The Owner has also been thinking about this because of the rapid growth of the federation, however as many of the wrestlers in the back say, all we are getting is a bunch of jobbers! Well will the owner create a Jobber’s title? Ha, ha, that would be interesting! Folks that’s all the news I have for right now, let’s take a break and when we come back we’ll talk about feuds!!!

Paco: Let’s talk Feuds now!!!! Well obviously the feud between Kroller and BABG has ended but Kroller not being one to wait for a challenge has gone after the Mozz now! These two have been exchanging words, and next Friday night they meet in a Coal Miners match, interesting huh? Yes indeed. Who else is feuding let’s see…… oh yeah, Scorpion! The guy who don’t have the cojones to face the Rock, oh wait actually he does, last night after the Great One, the People’s Champion, the electrifying one, the Rock! Ok, after he beat Kroller, Scorpion came out and this is what he said:
Scorpion: Now Rock, I asked you the other day if you smelled what I was cooking but obviously you didn’t! So Rock let me explain to you what I mean, you want to fight me, you are desperately seeking me to kick your teeth in, well Rock, I say that if you want to fight with the Scorpion there is only one place I will do it on, look up at the big screen and I hope you can smell it this time, and Rock, remember that’s the ONLY place.
Paco: After this, the logo for the upcoming PPV, Clash of the Champions came on. So what this means is that Scorpion will only fight the Rock he says, if it is at the PPV, it also means that he would challenge the Rock for the IC title because everyone knows, that only title matches will take place at the PPV. But get this, the Rock says he will not fight Scorpion at the PPV because he has bigger fish to fry, that fish being Johnny Hunter whom he faces next Friday night for the World Title. Plus, the stipulation is, if JH wins The Rock must give the IC title to Scorpion! So I guess if this happens they will have to meet at the PPV for the IC title if the Rock wants it back but if JH loses then he gets the IC title, it’s a win-win situation for Johnny Hunter but not quite the same for The Rock. Back to Scorpion and he’s “live” feud, tomorrow night he goes up against the man who screwed him a couple of weeks ago in a tag match, Kylo. He has said in resent weeks that he hates Kylo, but on the other hand Kylo doesn’t understand why Scorpion hates him so much. Gee think for a little you crack head! Well, all I can say is that tomorrow night, in that hell in a cell match, Kylo will find out quickly so he better be ready. Another feud that seems to never end is the one between Calypso and the whole women’s division. Calypso faces Cleopatra tomorrow, who is coming off a lost to former friend and current champion Aggressive Angel. Cleopatra hasn’t been the same ever since her and AA become enemies and people say that Cleopatra frankly has just lost interest in wrestling. Well this opens the doors wide for Calypso, because if she wins, she gets the title shot she has been waiting for, for a long time at the PPV. There are other feuds brewing here in the ICWF but we’ll wait until they escalate to that next level and then we will talk about them, right now let’s take a break and we will be right back with my special guest of tonight!

