"THE WALL, HOPE, AND STILL ..."
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THE WALL Had a dream of being at the wall ... Felt so much pain, I began to thrall. Know most of those I served with, gave it all. Some of those did so in my lap as the medics made their call. I back out each time I feel the call to go to the Wall. In my mind, I feel maybe it's not meant for me~ All is there and I don't want to go and see. Have a fear of opening up old wounds and pain, 'Cause I know in my heart they didn't die in vain. For me, it's been over 30 years, and I'm still torn ~ Going may be the very thing I need to remove the thorn. The thorn in my side that continues to hurt my pride. Feels sure that when the time is right, I will know - Feels sure when the time is right, it will be a "Go"! And: Maybe my guilt holds me back from it all. I lived and survived - They lost and didn't get to thrive. Yes, I think of it all and tears begin to fall. To me, THEY are the real heroes of the war ... AND ALL. When my time comes to be with them one-on-one, I'll make my peace and then can be as "Gone On". Always in the back of my mind, Forever and Ever, Will Never Forget the Hell we all went through Together. Some, like myself, go through it about every nite; But: One day will come ... Then I can go home. no place on the Wall for me; But: That of everlasting peace. © April 7, 1998 by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68 HOPE AGE 18 AND FULL OF DREAMS AND HOPE, SENT OF INTO WAR THAT WAS HARD TO COPE. BEING TRAINED NOT IN SPORT; BUT: THAT OF INFANTRY, YES, HAD TO GET RIGHT WITH MY BODY AND RIFLE, FOR TO COME ALONG WITH IT WAS THAT OF SURVIVAL, OH GOD, I SAID UPON GETTING OFF THE PLANE, I FEAR AND SMELL ALL TOO MUCH PAIN, WASN'T LONG ON THE GROUND I SEND OFF TO A UNIT, 173RD AIRBORNE C 1/503RD INFANTRY WAS IT, EACH AND EVERY FOOTSTEP IS ETCHED INTO MY MIND, EVERYDAY WAS SAME OLD HUMP AND GRIND, THEN LIKE OUT OF NOWHERE COMES THUNDER AND SHELLS, IT WAS THEN I HEARD ALL OF THE SCREAMS AND YELLS AS IT WEN TON AND MY 18 YEAR OLD MIND WAS SPINNING, THEN CAME SILENCE OF GUNFIRE THEN WAS THE BEGINNING, AS I MOVED TO A BROTHER DOWN ON THE GROUND, SOMETHING INSIDE ME CLICKED AND I CHOKED IT ALL DOWN, THE SMELL OF BURNT GUN POWDER AND BLOOD, MADE ME ASK MYSELF IF I UNDERSTOOD, NO1 NEVER UNDERSTOOD AND YET TODAY I WONDER WHY, WHY SO MANY HAD TO DIE AND SUFFER TO OVERCOME, THEIR WOUNDS BOTH OUTSIDE AND INSIDE AND THIS I CRY WAS YEARS BEFORE i COULD CRY, I JUST WANTED TO DIE SAW SO MANY DIE IN SUCH AN AWFUL PLACE, AND: I ALWAYS BLOCKED OUT THEIR FACE, WONDER WHEN I WOULD BE NEXT TO FACE DEATH, 18 AND SO SCARED AT TIMES IT TOOK MY BREATH. I'VE SINCE SEEN THE FACES AND HEARD IT ALL PLAYBACK AND: THE GOVERNMENT AND VA DON'T GIVE A SHIT AND LACK, LACK THE RESPONSIBILITY TO SHOW US SOME RESPECT, THEN SIT BACK AND WONDER WHY WE ARE SO VIOLENT, ALL THE BLOOD THAT WAS DRAINED OUT ALL THE MEN, NONE IS ON MY HANDS YET TODAY, IT WAS OVER THERE BUT: IT WAS OUT OF CARE THAT I GAVE TRYING TO SAVE THEM, LOT'S OF THE RICH BACK HERE TURN THE OTHER WAY, FOR THEY ARE BUT THE ONE'S THAT HAVE BLOOD MONEY, FOUGHT AND DID WHAT I WAS ASKED TO DO AS DID MANY, BUT: YOU WOULD THINK WE WOULD GET DOME DIGNITY, NO! SAD TO SAY, WE JUST LIKE WHEN IN THE JUNGLE DEEP, TRYING TO HOLD BACK IS THE WAY WE GO HOLDING HEADS HIGH, TRYING TO HOLD BACK THE TEARS AND SOON GIVE A SIGH, I SIT HERE AND TIMES I WANT TO DIE, NOT CRY! BUT: THEN? THEY WOULD SURELY WIN WOULDN'T THEY? KEEPS ME ALIVE, AT LEAST FOR THIS DAY IT DOES, WHO KNOWS WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS OUR WAY? GOT KNOWS AND WILL ADJUST ACCORDINGLY, FEEL THAT I'VE BEEN IN HELL SINCE 18 YEARS OLD, AM PROUD OF WHAT I DID AND WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN BUT: WOULD HOLD THE POLITICIANS RESPONSIBLE! WILL CLOSE FOR NOW JUST BLOWING OUT SOME BITTERNESS TO HELP MY HEADACHE STOP! BUT: THEN AGAIN WHO REALLY GIVES A SHIT, RIGHT? HOPE DOES SHE CARES AND TO ME IS A START IS MORE THAN BEFORE, THANKS HOPE AND GOD BLESS YOU IN MANY WAYS, OK? © SEPTEMBER 10, 1998, by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68 STILL ... I BLEED Had one hell of a bad night last nite ... Once again found myself in a fight. This one was being back here - Having not all that much fear It was about brother against brother or so it seemed to be. Here, as well as over there, is very different, you see. We have our own lives to go on with - to survive. some don't make it too well, while others seem to thrive. for me, I feel and see; And: My Heart, at times, it BLEEDS ... For I know I can't meet everyone's needs. I have to make my life's decisions for me - myself - But: The war is always up there on the shelf. Yes, it will forever be there to haunt me ... But: I'm slowly controlling it, to some degree. I'm going to the Wall in May, to DC Going to tell my Brothers there "Good-bye" ... and feel my grief, I'll never feel the same, knowing this will be. I see all the fighting among the one's of us left. It saddens me ... it's as though there's been a theft. Yes - a theft of honor with this rivalry among the Vets. Enough of us had BLED - It's time we stopped! Look around and do for our Brothers that live. I find new Brothers each day that care and give me a lift. In spirit they do this ... And this, to me, is being a true Vet. Over there, it didn't mean nuthing; But: back here it does. It means getting through the days and nights Without having all the fights and awful frights - Waking in real wet sweats and having to see it was But a nightmare that was so awful real. So my Brothers, I think it's time to rally together; And: Be as one unit, now and forever, For we are all we got ... and hope that is never forgot. No more drawing of BLOOD from one another. Each of us has to find our own peace; ANd: It may be from another Brother who has the key. The key for me is in the Lord; For: He knows all about me, And: At the times I have these bad dreams, It's then that I get a message to sit down and begin to write. Some of you may think it's not right; But: For me it works. I am able to get feelings out; ANd: That's what it's all about. © March 16, 1998, by JIM SIMPSON 173RD AIRBORNE BDE. C 2/503 INFANTRY 67-68
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