Paco:Ok my gente please welcome my guest this evening, he is the current 2 time Hardcore Champion and the former TV champion…….. Ruff Ryder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Ruff Ryder comes wearing regular street clothes and has the Hardcore Title over his shoulder. The fans cheer loudly as he walks towards and shakes hands with Paco. They both have a sit and Paco quickly pops open the Tequila and drinks away.]
Paco:Well (burp) Ruff, thanking your for coming, I know you’re a busy man (sights) so we appreciate you charming us with your presence.
Ruff Ryder:Glad to be here Paco.
Paco:Yes I’m sure, ok let’s get started. Tell us about your past.
Ruff Ryder:Well Paco you see I was born in New York City . I had a lot of freedom as a kid. I got into a lot of fights then I might a man by the name of Tim Rose . He owned a gym he took me under his win and I learned to how to wrestle. I then spent time with some other feds before landing in the ICWF.
Paco:Very interesting, tell me what has been your biggest thrill so far here in the ICWF?
Ruff Ryder:My biggest thrill I had to be when I beat Kylo to have both the TV title and the Hardcore title. I know that I had made it then.
Paco:Oh yes, first ever double champion, great accomplishment(burp) Let’s change the subject a little, who is your favorite women superstar?
Ruff Ryder:My favorite female wrestler, well that’s a tough question they all could wrestle with me anytime they want if you know what I mean Paco…….
Paco: I do mon, I do! Hey I’m starting to like you, wanna beer?
Ruff Ryder:You better damn believe I want a beer I was getting a little thirsty there you piece of trash.
Paco:Nevermind, I still hate your sorry (_|_)!! Back to your answer……….
Ruff Ryder:Watch it pal! Ok, if you were to put me on the spot I would say that I like Aggressive Angel. She has the moves I'll tell you that .
Paco:Indeed she does, Ok let’s talk about your fellow wrestlers, none like to give you credit for what you have done, even after all your accomplishments, how does that make you feel?
Ruff Ryder:Who gives a damn if they respect me or not it really doesn't matter to me, I win anyway. You see these guys go into the matches with me thinking they can win but then they walk out losers. Kinda like you Paco.
Paco:Hey! I’m no loser but let’s be honest, I think you suck ok? You are the biggest underachiever ever!
Ruff Ryder:Paco shut the hell up! You sicken me I like the other guy that does Heat better then you we should give him his own show.
Paco:Who? Pretty Boy Miller? Yeah he should have his own show, sort of what that fruit Geraldo does!
Ruff Ryder:You know what if you think I suck Paco why don't you just take me on you little piece of crap.
Paco:Alright, let’s not get all upset and stuff, you don’t want me kicking your ass.
Ruff Ryder: WHAT?!
Paco:I said I think I got a rash! Anyway, stables are a big thing right now, are you looking to join one anytime soon? Maybe start your own?
Ruff Ryder:Hell no. I am a lone wolf and that’s all I have to say about that.
Paco:Oh yes, “lone” I hear you have trouble getting women………….
Ruff Ryder:Alright, that’s it!!
Paco:Oh, c’mon! I’m only messing with you, folks let’s take a break and we’ll be right back with our picks for tomorrow’s matches!

Paco:Well we’re back and now that Ruff Ryder has cooled off, we can give you our picks! Ok first we have Han Zo Mon vs. EdgeofEternity.
Ruff Ryder:How could anyone pick Ho Zo Mon, he stinks. He can't beat anyone and this Edge kid will prove it
Paco:As much as I hate to, I will have to agree with you. Next, The Mozz vs. The Gate Keeper.
Ruff Ryder:I don't know much about either one of these guys so I am going to go with the guy that has the coolest name.
Paco:Well I’m going with the Mozz, he’s showing me some potential, and I know he will win. $inister vs. "The Seat Seller" Thurston Howell.
Ruff Ryder:Ok $inister will win this one Howell is someone for Gilligan's Island .
Paco:As funny as that was, I think that Thurston will win, the name has nothing to do with it. Scorpion vs. Kylo.
Ruff Ryder:I'll be watching this match closely because its a hell in the cell match my favorite. But I see Kylo winning this match he just wants it more I think.
Paco:You must be like Kylo, HIGH! Anyone who goes against Scorpion right now must be high, I think Scorpion will win this one. Calypso vs. Cleopatra.
Ruff Ryder:It doesn't matter to me who wins as long as someone top comes off if you know what I am saying Paco.
Paco:I do you perverted freak, next match, your match. Dean vs. you.
Ruff Ryder: I know that I will come out on top if the Rock doesn't get in my way other wise I should win this one. Paco:Well with or without the Rock I think you will lose, because you are a LOSER!!!!! HA, HA, I crack me up!
Ruff Ryder:Well I’m about to crack you up some more punk! Come here!!
Paco:Hey, hey! Get away from me you lazy eye psycho!! Folks I’ll see you tomorrow at Heat! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[The Show ends with Ruff Ryder chasing Paco to the back, not the first time that happens to him……….]